AWhats the right answer??

zoom

Mon, Jun 04 2018, 5:11 pm

Hi,
my oldest daughter is 6 now,and she is now at the age where she is constantly asking me to buy her things that all her friends have, and I really don't know what to answer. Some of the things we really cant afford right now, and some things I either haven't managed to get, or am not planning to at all.
I've tried to tell her about the things she has already. e.g., if she tells me I really want to get this toy that my friend has" I'll tell her but we have this toy instead. I really don't know what else to say to her that will sound ok. I know this might sound trivial compared to all the rest of the stuff on this site, but any advice would really be appreciated.
Thanks!!

amother

Apricot

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 3:54 pm

First, validate. Say, "yes that looks like such a great toy. I'm sure you really want it." She doesn't want to hear about what she does have, she wants you to know that she really would like that toy! Then explain to her why she can or can't have it. I often tell my young children, "if you want we can get it for your birthday." When their birthday comes, they decide what they want most. Or you can say that it's a very expensive toy, but when it's her birthday you'll let her choose something that she really loves that won't be so expensive.

zoom

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 3:58 pm

thanks!thats a great answer!
but what about when shes asking for clothes, or shmonsers or just stuff her friends have that I wasn't planning on getting like an extra pair of shoes, a robe, different kinds of ssocks etc. even private lessons e.g swimming, ballet etc.

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 4:00 pm

Kids will notice what others have, but not so much what they have. When DD tells me that her friend has such and such, I discuss with her that every family has a mix of different things, and we can't all have exactly whatever everyone else has.

If there's an item she really wants, we might wait to get it for a birthday, Chanukah, or special occasion. Tell her she can keep a list of items she would like, and when that special occasion comes, she can choose one item (so long as it's within price range) from the list. Whenever she says she wants something, remind her to add it to her list, so that she can see if she still wants it when the time comes for something.

I also find that there are some kids who are more into "things" than others. I have one child who is more prize-needy. I have charts and contests for her, and every so often she earns a prize from my local dollar store. I find that the need for things can be satisfied quite simply and cheaply.

amother

Apricot

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 4:04 pm

miz wrote:

So you can say "I'll think about it." Then actually think about it and decide what would be good for her. If she asks again, let her know. Either "I decided it would be a good idea for you to have it, so I'm going to buy it for you." Or "that's not something we're buying now, but maybe next time you need new shoes/socks/robe we can get it." Or "this year ballet lessons isn't going to work out for you, maybe another time it will work out. "

zoom

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 4:06 pm

Thanks so much for your responses!

"that's not something we're buying now, but maybe next time you need new shoes/socks/robe we can get it." really liked this line! thanks for the advice.

problem is she sems to think that when mummy or daddy 'think about something' it is a yes..oh well guess il have to show her it may not be..

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 4:09 pm

My kids do the same. I first tell them I think it's a good idea. I think it's important that children feel that their wants are real to u. But that's if it's a pack of stationary or markers toys etc If it's another pair of shoes they don't need ill say I think it's not necessary but not because of money. It's never about money. It's just because it's wasting. If it's something they really should get like a bike then I'll say we're going to buy it because u do need it but not yet. Then I'll do my best to get it even if second hand...
It's a good idea to avoid toy stores and anticipate their needs/wants and mention before they do. It trains them to relax and assume mommy will take care... If children feel they never have it can create a begging needy child. Please make sure u are getting her what she needs plus abit more. Dollar stores are loaded with cheap stuff to make a kid feel special