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Being rejected based on background
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thunderstorm









  


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 6:49 pm
momX4 wrote:
I'm assuming this is Monsey.

It's well known now not to move unless your kids have a spot in school. Although schools like Ashar and Ateres have an open acceptance policy, as far as I know.

Back then They were not accepted a year later Ateres did accept . But a full year after the kids were home. And yes this is Monsey that many like to refer to as "Ir Hatorah"... it is disgraceful .
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naturalmom5









  


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 6:51 pm
amother wrote:
My parents worked very hard to come to America and give their children and future grandchildren a better life and freedom of religion to be able to be frum and get a good jewish education.
It is so extremely frustrating that no matter where I turn in the jewish community no one wants to accept my kids into their establishment because I dont have "yichus" and that my background is not full of names like cohen, fried and klein...
Is this what hashem wants???
My grandfather's family was killed by the nazis because they were jewish and now their decedents cant get a proper jewish education because the shtetl where my grandfather was born was destroyed in the holocaust and no one survived to become a big chassidus???
This is just so unfair to me and to my kids!!!


BTDT... my husband and myself are baali tshuva . We went through this with schools and shidduchim, then again with our children even though, in theory they are FFB.

Experience has taught me that what you consider proper j ed... is anything but..
The genuine schools will take you with open arms,,, You just got to find them
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amother




Navy


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 6:52 pm
If a school rejects me for lack of yichus I would NOT want my child in such a school where priorities are skewed.
Go where you're celebrated, not denegraded.
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amother




Navy


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 6:54 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:


Experience has taught me that what you consider proper j ed... is anything but..
The genuine schools will take you with open arms,,, You just got to find them

This.
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amother




Peach


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 12:23 am
This thread is so sad. No wonder we have so many at risk/otd children.

OP, I'm sorry to say that the best advice I have for you is to move OOT. Really OOT. Like away from NY and most of NJ.

Are you chassidish? There may be a place for you.
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amother




Mint


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 2:31 am
Getting into my high school of choice took 4 interviews, many rabbanim calling, and about 8 months. And they only accepted me 2 days before school.

When I was thrown out for a stupid reason it took another 3 interviews and 5 months to get me back.

I like the girls in the school and the teachers. The principal was awful though, most people really disliked her, she dressed only in brown and beige suits and was trying to mold the school in that direction, although the majority of the students weren't that type. (Originally the school hadn't been that type either).
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ProudMommie









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 5:22 am
thunderstorm wrote:
OP I hear you loud and clear . I went through this so so many times that I predict it already. And yes, it came back to me that it was because of my background. One menahel of a school (I won't say which) told a rebbe in the school , that a certain child of a BT was a lost case and there's no point in putting an effort into the child, after all his grandfather ate chazer (pig). With an attitude like that it makes me wonder who the frum ones really are.
An both my mother and my inlaws cried bitter tears each time one of my kids (their grandchildren , second generation FFBs went through the non stop rejection from schools) . They gave up more than you can imagine to be frum god fearing ehrliche yidden and this is the communities response to their offspring.
Just remember OP it's not YOU with the issues . It's this demented world we live in, where the attitude gets worse by the year. Keep strong. Be proud of your roots. To HaShem your parents yichus atzmo is way more special.
I feel your pain, went through a lot of bitterness over it and then decided this is just HaShems way of preparing me for my kids shidduchim IY"h.
By then hopefully the constant rejection won't hurt as much. For anyone that has not been in your shoes,, they will never truly believe you and will try to convince you that it "must be for other reasons". Unfortunately the truth hurts and people have a hard time accepting that the community is cruel to certain people.


thank you...it gives me chizuk what you wrote...as I read this very very sad post. The "ffb" community has lots to be ashamed of ...As baalei teshuva in EY we have BH been able to accept and process the tremendous sinas chinam that characterizes a significant segment of the frum oilam. No more questions of why we r in golus and why we suffer so much..After much crying and suffering we have come to realize that it can't be about the community...never...not for us anymore. Ahavas Yisrael is an exception and BH for it... This so-called "chosheve" community will destroy our children if we let it. However, we became frum because we love Hshem and his Torah and He so loves us...and by the way...how does that menahel or whoever that was know that his mother or father did not eat chazeir? Certainly that kind of mentality does not just all of the sudden spring from a true descendant of Avraham Avinu. ...just saying
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ProudMommie









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 5:27 am
amother wrote:
My parents worked very hard to come to America and give their children and future grandchildren a better life and freedom of religion to be able to be frum and get a good jewish education.
It is so extremely frustrating that no matter where I turn in the jewish community no one wants to accept my kids into their establishment because I dont have "yichus" and that my background is not full of names like cohen, fried and klein...
Is this what hashem wants???
My grandfather's family was killed by the nazis because they were jewish and now their decedents cant get a proper jewish education because the shtetl where my grandfather was born was destroyed in the holocaust and no one survived to become a big chassidus???
This is just so unfair to me and to my kids!!!


