Send flowers to x mil?

life is fun

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 7:30 am

My ds stayed overnight with his grandparents, my former in laws. Im still in light butvregular contact with thrm. Shall I get him to buy flowers forcthem for shabbos just to be nice or not bother.
Hes not staying with them for shabbos.

mommy105

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 7:36 am

Absolutely! Your son should see you behaving appropriately and you should encourage him to be a mensch.

lkwdlady

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 8:04 am

No- I don’t think you should

Perhaps you could have sent a small gift with your son before he went

Not so much fun to look at a flower arrangement all shabbos from an x dil

You can call them to thank them for having him or send an email or text

watergirl

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 8:39 am

I’m an ex daughter in law.

Would you have sent a gift to them BEFORE the divorce if they hosted your child? Flowers? I never did! Why do it now? Its not shabbos, its one night.

Do people send their parents/inlaws flowers for hosting their grandchild? Esp if its for a night or two? I never do and never did.

ellacoe

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 10:32 am

If you are in a quandary about something like that always err on the side of graciousness.

SixOfWands

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 10:38 am

life is fun wrote:

I don't think an overnight with the grandparents calls for a gift. It could be viewed as an insult -- as if they're no longer family. But I would shoot off an email saying, "Jimmy can't stop talking about what a wonderful time he had with you. Thanks for having him, and shabbat shalom."

PinkFridge

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 11:43 am

sclapa wrote:

Absolutely! Your son should see you behaving appropriately and you should encourage him to be a mensch.

I totally agree with the bolded. Not sure if the flowers are necessary unless he would have before, an overnight doesn't warrant that. I do like Six's email suggestion.

life is fun

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 12:46 pm

watergirl wrote:

Actually yes I did.

Its not for the sleeping there Davka but for the gesture. They spoiled him now and started spoiling the other kids to b"h.

I asked ds to get them some in the end.

greenfire

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 1:08 pm

yup ~ unless there is a contrary reason to avoid them then why not

watergirl

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 1:11 pm

life is fun wrote:

Actually yes I did.

Its not for the sleeping there Davka but for the gesture. They spoiled him now and started spoiling the other kids to b"h.

I asked ds to get them some in the end.

If you did before, I hear why you would now.

PinkFridge

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 1:41 pm

I just wanted to add that I know it's not always possible to have a cordial relationship with xes and families but when it is, and when people do, it's really wonderful for the kids. They see sholom being modeled which will help them build their own homes, with solid sholom bayis. So kol hakavod.

watergirl

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 3:04 pm

life is fun wrote:

So am I a good x dil or just an unusual one?

I’m super close with my xmil. People are weirded out by it. Esp my mil (remarried).

kiryat sefer

Fri, Apr 27 2018, 3:05 pm

No. It shows you miss her. As a grandmother she should be available for her grandchildren anytime it has nothing to do with his parents.

zaq

Tue, May 01 2018, 6:10 pm

But of course. Regardless of what kind of relationship you have with them, they are still your ds grandparents, and they are still hosting him. As for the poster who said you don't bring grandparents a gift, I beg to differ. My inlaws lived in another state, and when we visited it was for several days to a week. I always brought a gift. I'm not saying Emily Post would insist upon it, nor do I expect my own children to bring me gifts when they visit, but it's a way of expressing appreciation in a tangible way. Giving them money, now that would be insulting.

zaq

Wed, May 02 2018, 9:41 am

life is fun wrote:

So am I a good x dil or just an unusual one?

A good one. Graciousness is never wrong.