Invite guest you don't know well do you say cholov stam?

amother

Maroon

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:17 pm

If you invite someone you don't know well for a meal on shavuot or any time and you're serving a milchig meal that's not cholov yisroel, and you don't know if they eat cholov stam, do you tell the guests when you're inviting them or do you assume they'll ask you?

little neshamala

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:21 pm

Neither.

I would never make a chalav stam meal without first asking if they eat chalav stam. If they dont, I would make it chalav yisrael.
(I dont eat chalav stam myself anymore, but either way thats how I vote)

FranticFrummie

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:22 pm

Absolutely tell them. If they are normal, they will be pleased that you were so considerate to let them know.

When I first moved to Israel, I was invited to Shabbos by a couple I did not know well. It was during the shmitta year, and we keep mehadrin as well, so I had to ask. I was a little bit embarassed, but my hostess was incredibly gracious and glad that I spoke up. (Yes, she keeps everything very strictly.)

I would much rather have the hostess tell me in advance, than to have to ask for myself.

Ruchel

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:26 pm

little neshamala wrote:

Opposite here. my home, my cooking, my rules. I would never go CY unless I had to invite people who hold by it, and it's for them to let me know.

greenfire

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:26 pm

please ask & if they only eat cholov yisrael make sure to have options for them especially cheese cake

Chayalle

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:33 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Opposite here. my home, my cooking, my rules. I would never go CY unless I had to invite people who hold by it, and it's for them to let me know.

Ruchel, do you live in an area where CY is widely available? Is not keeping CY common, such that people would know to let you know?

I live in Lakewood, and CY is so widespread here that it wouldn't dawn on me to ask someone if the meal is CY, and we are makpid to eat only CY. So if someone invited me for a meal that was not CY, we would not be able to eat, and it would be very uncomfortable.

Miri7

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:36 pm

It really depends on what community you're living in. In my community, it's less common but not unheard of and people know to speak up if they require CY, just like they'd say if they have a peanut allergy.

If someone is new to the community, and probably unsure about how things work here and maybe a bit uncomfortable, I will ask in advance, do you have any food preferences, allergies, or keep CY?

challahchallah

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:37 pm

I always ask a generic "do you have any food restrictions?" and tell people to come ready for a dairy meal. It's up to the guest to tell me if they have allergies or other specific needs such as CY. I try to have at least an option or two to fit each need.

benny

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:38 pm

I would def tell them as they may feel uncomfortable asking you if you keep cholov yisroel

amother

Royalblue

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:45 pm

Why take a risk in assuming? You've upfront (l'chathcila) recognized the potential for an uncomfortable situation. Its a quick email. Up to you if how you are going to accommodate, (or not accommodate) the guest if they are CY only.

Raisin

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:50 pm

yes, especially if you live in a community where some people keep it and others don't.

Chayalle

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:54 pm

challahchallah wrote:

In my community, keeping CY wouldn't be considered a food restriction.

amother

Maroon

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:54 pm

I posted the question, because we actually keep cholov yisroel, and when someone we don't know well invites us, I wasn't sure if most people will tell me or if I have to ask. But, I'm uncomfortable asking the host.

challahchallah

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:57 pm

Chayalle wrote:

In my community, keeping CY wouldn't be considered a food restriction.

True--you have to know your community. But also, if you don't know your hosts well, you should be upfront about anything you require whether that be only specific heckschers or CY or allergies or whatever, especially if asked.

SixOfWands

Tue, May 08 2018, 2:57 pm

Chayalle wrote:

In my community, keeping CY wouldn't be considered a food restriction.

Which is why the poll doesn't work well.

In your community, the norm is CY, so clearly you should mention if you're not following the norm.

In my community, CY is exceedingly rare, so it wouldn't be on my radar to ask.

amother

Royalblue

Tue, May 08 2018, 3:17 pm

amother wrote:

I don't think relying on the survey here is a good idea.

If you don't ask ahead of time- when would be a good time to find out?

There are polite ways to ask the host.

Ruchel

Tue, May 08 2018, 3:23 pm

I never assume anything except the bases for a visibly frum family. But even those. I've seen a sheitel lady unplug her blech, she said she was afraid of fires. I've seen very frei people koshering their kitchen for guests. I've seen a community leader serve treif meat way out of town. ETc etc.