How do we choose a school?

amother

Beige

Wed, May 02 2018, 6:59 am

What criteria is necessary to consider when choosing a school for my son?

Do we look at the ethos of the school or do we look at the the 'population'? In our case, we are considering one school that is really not in line with our style or background but the students are 'good' boys (for the most part) vs a school that is in line with our hashkafa but the boys may be of a 'lower caliber'.

amother

Cyan

Wed, May 02 2018, 7:08 am

It’s tricky. It depends on what you really want Your kids to be like. If you want your child to get into a top college, you send to a school that’s likely to prepare him well for that. If you want him to get into a top Yeshiva, again, you send To a school that prepares for that. If your child is extra sensitive or shy, you might consider a smaller school, with warm faculty.

amother

Pearl

Wed, May 02 2018, 7:36 am

You can correct any shortcoming in your child's education except for bad peers. So go for the school with the better kids.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, May 02 2018, 7:50 am

amother wrote:

I am anon because I've told these stories to many people.

When looking into schools, I research the school but also visit and drive by if I can. There is so much more to a school than just the "population" and hashkafa! I'm interested in seeing if and how the teachers interact with the kids when they dont know that they are being watched. Drive by when the kids are outside and see if the teachers are standing in a huddle and ignoring them, or if they are engaged with the kids while they are at play. If you are on a tour, notice if the person leading you smiles and greets students and teachers that you pass. Is the person warm? Thats the tone of the school. We went to a school where the principal gave us a tour and he literally got a girl's attention by snapping his fingers at her, then with out uttering a word, pointed to a piece of trash that was on the floor, indicating that he wanted her to pick it up. It was a huge turn off for us.

We visited one school that has a reputation for being more right wing. Now, my husband has long peyos and thats not in line with what the student body's fathers relate to because its "yeshivish". So we were stared at by the kids. We looked into the rooms and saw a balagan. The kids just seemed RUDE. We went to another school, also yeshivish and not a long payos sort of place (its not a long payos sort of town). The school is more open and while its very frum, there isnt that air of supremacy that we felt at the other one. We walked in through the high school and there was a cluster of boys hanging out. They literally stopped their conversation, opened the door for us, asked if we needed help finding where we were going, and one boy walked us there. Now THAT is a school that I wanted my son involved in!

So what do you consider to be a "lower caliber"? Like one parent said to me about the two yeshivahs we visited, the kids watch TV in both schools. At one, they are told to lie about it and at the other, its a special treat for erev shabbos or whatever. So who is a higher caliber? Incidentally, my husband taught at the "frummer" school and he can tell you, they ALL watch tv and they are known to be mean to their teachers.

Find a general fit hashkafically, but dont look for exact. I find that the more open a school, the more accepting it is. I want my kids to accept and love all yidden, and I dont think they would get that from the first school.

Ruchel

Wed, May 02 2018, 10:56 am

I find the influences to be the most important after primary school.

lifesagift

Wed, May 02 2018, 11:32 am

Derech erertz kodma lTorah
Like the previous posters, academics can be supplemented, some kids learn more than others. I would pick the one where the atmosphere is warm n joyful

amother

Mint

Wed, May 02 2018, 11:38 am

For DH and I, it was academics, price, acceptance of differences, teaching style, and environment. Unfortunately, we could not find anything that hit all of our criteria.

amother

Beige

Wed, May 02 2018, 12:10 pm

What would you say about the fact that our child senses that we 'don't agree' with the hashkafa completely and he is therefore somewhat disrespectful about it. Can he still learn, grow and gain in such an environment or is it already too late for that to be possible?

simcha2

Wed, May 02 2018, 1:16 pm

Can you explain what you mean by "lower calibre" I literally can't work out what that means when talking about young children?

mha3484

Wed, May 02 2018, 1:40 pm

I am in a mid size community that has schools for all types. We are not interested in Co-Education so we ruled that school out which left us with a more centrist community day school, a boys yeshiva affiliated with the bais yaakov and a yiddish speaking cheder. I was very hesitant for my child to be the most "frum" at the day school. He would be one of very few keeping chalav yisroel, more limited media access and just an overall different lifestyle. He does not have the most spectacular social skills so I felt that it would not do him any favors to be THE kid that is so different from everyone else.

Once I was left with the yeshivish school and the chassidish school I talked to as many people as I could including friends who are rebbeim and moros at both schools and really got the feeling that the yeshivish school offers many more resources for children that struggle socially and academically which is a concern for us. You also wont know what your other kids will be like and its not so simple to have kids in different schools.

At the end of the day, I believe very strongly in my home and school values being as similar as possible. I think it is very problematic when kids get one message at school and something completely different from their parents. Elementary aged kids are little and not mature enough to see grey area in certain topics or to keep their mouths shut about activities the school does not care for. I would say differently for a teenager but I think we are talking about elementary school.

amother

Natural

Wed, May 02 2018, 1:52 pm

amother wrote:

How old is your son?

You can teach him to be respectful. We have used schools that were not a perfect match for our family for various reasons and sometimes had to talk about the differences, and it was ok. It helps if the parents genuinely have a live-and-let-live attitude. Ideally, the school will reinforce the beliefs and practices of your household, but that isn't always possible.

watergirl

Wed, May 02 2018, 2:06 pm

simcha2 wrote:

Can you explain what you mean by "lower calibre" I literally can't work out what that means when talking about young children?

I think its a euphemism to mean that she thinks her family is better than some others for some reason.

amother

Beige

Wed, May 02 2018, 3:03 pm

watergirl wrote:

I think its a euphemism to mean that she thinks her family is better than some others for some reason.

well thanks for your help watergirl!

By 'lower caliber' I mean kids who are not as refined, rough, language that is not always ideal, maybe more access to video games/TV etc.

watergirl

Wed, May 02 2018, 3:09 pm

amother wrote:

well thanks for your help watergirl!

By 'lower caliber' I mean kids who are not as refined, rough, language that is not always ideal, maybe more access to video games/TV etc.

I just dont see it as “refined” to lable others as “not as refined”. These are kids were talking about. They dont have a caliber!

amother

Beige

Wed, May 02 2018, 4:59 pm

watergirl wrote:

I just dont see it as “refined” to lable others as “not as refined”. These are kids were talking about. They dont have a caliber!

hey why don't you start your own thread if you have an axe to grind??

watergirl

Wed, May 02 2018, 5:09 pm

amother wrote:

hey why don't you start your own thread if you have an axe to grind??

I dont have an ax. I have an issue with labeling kids and putting them into classifications.

southernbubby

Wed, May 02 2018, 5:15 pm

amother wrote:

I have seen schools turn down students for exactly that reason; that the student will not respect the rebbeim or the hanhala. No one can learn anything from a person whom they do not respect. It probably is too late for him to grow and gain in an environment where he sees the staff and students as not on the right derech.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, May 02 2018, 5:50 pm

amother wrote:

I would say that is exactly why I never disagree with the school in front of my kids. I enforce their rules, I back up the teachers and principals- and I speak about them with respect. I have had complaints about my kids over the years, but not for chutzpah.