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Too many relatives that are allergic to clutter

 
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amother




Bronze


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 3:00 pm
I've worked hard my whole married life, I CAN clean but I don't love it and I often find many tasks just "not worth it" while my kids are little. I don't mind a house that looks "lived in" but I have several relatives across different related-families that are like allergic to clutter--like affects them mentally. I lived in a small apartment for a long time that we managed to keep fairly clean and used the space optimally. One relative mentioned that she never visits me b/c she "can't handle the clutter". I've visited my friends in similar stage of life--and none of my friends are SUPER neat or minimalist. I came to terms that the only houses I've been in that look clean have regular cleaning help--and I don't. I can't afford it. Where does this "allergy" come from?
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amother




Peach


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 3:02 pm
It sounds incredibly rude to tell someone that. I find clutter very dysregulating, in that it makes me somewhat tense. I think it's an overload of visual stimulation, not sure. But I would never consider saying anything to my relatives who obviously aren't bothered by it, and of course we visit them. I do find it challenging, but I keep my thoughts to myself.
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flowerpower









  


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 3:08 pm
Honestly, they don’t have to come to your house if they are “allergic”. Their loss!!
Do whatever works for you. A house with kids should look like it’s lived in. Honestly, keeping a house clean is a full time job. I feel like I’m forever decluttering and cleaning sometimes
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amother




Sienna


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 3:14 pm
It comes from being used to a higher standard of cleanliness and neatness. you get so used to it that when you see otherwise, it’s jarring.
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rainbow dash









  


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 3:15 pm
I went out somewhere and my dh was babysitting, he had to go out somewhere quick and called up my mil to watch the kids. I heard back from my dh that she was complaining about the mess, that we have to clean it up cause the kids can't live like this.

I clean up everyday, I have a cleaner 2 times a week. The problem is my dh and his hoardering tendencies. It bothers me but not much I can do about it. It is mostly boxes of stuff in corners of the house so it's contained.

When I sat shiva she wanted me to sit by her cause my house wasn't clean enough and she was embarrassed, when her sister came over she told her in Swedish to ignore the mess, guess whose not welcome in my house anymore.
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 4:35 pm
flowerpower wrote:
Honestly, they don’t have to come to your house if they are “allergic”. Their loss!!
Do whatever works for you. A house with kids should look like it’s lived in. Honestly, keeping a house clean is a full time job. I feel like I’m forever decluttering and cleaning sometimes


I agree with this. My relatives constantly criticize me about clutter but they cant understand how it is to live in a small apt, work full time, and not have hired cleaning help. Every relative who criticized me were ppl who were leading different lives from me bc either their kids were grown up or they had big houses/cleaning help. So they are not sympathetic. This is why I dont want them coming to my house.
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