DD screams at us
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Post  Thu, May 17 2018, 1:32 am
I agree with fox - the more you engage in negative behavior the more often it happens.

Kids do NEED clear bouhndries of what is exeptable behavior though. I would sit down with dd and have an open conversation.
Something like;
" We love you so so much and have a problem that we need your help with. Its really important for us that the enviorment in the home is calm so that it is a pleasant place for the whole family. Daddy's been working on _______ I have been working on _____. We also have been noticing that when we _____ you tend to react very strongly. We where wondering if you had any ideas how we can help you".

At this point she will probably start becoming disrespectful. Then you can say something like
" so since you don't have any ideas we think that whenever you are disrespectful you loose_____ (phone time, going out with her friends, electronics- whatever speaks to her). And because we understand this may be hard at first every day that you are able to communicate your needs and feeling in a respectful manner you will get __________ if you are able to have a whole week of respectful communication you will get _______ (make it something big)."

Then - and this is the important part
Ignore and implement. Whenever there is disrespectful behavior DO NOT react DO NOT engage. Just implement the consenquence when 2 hours later she asks for TV the answer is "sorry sweetie 2 hours ago you where disrespectful". Try to make the consenquences thing that are in your control - things that she needs to ask you for.

At first this will probably make the behavior escalate but eventually she will get the message.
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Post  Thu, May 17 2018, 1:43 am
OP here. Thanks everybody. Useful advise!
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