Is my son gay? | Imamother

amother

Purple

Tue, May 22 2018, 7:12 pm

giselle wrote:

You can make him gay if you make a huge deal about it. Even trans if you go far enough.

You cannot "make" someone gay, any more than you can "make" someone straight.

OP, your son sounds like a perfectly normal little boy. Most boys play with dolls; they just call them "action figures." And what child doesn't like pretty, shiny, bright colors?

But here's the thing. If he is gay, taking away his dolls and nail polish isn't going to change that. So just enjoy him and love him. Because whomever he turns out to be in more than a decade, that's what he needs now.

giselle

Tue, May 22 2018, 7:43 pm

amother wrote:

You obviously misinterpreted my comment...

amother

Oak

Tue, May 22 2018, 7:45 pm

My sons picked plastic jewelry over cars when they were younger because it was "prettier". Never said a word about this and all the other supposedly feminine things they did.
When I see in the news young kids saying that they're gay and transgender I don't believe that it was the child's choice. I believe young kids follow what they've been conditioned and told and seek parental approval with their choices.
My boys eventually gravitated to more boyish activities although they still have an eye for pretty things.
My husbands default color is always pink. I laugh to myself every time it happens. He's had friends tell him to change the background on his phone because it looks gay. He comes from a very sheltered backgroundand and he never got the memo that pink means he's gay.
Your son could grow up a very masculine male and still like pretty stuff regardless.

das

Tue, May 22 2018, 7:50 pm

amother wrote:

As a teacher for little boys and an experienced auntie, I would tell you to put it to the wayside for now. He’s still very young! Encouraging play dates with other little boys his age with lots of balls and trucks may swiftly correct his need to be like his sister...

There's no behavior here to correct. He can and should play with whatever toys he likes.

Op, my two year old son loved twirling in a tutu. He's older now and loves "boyish" things like lights and sirens and tools.

Aylat

Tue, May 22 2018, 7:50 pm

Miri7 wrote:

My oldest DS was exactly like that. He grew up to be a very caring, doting big brother and son. The woman who marries him will be very lucky. He is definitely not gay. (We would love him the same if he was).

IMO, all kids should be encouraged to play with and care for dolls, and nail polish is just plain fun. DH's toenails are a sparkly purple right now bc DD, 4, painted them for the 3 day YT. Learning to care for babies and care for a home is important and it's good to get all kids started early.

Love it!

fmt4

Tue, May 22 2018, 7:54 pm

amother wrote:

For the first coment that asked me if It is a serious question ,yes it is. IM not joking... I have siblings and nephews and never saw them acting like that...
I know that a 2 year old cant be gay ,maybe my question is :is that a sign that he is going to be?
I saw a interview with a gay and he said that from the way he used to walk as a child his aunt knew .
Of course that even if he is going to be ,Thats not going to change anything in our relationship
Im just wondering if thats normal or stuff from my head
Thanks for the responses

“A gay”

amother

Coral

Tue, May 22 2018, 8:02 pm

This isn’t a crazy question. I’m in a more liberal community now but my background is very very frum. I allow my three year old son to play with whatever he wants and while sometimes it’s trucks and water guns and footballs, sometimes it’s also princess dresses and dolls and sticker earrings. My family expresses strong criticism when they see pictures of him doing anything effeminate, saying I’m affecting his future and influencing the chance that he’ll be transgender.

My family takes it to an extreme, but sometimes his effeminate play makes me a bit nervous. My son has actually noticed that boys are referred to as handsome and girls are beautiful. He will specifically ask me when wearing a dress or jewelry, ‘am I beautiful?’ I respond that he is with the assumption my fears are based on naught.

While I try to accept everyone, I wouldn’t wish for a difficult life for my child and at this point in time, being transgender is a difficult life, so sometimes wondering if effeminate play is an indication of trans tendencies does make me feel scared for my son. I identify with OP’s nervousness.

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, May 22 2018, 8:19 pm

amother wrote:

I'm anxious about all sorts of things wrt my children. I think that is natural.

The question is - are your parents correct that you are affecting his future?

The other opinion is that he is who he is, and nothing you can do will change is gender identity (though you could conceal from him the reality that some boys outwardly identify as girls. I'm a child of the 80s, nobody talked to me about boy body, girl identity).

In other words - I'm with you. If there was something I could do insure that my kids had the most 'straight forward' (no pun intended) life possible, I would do it. I don't know enough to say that your intervention into his childhood play preferences would do anything.

octopus

Tue, May 22 2018, 9:11 pm

Children model what they see. If he has a five year old sister who does all these things, he will want to model. I remember my son who was just a baby at the time, younger than two, would take a doll and pretend to nurse under his shirt. That's what he saw me do ( I used a cover 😉). Children model behavior. If he sees you putting on nail polish, of course he will want some!

amother

Yellow

Tue, May 22 2018, 10:52 pm

I have a cousin who was waaaay more into girl stuff. When he waa 5 he said "Hashem made me a girl in a boy body." No one taught him to say that, trust me. It was very extreme. But, he is over 10 now and completely over that stage. The dealt with it delicately because it was part of a bigger picture, but my point is to say that even in that case he grew out of it.
I think your question is valid. And I hope that you found your answer and peace of mind admist some of these answers, even the snarky ones.

amother

Salmon

Wed, May 23 2018, 2:14 am

My friend once told me when she was 5 she went through a stage for about 8-9 months. She got home from school, put on her brother's clothing, and told her whole family she was "Yitzy" and would not answer to her own name. She wanted her hair cut short and wouldn't touch anything to do with girls. She kept telling her family she was a boy, she was a boy.

At some point (this is after 8 months of this) her family got used to her calling herself Yitzy and ended up calling her it at home.

Shortly after this she dropped the whole phase. It wasn't interesting anymore when her family gave in.

She is 21, married, very girls, loves her dresses, her painted nails, and would never want to be a boy.

amother

Azure

Wed, May 23 2018, 3:12 am

amother wrote:

When I see in the news young kids saying that they're gay and transgender I don't believe that it was the child's choice. I believe young kids follow what they've been conditioned and told and seek parental approval with their choices.

Agreed. I find it terribly sad that little kids are "discovering their true identity" long before their sense of self is even fully developed. Heck, I didn't know who I was until a few years ago! Adolescence and teenagehood are meant for figuring out who we are; adulthood is for settling into that self. Children who claim to be gay/transgender, etc., have absolutely no clue who they truly are and that sense of self is being perverted by the sick-minded people trying to sway their mindsets.

We are living in such a sad world in which the frailty of childhood is being sacrificed on the altar of abominations.

And btw, did anyone ever stop and realize that the LGBT community define their entire beings by their s*xuality? If anyone else did that, we'd called them perverts, sickos, etc.

To label oneself based upon their s*xual taavos means that s*x is the most important thing in their lives. How do so many people miss that simple fact???