How do I get this baby to sleep without me?

amother

Blush

Wed, Jun 06 2018, 10:42 am

I've tried letting him cry a few times, but my 6 month old just will NOT stay asleep without me. I can put him down drowsily or even asleep. He wakes up after 5 minutes or he clings to me as I'm putting him down. I've tried moving him to the other side of my bedroom, I've tried even moving him out of my room. But he wakes up after a short time. He SCREAMMSS! He will sleep for hours in my arms on on my lap, or even just in my bed. I try putting him on his crib mattress next to me in my bed (he has a minicrib so I cannot fit in it--I've heard of parents trying that).I need sleep, I need time alone with my husband. I've tried going downstairs so I won't hear him, he didn't settle down. He falls asleep with his pacifier and hasn't figured out how to put it back in yet. I've tried swaddling, I've tried sleeping on his tummy, I've tried a sleep sack. What can I do? I'm SO tired.

amother

Tan

Wed, Jun 06 2018, 11:28 am

that is a nightmare! literally! been there done that. try taking a biggish pillow that you have slept with for a few nights and putting him next to it with his arms around it - it smells like you and it feels like your bed. wrap him in your nightgown and then lie with him on a mattress on the floor in a different room. once he is asleep walk off.

You want a laugh? my 13 year old daughter sleeps with my shabbos robe that I wore when she was a baby on her pillow at night. LOL

and some hope for the future. I have 8 kids only two of them were like that and even they slept in their own beds by the age of 3 (yawn)

fraimal

Wed, Jun 06 2018, 11:34 am

amother wrote:

and some hope for the future. I have 8 kids only two of them were like that and even they slept in their own beds by the age of 3 (yawn)

Putting a pillow near a baby (especially a big pillow) is beyond dangerous! Please don't do this! How can he hug the pillow without suffocating?

pesek zman

Wed, Jun 06 2018, 12:03 pm

amother wrote:

I used to put my worn (unwashed) t-shirt near my baby's face. The smell of my clothes made him think I'm right there.

Infants are supposed to sleep in a crib void of pillows, stuffed animals. They should definitely not be sleeping with a shirt near their face

amother

Blush

Wed, Jun 06 2018, 9:25 pm

I've done the t-shirt/receiving blanket that I slept on--didn't work.
I've let him cry, and I've tried the Ferber method with my other kids, but while they sometimes do fall asleep eventually I often find that the next night instead of it taking shorter, they fight me putting them in their crib--this baby fights me putting him down.
I've tried patting his back but he just screams louder. It's not a "fighting sleep" cry it's a "panic/pain" cry.

amother

Tan

Wed, Jun 06 2018, 9:31 pm

I know it is not advisable to put things in the crib with the baby but it is also less advisable for him to co sleep.
I can tell you that the only thing that worked for me was giving them something big that smelt of me to hug. One kid it was a pillow (put below head level from chin down) and one it was a huge stuffed animal.

Some kids are far more scared than others. Leaving a child who is scared to cry can cause ptsd apart from what I have heard from gedolim that ignoring a child who is crying for an extended period of time causes them to stop being sensitive to other people's needs.

Please also give yourself the recognition that this is a huge challenge? that you are exhausted? that it is overwhelming both by day and night?

heidi

Wed, Jun 06 2018, 9:37 pm

There are bassinets meant to go in your bed. Keeps baby safe while sleeping with you. Stuffed animals, pillows and shirts can suffocate 6 month old babies. I'm really happy it didn't happen to anyone suggesting that. But it could.
As an older mother I learned that the path of least resistance usually works. Letting him sleep with you and not fighting him might relax him. At least you will both be happier and more well rested.
Reevaluate when he's one. You can never predict with babies.

rowo

Wed, Jun 06 2018, 11:10 pm

I agree with Heidi, do some research on setting up a safe co-sleeping environment and you'll all sleep better.
It still drains your kishkes, but at least you're getting some sleep.
I co-slept with my youngest two deliberately. It made such a difference. (The older ones usually ended up in my bed at some point, but I felt guilty etc etc)
I would nurse to sleep and then move away, leaving them asleep until I was ready for bed.
My two year old now goes to sleep in her own bed and I'm no longer nursing.
None of my kids were/are particularly good sleepers, so this worked for us.
I also don't function very well on little sleep for extended periods of time. I couldn't handle the need to get out of bed every time the baby woke up, then take them back and resettle once they finished nursing.
With co-sleeping neither of us would fully wake up for night nursing, so the baby would resettle much more easily.

Teomima

Thu, Jun 07 2018, 4:33 am

I agree with heidi and rowo. I respect you want your own space at night but sometimes the need to get sleep is too great. Co-sleeping with my first two was the only way I could keep sane enough to care for them properly.

With my youngest (with whom I was intent on not co-sleeping), I had to hold her till she was really, REALLY asleep (like, snoring away in my arms an extra half hour before I even tried), then I could put her down. So you can try that if yours is waking up when you put him down asleep, unless you're already doing that.

amother

Blush

Thu, Jun 07 2018, 6:23 am

We've tried having my husband put him to sleep, but it doesn't always work. We somewhat joke that after 7pm this baby doesn't want to see my husband. This baby will wriggle over to me. Even from a month or 2 old he would try to sit up to see me. He also HATES to be wet and I think when he pees it wakes him up (I've tried asking the pediatrician but so far she hasn't made a big deal about it). If I KNEW that CIO was the right thing for him--meaning its "just because he's tired"--I would do it, but he just seems to NEED me and I dont' know why. But I do try to put him down on my bed (since I'm still nursing clean it works that our beds pushed together have space for him to sleep, but our bedroom is such that we could not a bed against the wall so I get nervous about him falling off if our beds were separated). His circadian rhythm is also somewhat nuts. He falls asleep around 11pm-1am and wakes up around 9am most days. He will sometimes take a good nap in the stroller if he went for a walk but otherwise we call him "Mr.Catnap"--doesn't sleep for more than 20 mins at a time So its hard to know at night when he's really tired. My other kids were more "daddy's kids" so it feels flattering to have a kid who NEEDS ME. but right now I have an understanding employer, but Im changing jobs for next school year, I don't know if I will be so lucky.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Jun 07 2018, 12:21 pm

I only have a response to one small part of this - I also have a six month old and she is just about starting to be able to get her pacifier back in her mouth by herself, I second the advice to give him the paci in his hand during the day so he can get practice trying to get it in his mouth. Self soothing is an important aspect when/if you feel comfortable sleep training

amother

Blush

Sun, Jun 10 2018, 12:52 pm

So I was traveling a few days ago and was in a situation where baby shouldn't have been hungry but he was SCREAMING in the car and we weren't in a situation where we could pull over and he just had to figure it out--eventually he did. Since then the past 2 nights he has put himself to sleep in a pack n play--EUREKA!