My 5 dear 5 yr old I I don’t want to yell!

amother

Blush

Mon, May 07 2018, 9:40 pm

My oldest kid a very smart talented beautiful kid..my relationship was beautiful with him until I had more kids. He’s 5 years old and I love him but he just annoys me to no end! And then I get even more annoyed cuz I so badly want to have a good relationship with him! He comes to me in the morning comes into my bed and breaths and blows into my face I turn around..and then he goes to play he builds something beautiful but one piece didn’t come out the way he likes so I try to help him to fix it and he still doesn’t like it so he complains for long time it’s not good it’s not good....until I plotz-it’s good don’t make me crazy and go away! Then he puts down his toys right near my baby and my baby will kick it cuz it’s right near her feet and.if I move away his toy he puts it back near her feet cuz that’s where he decided it belongs..then he sits down right near my baby and she puts her feet near him he pushes and fights with her I move him away he moves right back..then I give everyone cup apple juice to drink he decided he wanted orange juice I don’t have time it’s morning rush and he’s screaming I don’t like apple juice I want orange juice while other kids are happily drinking apple juice (and he does like apple juice so does he plain like to drive me mad?) my baby can give him little touch he gives her back slap she started.. I tell him we don’t fight w babies... a lot more examples...how do I have a good happy relaxed home like this?? I just end up getting to annoyed at certain point and yell

WhatFor

Mon, May 07 2018, 10:15 pm

Is there any way you can schedule some alone time with him every day? Can DH take the other kids for a certain time period (even if just a half hour) when your attention can be completely on him?

Also, do you ever get any alone time for yourself? Having your own time to recuperate may help you stay calmer when DS is acting out.

I know either or both of those might not seem realistic, but try to figure out if there is ANY way.

myname1

Tue, May 08 2018, 5:05 am

amother wrote:

CAn you help me with better thoughts and how to react? Yes I really want to try the alone time but when? Dh comes home 630 and then I’m drained from the day..I run into bed away from everyone. He does have flexible schedule tho..just dunno wat to request

Can you run into bed with him and read a book together? What does he like to do that you might find enjoyable and relaxing to do just with him? Can you save some special building toy for your room at that time? And then, if building something is not going well at some tim during the day, you can say, "Don't worry, Honey, we'll have time to fix it later, just you and me!" Might calm both of you down to save that for later, when you have more time/energy/patience/space away from babies.

Of course, this only works if it would be relaxing for you and neither of you needs to do something else at that time. I would say in general, if it's not a good time for you to be relaxing and building with him (morning before school maybe), just tell him "I'm sorry, I can't help right now" instead of trying to get it perfect and convince him it's perfect when he's really in a mood for it not to be perfect. If this is a toy he constantly kvetches about while playing in the morning, maybe make it a later-in-the-day toy. Again, assuming that works- he has time later to play when it won't be so difficult and he has other things to play in the morning. Or maybe make sure he's eaten first, and then perhaps he won't kvetch quite so much. Best of luck, hope it gets easier for you!

WhatFor

Tue, May 08 2018, 6:45 am

amother wrote:

If he's doing this because he's craving attention, I don't think any one technique is going to be a substitute for that.

As to how to react in the moment, there are a number of ways, and I've seen great responses on here from other amothers, so I'm hoping they weigh in. First, every time before you yell, consider if it can be addressed without yelling. Yelling is energy depleting. It's exhausting!

Nagging when his toy isn't perfect: instead of arguing that it's great, why don't you take it in the other direction, repeat what he's saying but take it to an absurd extreme, so that he sees how silly it is. Like first say you think it's beautiful, and when he argues, in a silly voice say, "it's the most catastrophic building I've ever seen, we need to call professional construction workers to come fix this toy right now! Maybe we should call the fire department! "Hello, fire department, we have an emergency."(Pretend you're holding a phone and obviously fake-calling call the fire department.) In other words, try to look for a silly solution out of these kinds of things, wherever possible.

Fighting with his baby sister again seems like he's trying to get attention because he knows you won't ignore that. You might try to preempt these things when you see them coming. If he's sitting too close to baby and something will inevitably happen in two minutes, pretend you don't even notice but innocently move baby to other side.You might also might consider a chart that includes, amongst other things, "I was nice to my baby sister today". He gets a star for each day that he's patient/nice with her.

The juice situation, give him two options before you pour him a drink so he feels more in control. Oj or aj? Or even aj or water might help.

But I've seen some great responses for behavioral plans from other amothers here, so I hope they chime in as well.