My toddler ran into the street!

mommyla

Tue, May 01 2018, 9:45 pm

amother wrote:

Once again, she wasn't alone, and the area is enclosed.
You wouldn't leave your child in the backyard with you being afew feet away, and a gate closing off the entire area? I can't see why not..

The area is NOT enclosed, apparently. She got out. For all intents and purposes, she was alone - because nobody caught her leaving. And you can't see why not? After what happened today? Next time (G-d forbid) it'll happen faster.

It's hard, but nobody said parenting is easy, and there is no question about it - you cannot leave this child (or any child, really) alone in this environment. Don't do it again, you've already learned why not.

fmt4

Tue, May 01 2018, 10:16 pm

amother wrote:

OP here:

I hear what you're saying about the leash, and that's why I asked for advice about it as I'm not comfortable with the idea as well.

Regarding not letting outside alone, she was running around in an enclosed area that had steps which she hadn't been able to climb (at least I didn't know about it), and I was standing there (not right next to her but she was within my eyesight until I turned around).

And yes, I'm looking for ways to allow her to be outside in an ENCLOSED place and get rid of the hazards. Obviously if that doesn't work out then I have to be there with her all the time. But is it that funny that I'm trying to achieve that?

You said that turned around for FIVE minutes, that’s five minutes where she was not within your eyesight.

And no, there is no way to let a toddler run around outside alone without your constant supervision. And yes, it is “funny” if by funny you mean strange and unsettling. Most moms would not even think to do that to their toddler - especially one who you thought wasnt even old enough to climb stairs!!! Is she even two?? Really appalling.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, May 01 2018, 10:24 pm

amother wrote:

I'll most likely get some bashing for this but I'm not telling a story, I'm looking for a solution, so please be so kind and don't don't be judgemental.

I live a flight down from the street. It's sort of in the backyard with the other side facing the other street. Completely gated and very safe for kids. However there's a flight of stairs going up that goes up to the main street, which is also very wide and set far apart from the road.

So I'm standing outside, and my toddler ran off to the next row of houses (also in that same yard). I was able to see her and figured it's highly unlikely she'll climb the steps and get to the curb which is pretty far from the houses (extra large driveway and grassy area) so I didn't run after her. I turned around for literally 5 minutes, and next thing I know, she'd climbed the stairs, and was out in the street.

neighbors started screaming as she stepped right onto the road where a bus made a short stop, nearly hitting her.

Needless to say I'm terribly shaken up by what happened, and of course I won't let her out of my eyesight for even a second from now on.

I would however, like to know if there's any way for me to be able to leave her outside for 5 minutes without worrying (again, other than the stairs going up, the place is completely safe).
I was thinking of getting a baby leash that would extend enough to let her run around, but somehow keep her attached to my porch steps or something. I just didn't find anything long enough.

Any suggestions?
Otherwise, this is gonna be one long long summer for me.

A leash? Like you would a dog?

amother

Scarlet

Tue, May 01 2018, 10:33 pm

[quote="amother"]I'll most likely get some bashing for this but I'm not telling a story, I'm looking for a solution, so please be so kind and don't don't be judgemental.

Needless to say I'm terribly shaken up by what happened, and of course I won't let her out of my eyesight for even a second from now on. Quote)

I know, OP, you don’t want any flak for the near tragedy you almost caused but I’m appalled. Did it really take such a calamity to make you understand not to leave her out of your sight for even a minute?! Did you really not understand that before?! I think you do need a good talking to. Motherhood is a responsibility as well as a huge privilege. You state you “only” left your child unattended for “literally only 5 minutes!” As if that excuses your horribly irresponsible and dangerous behavior! My G-d, are you serious? I’m assuming you’re very young and very new at motherhood, and trying to therefore give you the benefit of the doubt. But I’d strongly advise you seek some professional guidance, confide in someone experienced in parenting what you did, and perhaps they can advise you as to how to become more responsible. Good luck to your children, it seems they’re going to need it.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, May 01 2018, 10:34 pm

fmt4 wrote:

Seriously???? She is a TODDLER. No you can’t let her run around outside alone, and no don’t put her on a LEASH like a dog.

Do you live in monsey, by any chance? I see mothers like you all the time, letting their kids run around unsupervised and am horrified. There have been so many times that these kids lives have been put in danger because their parents can’t be bothered to keep an eye on them.
It’s really shocking that your daughter almost died and you’re already thinking of ways to leave her alone again.

It makes one wonder why so many wonderful and caring couples are going through such pain with infertility, while [others who have children make mistakes].

I edited the last part of this post to tone it down. While those suffering from IF should get sympathy and compassion, it is not OK to bash those who have children and are learning on the job.

-- imasinger, as mod

amother

Ivory

Tue, May 01 2018, 11:27 pm

Op please do not leave this child unattended for a second.

I have a 9 yr ds. He was like this and I knew that when I went outside with him, I have to watch him with eagle eyes. He's very hyperactive today too. And I watch him quite a lot too now. Though he's ,earned a lot to be careful and is on meds. So he's a lot better. But still my heat beats when he goes out to play cause he is so impulsive. And putting him on meds is the best I could do, I can't watch him every second he's 9.

Please please do not take your eyes off of a 2 year old. It's that age where they are exploring the most and most active. Don't turn around for 5 minutes.

I think you really read a lot of here saying don't leave this child alone for a second. There are kidnappers out there. Bad people too. Don't do this, I'm begging you. Walk after the child or put them in a carriage or just stay out for short periods of time. Take them to park where there are gates.

