What do you think? noise shabbos backyard neighborhood kids?

amother

Linen

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:07 am

saw50st8 wrote:

I think the conversation is rude and may back the neighbor into a corner even if she doesn't have to accommodate. It might breed ill will because of it, especially if OP hasn't soundproofed or gotten ear plugs first.

OP's first step should be to figure out how to solve the noise independently and only afterwards if it is still a problem, then think about approaching the neighbor.

If approached in a decent and respectful manner, why would it be considered to be rude to voice your concerns to a neighbor.? He or she may not even be aware of how its affecting the neighborhood. As long as you discuss it respectfully, display understanding and don't make demands, why should it breed ill will?

southernbubby

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:09 am

SixOfWands wrote:

You do know that only a handful of campuses gave out coloring books after the election. But I guess that's all you got.

You also do know that someone suggested that the same kids who enjoy playing on a swingset should walk themselves over to the library on Shabbat afternoon, so that adults can nap. If the kids playing next door to the OP are actually twenty-somethings attending college, I guess I'll agree that they should keep it quieter. But it sounds like they're 5 year olds. And I don't think that they should be heading out on their own, crossing streets, and yes, breaking electronic eyes, so that some 40-something can take a nap.

For gosh sakes. Do you always have to be so nasty?

I missed the part about the library on Shabbos because there are 20 pages to this thread.

As far as campuses, yes I know that not all campuses gave their little children coloring books. My son is a campus shaliach and his students sat shiva instead of coloring.

amother

Green

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:23 am

amother wrote:

What has been suggested is that noisy neighbor should accommodate napping neighbor AND napping neighbor should accommodate noisy neighbor.

Napping neighbor should accommodate noisy neighbor, how? she requires no accommodations. Or did I miss the part where noisy neighbor is looking for napping neighbor allow noisy neighbor access to her yard to spread out the party further?

SixOfWands

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:28 am

southernbubby wrote:

My oldest son is in college. All of his friends are in college. Almost all of my real life friends have kids in college. Almost all of my virtual friends have kids in college.

Not a soul sat shiva.

Not a soul used a coloring book.

Some protested.

Some asked for exams to be postponed. But IME people ask for exams to be postponed if it rains. People always want extra time.

That's pretty much it.

And I QUOTED the comment about the library. So it was pretty darned hard to miss.

southernbubby

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:34 am

SixOfWands wrote:

Pardon me if I didn't read every word of the post. This thread is really lengthy about a topic that wouldn't seem to have so many angles.

And I realize that not all college students colored, sat shiva, protested, or asked for postponed exams. Probably some college students rejoiced. Not all millennials are Democrats.

amother

Slategray

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:36 am

amother wrote:

No one has to do anything for anyone, but have you ever gone out of your way for someone else?

farm

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:37 am

OP why are you resisting the air plugs and white noise/fan idea? At least to try it for a shabbos? You seem so caught up in your 'right' to be annoyed (they have cool stuff in the yard so now tons of kids come over all day, etc), but at the end of the day, it's really not up to you to control their yard. Try what's in your control. If the noise is still beyond what air plugs and white noise can block out, maybe you'll get more sympathy. Until then, unless you move to a fifty and older community, your neighbors are doing nothing wrong.

SixOfWands

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:38 am

southernbubby wrote:

So you attacked me in a nasty manner while admittedly failing to read the post to which you responded?

And you're still pretending that tens of thousands of college students rended their clothes and sat on the floor coloring when Trump was elected. Which has nothing to do with this thread, but you're just putting in here because you want to be nasty to me.

Is there a particular reason you want to be nasty? Or is it just a knee jerk reaction to me?

amother

Green

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:40 am

amother wrote:

No one has to do anything for anyone, but have you ever gone out of your way for someone else?

Of course I have. Its the language of "should" that keeps coming up that I'm frustrated with.

amother

Oak

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:42 am

SixOfWands wrote:

No one suggested the kids walk themselves over to the library on shabbos. That came from a poster rebutting the idea of the kids going to the library to study for their test the next day during sukkos.

southernbubby

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:43 am

SixOfWands wrote:

I wasn't nasty or wasn't intending to be nasty. You seem to read nastiness into posts where none is intended at all. Please don't do that. I am sorry if I offended you because that was not my intention and I have absolutely no desire to be nasty to you.

