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Are you bitter about your bat mitzvah celebration?
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Was your bat mitzvah not as large as your brothers' bar mitzvahs?
Yes it was smaller, and I was happy about it  
 77%  [ 95 ]
Yes it was smaller, and that upset me  
 10%  [ 13 ]
No it was the same, and I was happy about it  
 10%  [ 13 ]
No it was the same, and that upset me  
 0%  [ 1 ]
No it was larger, and I deserve that :wink:  
 0%  [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 122



sushilover




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:17 am
Did you celebrate your bat mitzvah the same way your brothers (or male family members) did? Was this upsetting for you or not?

For me, I had a birthday party with my classmates. It was fun because we had outgrown birthday parties, so it was cool having a year of parties with our class. (not all classmates threw parties. Some received a gift like jewelry or a siddur and that was that. Others celebrated with a nice dinner with their immediate family.)
My brothers mostly had theirs in a hall, with the men wearing suits and the women wearing their nicest shabbos outfits. For my youngest brother, standards had changed already and we women were all wearing gowns.

One of my brothers was really shy and asked for a small event, so it was held in our house with only family and a few of his closest friends invited. He didn't lein on shabbos, and wasn't expected to say more than 10 seconds of his speech.

I honestly never thought of the fact that my party was smaller than my brothers. I was perfectly happy about it as a preteen, and never thought of it again until now.

edited to make it clear that only the women were wearing gowns. Not the whole family LOL


Last edited by sushilover on Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:26 am; edited 1 time in total
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:19 am
I had a melave malka with my parents, siblings and grandparents. I was perfectly happy about it then and I'm perfectly happy about it now.
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:21 am
sushilover wrote:
Did you celebrate your bat mitzvah the same way your brothers (or male family members) did? Was this upsetting for you or not?

For me, I had a birthday party with my classmates. It was fun because we had outgrown birthday parties, so it was cool having a year of parties with our class. (not all classmates threw parties. Some received a gift and that was that. Others celebrated with a nice dinner with their immediate family.)
My brothers mostly had theirs in a hall, with the men wearing suits and the women wearing their nicest shabbos outfits. For my youngest brother, standards had changed already and we were all wearing gowns.

One of my brothers was really shy and asked for a small event, so it was held in our house with only family and a few of his closest friends invited. He didn't lein on shabbos, and wasn't expected to say more than 10 seconds of his speech.

I honestly never thought of the fact that my party was smaller than my brothers. I was perfectly happy about it as a preteen, and never thought of it again until now.


I need another option to be able to reply - Didn't have a celebration at all.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:23 am
My only brother is 15 years younger than me, so it was hard to be jealous at the time. The year I turned 12 my school instituted a class bas mitzvah. We each gave money to buy a class present for each classmate, and in addition we were allowed to have a shalosh seudos or melave malka party. My birthday was surrounded by popular kids who I knew would have nicer parties and I was also really shy. My parents offered me the choice of a class party or a week with my grandparents over vacation. I chose the week with my grandparents. I had a sleepover with a friend, my favorite strawberry shortcake, and surprise party made by my aunts/uncles/cousins. I was happier than I ever would have been having a class party. It was perfect and suited my personality.
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sushilover




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:23 am
amother wrote:
I need another option to be able to reply - Didn't have a celebration at all.


That's easy! It was smaller.
How did you feel about that at the time?
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:25 am
sushilover wrote:
That's easy! It was smaller.
How did you feel about that at the time?

My answer is the same as the poster you quoted. I didn't have one.

And no, it wasn't smaller. It was nonexistent. That's not the same thing.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:26 am
Didn't have one, and never had any issues with it, and not looking to make any now.
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:27 am
sushilover wrote:
That's easy! It was smaller.
How did you feel about that at the time?


Smaller doesn't equal to being totally overlooked.

I wasn't happy about it at all, but that's how it was done in my communities.
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sushilover




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:30 am
I'm not sure how to edit a poll, though...
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:35 am
sushilover wrote:
I honestly never thought of the fact that my party was smaller than my brothers. I was perfectly happy about it as a preteen, and never thought of it again until now.

Neither did I. Me and I think all my sisters had a slumber party with all our classmates. My brothers had different ones, a hall, in our house, and the rest Israel with our parents. Men and women and are different, so we want and have different things. I would not have wanted anything like the boys have.
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:36 am
amother wrote:
Didn't have one, and never had any issues with it, and not looking to make any now.

Same. Doesn't bother me. I grew up just the same.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:41 am
The year I turned 12 the principal implemented a new rule of "No Bat Mitzvah Parties for the class" because of the competition. We had instead a fancy supper at home that I chose , with my mother and siblings . My father did the same and we danced a little to music in his apartment (my parents were newly divorced at that time).
I did get nice gifts from my grandparents and aunt and uncle. One of them got me gold earrings that I had until recently. I passed them on to my niece a few years ago. My brothers had very simple Bar Mitzvahs in a hall. Their Yeshiva only allowed three friends to attend , so it's not like we were treated much differently. I actually appreciated my intimate affair with my family at home, more than my brothers did at their formal Bar Mitzvahs. They all said they didn't enjoy their Bar Mitzvahs sitting at the head table for hours on end , listening to speeches and surrounded by adults.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 11:06 am
amother wrote:
I need another option to be able to reply - Didn't have a celebration at all.


This
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Shuly




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 11:14 am
We had a birthday party with my class in my house. We ate pizza and cake, put on music on the tape recorder and danced and we made an art project. I loved it and was so happy that no one expected me to speak. My friends sang a grammen about me.

My brothers had bar mitzvahs in a hall and had to speak in front of about 100 people, mainly my parents friends. I was not jealous!
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 11:22 am
I didn't vote either. Mine wasn't smaller or bigger it was different. I had a large evening party in our backyard. Parents cooked a lavish meat meal and invited many of their friends and family, I was allowed to invite a limited amount of friends.
Brothers (both more than a decade younger than me) had a shabbos with extended family and leining in shul but no weekday party. My sisters had different celebrations.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 11:27 am
You missed out on another.
Mine was big and I was unhappy about it.
My brother had a kiddush in Shul and we had a big seuda at our house.
I had a large melave Malka in a very nice location with all my parents friends and relatives. My class also came.
I only wanted something for my female relatives and some friends. But since my cousins were cutting their vacation short, my uncle didn’t want to return early if he couldn’t come. So I felt pressured into letting him (thus all my uncles etc.). The location was free or nearly so since it was the top floor of my Grandma’s retirement home.
Not spiritually uplifting nor any connection to my new responsibilities as a Jewish woman at all.
Being the oldest girl, I set the stage for my sisters and classmates (I was the oldest in my class). I am not happy about the fancy parties that I feel I caused.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 11:30 am
there were things I didn't like about my bas mitzvah but nothing to do with the size, more like I messed up my speech.... type of things. It didn't even cross my mind to be jealous of my brother's bar mitzvah.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 3:02 pm
Didn't have, and didn't feel the need for one. Didn't make any for my daughters, but appreciated the fact that my daughters school, made one big one for mother and daughter to celebrate and acknowledge this milestone.

Last edited by amother on Sun, Apr 22 2018, 3:04 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 3:03 pm
isrmss91 wrote:
Didn't have, and didn't feel the need for one. Didn't make any for my daughters, but appreciated the fact that my daughters school, made one big party for mother and daughter to celebrate and acknowledge this milestone.
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Sun, Apr 22 2018, 3:15 pm
My bas mitzvah wasn’t even mentioned at all. It’s not a thing in my circles at all.

I never even gave a second thought to it.
First time I heard this is an issue for girls is right here on imamother.
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