For the kicks of it- Raise hand if you meet this criteria;

Sunny Days

Wed, May 23 2018, 12:56 am

And we should probably add: #5) Never got kicked out of class.
why? because if these 4 random questions make up the criteria then add a 5th random question.

amother

Chocolate

Wed, May 23 2018, 1:12 am

Meet all criteria though I object to the term chareidi as I'm an American heimish born JPF adult.

amother

Coral

Wed, May 23 2018, 1:20 am

gamzehyaavor wrote:

And we should probably add: #5) Never got kicked out of class.
why? because if these 4 random questions make up the criteria then add a 5th random question.

Thanks a lot. I was doing so well before.

5) I did get kicked out of class.

So long, "normal"! (We all have issues, me included. Not sure why these are considered "bigger" or "more important", but I think calling a majority of posters here unstable is not indicative of a very healthy attitude.)

Iymnok

Wed, May 23 2018, 2:23 am

1) myob
2) yes
3) my parents were, and still are half-baked BTs. I guess that puts me somewhere in between
4) what about PPD? PPP? Prenatal depression? ADHD? Insulin? Chocolate? Coffee? Trauma? Phobias?
Not now, but I will next time be"H.

ETA: I never got kicked out of class.

notshanarishona

Wed, May 23 2018, 6:09 am

I meet the criteria mentioned but doesn't mean I don't deal with other struggles.

imasoftov

Wed, May 23 2018, 6:19 am

crust wrote:

Are you
...
4. Not on any medication for mental/emotional issues (at least not severe ones)?

Whether or not someone is being treated (medically or otherwise) for a condition is not an indicator of how that condition affects them. Some people manage their issues very well with treatment, while others have undiagnosed issues or are not being treated for one reason or another.

imasinger

Wed, May 23 2018, 6:24 am

1. Nope, but happily married for almost 18 years the second time.
2. Nope, JPF, with family all over the map.
3. Nope, BT
4. Not on any meds.

Fail on 3 of 4.

Clearly, I'm a loser who is lowering the potential standard of the board, and making it an unfit place for a frum yid to be. Wink

In all seriousness, I don't see any point in dwelling on narishkeit like the assertion.

Last edited by imasinger on Wed, May 23 2018, 7:51 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Teal

Wed, May 23 2018, 6:24 am

Are you
1. Happily married with first husband, AND
2. Chareidi, AND
3. FFB, AND
4. Not on any medication for mental/emotional issues (at least not severe ones)?

1. Not a perfect marriage but happyish.
2. Lubavitch
3. FFB
4. No medications (have had some therapy in the past)

Ruchel

Wed, May 23 2018, 6:43 am

Frankly this is what I see around. Imamother is... its own world, at times......

Aylat

Wed, May 23 2018, 6:48 am

1) yes, bH
2) JPFmaybe tending a little to dati leumi
3) brought up religious and was mitchazek
4) on antidepressants bH

ETA agree that the questions/criteria are kinda random. Doesn't show much about emotional health, levelheadedness, religiosity, spirituality etc etc

salt

Wed, May 23 2018, 6:53 am

crust wrote:

Quote from the S/o do I have room here?

Are you
1. Happily married with first husband, AND
2. Chareidi, AND
3. FFB, AND
4. Not on any medication for mental/emotional issues (at least not severe ones)?

Even if you are, go through the active posters and see how many can check all the boxes. You'll find the percentage of those who can't is far greater than what you'd find in any average Chareidi shul (even Lubavitch).
End quote.

I am curious if this "statistic" has any mamashos.

(I posted this in Working Women because I am a woman that was unnerved by, but is working on herself not to get involved in, that thread.)

1. yes, b"H
2. yes, chutznik charedi in Israel
3. yes
4. yes
And I am a working woman, and I like your definition of working women!

amother

Hotpink

Wed, May 23 2018, 7:08 am

crust wrote:

I forgot to raise my hand first.

1. BH first and last (iyh)
2. Chassidish Charedi Heimish
3. Frum from BEFORE birth
4. NO meds.
Yay. I am so normal.
I just can't take this. What if someone doesn't meet this in real life? Do I really start having discussions only with people that meet these criteria?
Do I continue to enjoy and care about people but only on the condition that they meet these criteria first?
Do I make sure people feel in place but wait! Only if you have these 4 things checked off?

I just dont get it.
oy vey, I said I am working on myself not to get involved. I will stop here for now. I will post again when I am more rational.

If you were so unnerved by that thread, would that not suggest you're mentally unstable?
Saying it with lightness and a hint of humor.

amother

Lemon

Wed, May 23 2018, 7:14 am

5. Never cheated on a test
6. Never speak loshon Horah
7.Never yell at kids or spouse
8.Never miss a tefillah

Who said that these criteria are not as important or more important?

No one gets to choose their life circumstances. It's extremely immature and downright mean to take such a poll.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, May 23 2018, 7:16 am

Iymnok wrote:

Chocolate? Coffee?