I'll bet that if you knew me in person, you would like me. I am not a bad person.

southernbubby

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:45 am

amother wrote:

That was also my understanding of it.

SixOfWands

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:46 am

amother wrote:

Of course I have. It the language of "should" that keeps coming up that I'm frustrated with.

Right.

There's nothing wrong with OP bringing a babka next door, mentioning how nice the weather has been, and how she sees how much everyone is enjoying the new play equipment. And then mentioning how loud it gets, and asking if its possible if the kids could try to moderate their tones a little bit in the early afternoon, so they're playing joyfully without screaming. Although, of course, OP understands that kids will be kids.

Which is very different from enforcing quiet hours for most of the day. (And I'm not really sure if that came from OP or from others.)

While OP at the same time tries to address issues on her end by using a fan or white noise, closing windows, drawing drapes, or whatever else.

amother

Oak

Fri, May 04 2018, 11:52 am

saw50st8 wrote:

People with young kids rarely can sleep in. On Sundays, my kids are often up at 5:30 and we keep them inside until 7:30, even though they want to go in. And, even if people want to sleep in, they need to figure out a way to do so without inconveniencing others. This wasn't a simple favor to ask - it literally screwed up our Sunday schedule for years.

Living in a neighborhood and not out on a farm in the middle of nowhere means you have to tolerate legal noises. I really resented being asked that because it really screwed us. Either way we were the bad ones - either we continued to mow at the time that was best for us and we look like mean people or we negatively impact our schedule and often the naps of our young kids. So I have zero patience for people like OP who think they have a right to control neighborhood noise beyond what is illegal on a regular basis. She's saying that her needs trump other people's needs and that isn't right.

Your husband sounds like a mensch. Accommodating others is a beautiful trait. I rather live with a spouse that thinks of others instead of me, me, me all the time.

farm

Fri, May 04 2018, 12:28 pm

But I hear Saw's frustration. My sweetheart DH is also the type that will jump to accomidating and go above and beyond for others, but sometimes doesn't realize it's at my or our family's expense.

amother

Slategray

Fri, May 04 2018, 12:41 pm

amother wrote:

It goes both way, we have accommodated different neighbors in the past when they requested something we didn't have to do.

saw50st8

Fri, May 04 2018, 1:02 pm

amother wrote:

If you reread my posts about my neighbor and our lawn mower, you will see that even asking for something "small" (and 1-2 quiet hours outside on shabbos is not even small), it can back them into a corner of feeling like they have to comply in order to be a "good" neighbor even though it is to their own detriment.

What's wrong with being proactive and getting ear plugs and if necessary soundproofing the room you are napping in?

saw50st8

Fri, May 04 2018, 1:04 pm

amother wrote:

Your husband sounds like a mensch. Accommodating others is a beautiful trait. I rather live with a spouse that thinks of others instead of me, me, me all the time.

He is a mensch. In this case though, it was at the expense of our entire family.

I think overall we are good neighbors. If someone tells us they are having a party, we park in our driveway to open more spots on the street. If someone tells us they need us to get their mail or help them out or just be a listening ear, we absolutely are. But, IMO, this crossed a line. Asking a neighbor to PERMANENTLY alter their schedule is wrong.

amother

Green

Fri, May 04 2018, 1:16 pm

amother wrote:

It goes both way, we have accommodated different neighbors in the past when they requested something we didn't have to do.

OP - for this exact specific item though its on them to accommodate you - they aren't looking for accommodation.

Have you reached out?

In the end of the day - most people wouldn't want to unknowingly be cause of something that causes such frustration to others. She probably doesn't have a clue.

If you were my neighbor and we had this talk - my accommodation would be something along the lines of the following:

"hey guests - Mrs. wonderful next door neighbor likes to nap between 1 and 2, lets see if we can organize our kids into quieter games". Followed by "Hey kids - lets to a great mitzvah... Mrs. wonderful next door neighbor is trying to enjoy her Shabbos Menucha now.. lets help her out by keeping our voices a bit quieter for awhile.. what are good games we can play?"

amother

Oak

Fri, May 04 2018, 1:22 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

It is not totally at the expense of your family. Your kids gain basic menschkite and learn to respect elderly gentleman.

Hopefully, your children will show this respect to others when they are in the same stage of life with multiple little kids.

Children learn what they live.