Ema of 5

Tue, May 01 2018, 11:42 pm

amother wrote:

Once again, she wasn't alone, and the area is enclosed.
You wouldn't leave your child in the backyard with you being afew feet away, and a gate closing off the entire area? I can't see why not..

Nope, I wouldn’t, not a two year old. Their abilities grow from one second to the next. What they weren’t able to do this morning they are now able to do this afternoon as a pro. I let my 2 year old walk around inside the house without following her every move, but if she’s outside, I’m always right there.
Being a few feet away is different than leaving a child unattended for a few minutes. All it takes is a few seconds for a toddler to be off and running.

Ema of 5

Tue, May 01 2018, 11:49 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Maybe.... and this only a maybe. They have for dogs an electronic collar that buzzes loudly when he is 50 feet from end of yard or near street...

Please tell me this is a joke....get a buzz collar for a toddler????
I have four kids, my oldest has severe ADHD. Not until my 4th did I have a child who is a runner. I have a child leash for her. She has run into the street more than once, even with me standing right next to her. I can not risk having her do who knows what in a crowded place. But it’s not a leash like for an animal, that goes around the neck. She wears a back pack, and there is a rope the comes from that, which I put on my wrist. It’s basically a knapsack with a tail. I’ve never questioned people who use leashes, they obviously feel they are necessary. For me, my child won’t stay in her stroller, and I need to keep her safe and always know where she is.
But a shock collar? NEVER!! I can’t believe such a thing is even being suggested!

Miri7

Wed, May 02 2018, 12:02 am

When people talk about “turning around” and then seeing that their kid has taken off, they are usually talking about seconds, not a minute or two, or five.

Yes, you need to be outside with your toddler. I would feel comfortable ducking inside to grab a sun hat or something just inside the door for about 5-10 seconds.

I know families who have suffered the ultimate tragedy when a toddler was unsupervised for about 5 minutes and got into an “enclosed” swimming pool.

My own child learned to unlock the doors and let herself out when she was about 3 - we installed bells up high on every door - that night. Luckily she walked right next door towards her friends house, though I got to her before she made it across our driveway.

Toddlers are wily and must be watched.

naturalmom5

Wed, May 02 2018, 12:12 am

eema of 3 wrote:

My youngest is 19, so I maybe out of loop.. What I am talking about doesn't shock, it makes a loud siren 50 feet or whatever you set before the street giving you time to act...

Ema of 5

Wed, May 02 2018, 12:16 am

Miri7 wrote:

I get leaving a toddler alone for a few second once, but once a toddler has shown you that hey are adventurous, I don’t see how you can leave them even for a few seconds. Now that my little girl has shown me she is a runner, I won’t leave her alone except inside. Iyh she will not discover how to get out in her own for a while, and by then she will understand that it’s just not a safe thing to do. Until then, as her mom it is my job to keep a watchful eye, no matter how desperately I need a break. I will leave her if there is someone else responsible outside. If not, tough luck on me. That’s just part of being a parent.

Ema of 5

Wed, May 02 2018, 12:18 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

My youngest is 19, so I maybe out of loop.. What I am talking about doesn't shock, it makes a loud siren 50 feet or whatever you set before the street giving you time to act...

Phew!! I don’t know you well, but I didn’t think you were crazy like that!! Yes, some kind of alarm may work well, but maybe they have a bracelet or an anklet that she can wear, rather than a necklace.

creditcards

Wed, May 02 2018, 12:26 am

Why not get a gate so she can't go to the steps? Is it someone else's steps? Ask them if you can put a gate there. Or install a big gate around your property.

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B0.....psc=1

Get a few of these gates and put it wherever your child can escape. Amazon has a lot of different sizes and lengths.
One of my neighbors have a few of these around the whole front of her house.

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B0.....psc=1

Browse amazon and find something to make the whole place enclosed.

Last edited by creditcards on Wed, May 02 2018, 12:35 am; edited 2 times in total

amother

Turquoise

Wed, May 02 2018, 1:46 am

amother wrote:

Once again, she wasn't alone, and the area is enclosed.
You wouldn't leave your child in the backyard with you being afew feet away, and a gate closing off the entire area? I can't see why not..

Because a child that age can fall, can swallow something dangerous, etc. etc. Sorry, there's no way around the fact that toddlers need full-time supervision.

The good news is that all that activity tires them out. Toddlers nap and go to bed fairly early. That's your "me time."

Goldie613

Wed, May 02 2018, 3:37 am

Are there other moms with kids around the same age? Trading off babysitting and playdates are great ways to get a few minutes to breathe. It can be as simple as twice a week, with you taking one afternoon and the other mom taking the other afternoon.

It's hard to keep them safe unwatched outside - the biggest threat (in my opinion) is Chas V'Shalom someone coming into the yard when you're not there.

As far as the long summer part, at least on a nice day you can bring out some music for entertainment. Another option is to blow bubbles (or get a toy that does that for you). You"ll still need to watch your little one, but hopefully at least that way she won't want to run off and you can sit still for a moment while keeping an eye on her.

I'm sorry, I wish I had easier answers for you. Some kids take really well to strollers and car/bus rides, so they can get out and you can still get stuff done. Other than that, see if there's a high school kid around who might be willing to do babysitting, either as a paid thing or to fulfill whatever chesed requirement their school has.

Good luck - I know it's hard but in a couple of years it should get a bit easier.