ETA: I never got kicked out of class.

The DSM changes so fast, I missed these three newly-added diagnoses. Wait, are these diagnoses or criteria for certain mental health diagnoses?

By the way, did you know that as of May 1st, 2018 "being kicked out of class" is no longer one of the criteria for diagnosis of mental illness? It's now become an indicator of mental health! I know. That's the reason so many doctors and nurses refuse to use the DSM as a diagnostic tool. Cuz it's all arbitrary, based on who's the executive director at the time.

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, May 23 2018, 7:17 am

Apologies to all and sundry for my abusive first husband. Maybe I should have stayed with him even though he hit me so I could meet this amother’s criteria. However I was married to the first guy for less than a year, and I’ve never contemplated leaving the second guy. And I’m FFB, Heimish and don’t have any mental or emotional issues.

Ruchel

Wed, May 23 2018, 7:23 am

There is no link between being FFB and having dairy instead of meaty on Shvuos, being Ashkenazi, or cooking for a MIL. Confused

amother

Natural

Wed, May 23 2018, 7:37 am

crust wrote:

Are you
1. Happily married with first husband, AND
2. Chareidi, AND
3. FFB, AND
4. Not on any medication for mental/emotional issues (at least not severe ones)?

1. My first husband is nifta. I am extremely happily married to my second. Can I be part of the IRL normal group?

2, 3, 4 Yes.

On imamother, women don't admit that they had any responsibility when there is a divorce situation. They always blast the ex even on this thread and give him 100% of the blame. They never admit they contributed to the situation even in the smallest amount.

Aylat

Wed, May 23 2018, 7:41 am

amother wrote:

Much more important. But not at all a tzidkus indicator. There are 613 mitzvot and we each excel in different areas. Moreover, 'never' is angelic not human.

Btw I am not offended by the post because it is so ridiculous. I'm not threatened by such obvious irrelevance.

watergirl

Wed, May 23 2018, 7:48 am

crust wrote:

I had to laugh at that superficial "criteria". It was either laugh at the falseness of it or cry because people believe that those things are what makes a "normal" and "well adjusted" or "healthy" person. How about this to further filter:
Are you
1. Happily married with first husband (and do you get along with his parents and your parents? And do you have children? Or suffer from infertility? And are you of average weight, or are you struggling?)
2. Chareidi (and are you up to your eyeballs in credit card debt that was racked up trying to keep up with the Goldbergs?) [Not implying that chareidi people, or any other people are struggling with this issue]. Apparently only chareidi people should be on this message board. That one had me scratching my head.
3. FFB (and more importantly, do you have emunah and understand what you do what you do, and do you believe in it?)
4. Not on any medication for mental/emotional issues (at least not severe ones) (But wish you could be? But cant, because, ya know, Shidduchim)?

I added the italic filters not out of seriousness or as indicators of any sort. Just to illustrate that even if someone meets that ridiculous list, there are STILL things that are under the surface that we all struggle with. Even the "cream of the crop" in some peoples eyes.

I'll answer it for myself.

Are you
1. Happily married with first husband, NOPE! I am happily divorced and happily raising my child from that marriage with my husband of over 10 years with our children. Leaving a bad marriage and going on to have a happy one (with struggles because I'm human) shows that I am a resilient person who has lived through a lot and adds a lot to the imamother community.
2. Chareidi, NOPE. I'm Chassidish, but Breslov. So not all would consider me that - and thats fine because it shows that I follow the correct path for myself and thereby have a lot to add to the imamother community.
3. FFB, NOPE! I'm a BT. That shows that I think for myself and chose this way of life. I believe in HKBH with all my heart and had a lot of catch up to do. I've learned a lot of Torah and have a Rav. That means that I have a lot to add to the imamother community.
4. Not on any medication for mental/emotional issues (at least not severe ones)? Ahh, nope again. I take some zoloft on and off when I feel I need it. Some years on, some years off. I have anxiety and have worked with amazing therapists and know how to live with it. The fact that I know when I need a bit of help makes me a better mother, better wife, and better friend because I know that we are all human and cant always do it without the help. You know what that means? YUP! I have a lot to add to the imamother community!

I am a work in progress. Thanks, Crust, for putting this in this forum. Arent we all? We should be! reminds me of what my FFB teacher once said. Someone said to him,
Rabbi, are you a BT? You love Torah so much and the way that you teach makes it seem like you are. He said "not yet but I'm working on it. One day...."

happyfaces

Wed, May 23 2018, 7:52 am

crust wrote:

I wanted to see if the quote in my OP has any mamashos.
Why I wanted to see it?
Oh because I got unnerved that a few hundred intelligent, warm and lovely women are put into a microscopic box of 4 questions and that all of them are portrayed as 'missing something' one way or another.

Hey, I said I will work on myself and I will not engage in that.

Hold it! If I enjoy reading imamother, then there's something wrong with me???? Oish! I better ruunnnn before it catches up with me! Help