Feeling Pressured to Give

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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

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amother

Jade

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 11:46 am

Kah there's lots of simchas happening around me.

I keep getting bombarded by gift requests. I often want to give, but there's just so many gift collections happening so frequently..

For example now 2 SILs are graduating school... Another SIL calls me if I want to chip in to buy gift. I said I think so. She says should be total 30 for both gifts. Later she calls me that it's $45 that I owe her.

I wouldn't have thought of buying a gift, but I think it's a nice thought. But I def. wouldn't spend that amount. Just when she asks me I feel pressured, and put on the spot, and I say yes. Then I feel so resentful.

What's your take on the whole gift giving.. and how to handle them?

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 12:03 pm

Ha ha dont get me started. We asked and SIL answered she wanted a bouncer for her baby. SIL #2 volunteered to order it and collect the $. We all agreed to $50. A few days later, SIL #2 asks for $60 each. She explained the bouncer SIL loved went on sale so she decided to also buy a swing since it was such a good deal for both. Genaiva as far as I am concerned. Not gonna make waves and want to maintain shalom in the family. But in the future, I know I will have to make the maximum I am willing to contribute crystal clear.
That being said, sometimes I wish I had a surplus of $ just for the joy of giving generous gifts to my relatives and friends.

Ruchel

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 12:06 pm

I would give what I promised, and would totally say I cannot give anymore.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 1:03 pm

It's not okay for them to raise your contribution without asking you first. If someone did that to me I would not contribute again in the future.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 4:22 pm

amother wrote:

It's not okay for them to raise your contribution without asking you first. If someone did that to me I would not contribute again in the future.

Agree. I had an issue with someone I don’t know well at all contacting numerous people to chip in (a lot) for flowers for a common friend who was making a wedding that week. She asks on a public forum so everyone is pressured to say yes...not nice! Buy your own gift and stop asking others to chip in!

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