OP, please know that Hshem loves you. It is for you and people like you that Mashiach will come. This is not about you..There r not so many real jews in the world as it appears...Daven to Hshem and do the best you can...and dont expect anything mire than you have been getting. I could have written the same post..Did you ever think that your children were to precious to be put into schools with such hanhalos? Please reach out to me if you want. I think we r the same background...
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devash1









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 6:04 am
We also faced a lots of rejections from schools. I cried lots of tears but my husband was stronger than me and reassured me that Hashem would get them in where they were supposed to go. In the end they did get accepted to schools but that pain of rejection is still there for me.
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ProudMommie









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 6:04 am
amother wrote:
nope - I live in Cleveland Smile I see your point ...


please, please...clarify. I am originally from Cleveland and I dont think it really happens there...planning a move bck possibly...please do a chessed and tell me the truth...if the schools there are the same rejecting, judgemental etc ...pls pm me or say it. My child has been home for a year and I cant go thru more...
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shabbatiscoming









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 6:09 am
This is so sad and so completely NOT what TRUE yiddishkeit is really about.

OP, I think you are trying to get your kids into the wrong schools. If a school wont accept your kids because you have the wrong yichus or dont have any, I really think that is not a good Jewish school. I mean really, is that what Judaism is REALLY about? Not at all.

I do think, unfortunately, that only certain sects/streams of judaism do this shtick, not all do this.

Its terrible and should be stopped.
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Ruchel









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 6:31 am
Some schools become picky and choose on whatever criteria - grades, yichus (though I don't know if that one), money, localtion...
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amother




Peach


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 7:04 am
ProudMommie wrote:
please, please...clarify. I am originally from Cleveland and I dont think it really happens there...planning a move bck possibly...please do a chessed and tell me the truth...if the schools there are the same rejecting, judgemental etc ...pls pm me or say it. My child has been home for a year and I cant go thru more...


No no! She is the amother that said school DO let you in. Cleveland is fine!! Go back and find her post.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 7:13 am
I know Mrs. Basch and she is a Wilhelm she remembers her Zeidy going from house to house begging college boys parents to send to Torah Vdaas. And todays days you can be as a chasidish as anything and you don't get in no where even in your own chasiduses school.
1 עס איז דא אן עקסטער גהינום פאר ראש הישיבות
That reject kids.
2. נעם אריין דיין אייגענע שפייאכץ.
אויב עס איז פון דיין חסידות מוזט זיי אריין לאזן
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 7:16 am
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 8:12 am
thunderstorm wrote:
They came from Monroe to Monsey and their mother is a child of geirim. Everything else was fully functional and normal at the time. At that time Monsey Chasidish schools would not accept people moving from Monroe.


I'm so sorry for your experience and your SIL's, that's crazy.

Why in the world would monsey schools not accept families who moved from monroe?? I've been puzzling over this.
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Laiya









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 8:18 am
thunderstorm wrote:
They came from Monroe to Monsey and their mother is a child of geirim. Everything else was fully functional and normal at the time. At that time Monsey Chasidish schools would not accept people moving from Monroe. Litvish schools said go to a Chasidish school. Modern schools said no way it just doesn't make sense. Add to that my SILs background and they assumed they moved to Monsey for the wrong reasons. She moved here because her parents and siblings all live here.
Now I probably gave myself away completely because of this story .But I wanted to be blatantly honest so you understand that there was no real reason other than family background.
10 yrs later other SIL tried getting little daughter into school with the same run around. My DH happens to be friendly with the founder of the school and he admitted , he found I weird that Chasidish father and mother from interesting background were applying to his school and didn't want "weird" people in his school. When DH told him it's his sister (who is not weird at all) he accepted my niece that day.
There is major judgment on us and it always comes back to family background. We are second class citizens which means "weird" according to them. Sorry it's the truth and nobody cares!


Wondering in general, who runs the schools that do this rejecting?

Are they privately owned? Is the hanhalla answerable to a board? If so, is the board comprised of other parents? Is the board answerable to a specific rav in the community?

Either way, it's a terrible situation.
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thunderstorm









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 9:20 am
Laiya wrote:
Wondering in general, who runs the schools that do this rejecting?

Are they privately owned? Is the hanhalla answerable to a board? If so, is the board comprised of other parents? Is the board answerable to a specific rav in the community?

Either way, it's a terrible situation.

Between my own and family members experience this happened between more than 10 schools. Some ae run privately some under rabbanim and some under mosdos. They all provided the same treatment.
When we went to our Rav , a well respected Rav in the community, he told us unfortunately the schools have an attitude where they don't listen to the rabbanim. The only people that have a "say" are some askanim, which are usually people with money and are movers and shakers. It's a sad situation and what bothers me the most is that so, so many people cover their eyes to see the truth and are in denial of what is really going on here.
Baruch HaShem my kids are all in schools , but it did mean I had to send one of my kids to a playgroup for a third year because it took me two years of interviews and rejections until one of the businessmen in the board got us in to one of the schools.
We went through this with every preschool registration AND highschool/ Mesivta , with each child. I know I'm not the only one that had to experience this. There are way too many similar stories.
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ProudMommie









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 9:25 am
https://www.youtube.com/watch?.....Q&t=6s

We need to sit in sackcloth with ashes on our head..
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rainbow dash









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 10:22 am
amother wrote:
Why do you think it's based on your background?

In was rejected from one place because DH has a job, from another place because I wore a crew neck top (buttons are acceptable) a other place because ds (4) kicked the table during the interview.

All these rejections we're blessings in disguise. We sent our kids to schools we didn't think would work out. Shockingly, we couldn't have been happier.


Did you ask them how dare they ask for tuition if the man isn't allowed to work to earn money and why are they seemingly forcing people into poverty? Sick sick sick
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