At what age do you allow DS to go to shul/stay up all night?

amother

Tan

Thu, May 17 2018, 11:14 am

DS is 10 (4th grade), and a couple of his classmates have been talking about going to a shul program specially for kids on Shavuos night, so naturally DS wants to go to. Every child is different, and while DS can stay up until the end of the Seder at 2 after a good Erev Pesach nap, he normally needs his sleep and his behavior suffers when he's sleep-deprived.

There's also a big difference between 2 am and 4:45 am, when davening starts, and 7 am, when davening ends. DH isn't planning to go to the shul where the kids' program is (and it's too far from our house with too many big streets in-between for DS to walk it alone in the middle of the night), and told DS he can stay home and learn by himself as late as he wants, but DS isn't too happy about that.

Since he's my oldest, I'd like to hear from others who are more experienced than me at what age you allowed your sons to stay up at home and/or go to shul (obviously after a nice pre-Shavuos nap).

amother

Puce

Thu, May 17 2018, 11:54 am

Each child is different. Personally - I would ask DH to reconsider going the shul where the kids program is. These are really special (and fun) nights for big kids.

Stars

Thu, May 17 2018, 12:06 pm

Kids programs aren't all night, so Can dh take him to the kids program, and then bring ds home and go to his place?

Alternatively, is there a neighbor who's going and wouldn't mind having your son tag along?

FranticFrummie

Thu, May 17 2018, 2:47 pm

I would let him try to stay up, but have a backup plan if he decides he needs to come home. Either DH, or a neighbor, needs to be available to accompany him back.

Praise him for trying, even if he only lasts an hour. I think it's lovely that he wants to learn with his friends!

keym

Thu, May 17 2018, 2:59 pm

Personally im not a huge fan of the learning programs. Too many of them could get very hefker.
But with that said my husband learns with my boys or arranges chavrusas for them while he can keep an eye on them.
By 8, we let them start out- when they got tired dh will bring them home.
Last year 9 yo made it until shacharis and came home then. This year he wants to try shacharis.
The shul is down the block- no streets so that helps this choice.
Oh an erev shavuos naps are non negotiable. This year being shabbos is actually easier to enforce.

crust

Thu, May 17 2018, 3:01 pm

Agewise, I would let. My 7-year old son will probably be begging to go and I think my husband will agree to take him for a while and then bring him back when he gets tired.

Your question is a behavior question.
Can he take a long nap shabbos in the afternoon so it doesn't affect his behavior? It's going to be such a long day anyhow.