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Does it ever get better?
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amother




Brunette


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 11:23 pm
its been close to a year with no income. no programs. nothing. we've been scraping by on savings and the grace of God really ( it doesnt even make sense that we have food)waiting for my husbands business to turn around. it has fantastic potential but for reasons known to only God, we have been facing many many seemingly impassable tests. I feel like I cant go on sometimes. it's hard to sleep at night. the stress is everywhere.
noone knows. the show must go on. someone asked me today if I'm going away this summer and I nearly threw up in my mouth.
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amother




Puce


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 11:31 pm
Hi op. I think I couldve written your post. Many times I wanted to but even the details of writing it would stress me out. I don't really have much to say other than you are not alone. The stress is not just there it keeps building up and so do the bills. It is so hard. My worst part is that my dh is a procrastinator so everyday that goes by is another day of stress. I will be following this. Good luck
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amother




Brunette


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 11:41 pm
amother wrote:
Hi op. I think I couldve written your post. Many times I wanted to but even the details of writing it would stress me out. I don't really have much to say other than you are not alone. The stress is not just there it keeps building up and so do the bills. It is so hard. My worst part is that my dh is a procrastinator so everyday that goes by is another day of stress. I will be following this. Good luck


I have no complaints about my husband thank God he does his best this is entirely just from God . doesnt even make logical sense noone would believe us.
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amother




Puce


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 12:01 am
Why won't anyone believe you? And I must say your loyalty to your dh. Is admirable.
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amother




Aubergine


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 12:07 am
Op, if you’re tryig it all, but it’s still so hard, why don’t you apply for govt programs until things improve?
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amother




Brunette


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 12:09 am
amother wrote:
Op, if you’re tryig it all, but it’s still so hard, why don’t you apply for govt programs until things improve?


I thought abt it but on paper we wouldnt get approved. anyways how would that help w rhe 10k I owe the schools or the fact that my home is going into foreclosure on the 15th?
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amother




Brunette


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 12:09 am
amother wrote:
Why won't anyone believe you? And I must say your loyalty to your dh. Is admirable.


cuz we live in a house we own and drive leases cars that we leased before this all happened. just hard to believe myself..
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Goldie613









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 12:15 am
amother wrote:
I thought abt it but on paper we wouldnt get approved. anyways how would that help w rhe 10k I owe the schools or the fact that my home is going into foreclosure on the 15th?


Do the schools know your situation? Even if they won't /can't do anything about what you already owe, they may be able to do something about next year's tuition.
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miami85









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 1:03 am
I can relate to this post on many levels. For years we've said the same thing. But as much as we have struggled, the struggle has influenced some decisions that we have made which have had a domino effect and continue to shape our life. For example, during a time that I wasn't working I was using a dropoff babysitter, and ended up making one of my best friends today. When I was in school and every possible logical way of making parnassah seemed impossible HAshem placed the perfect opportunities in my lap. When my husband finished kollel and we realized that he needed a job b/c our expenses were outpacing my income, he ended up in the perfect job in many ways. Every time a big expense comes our way and we put in on a credit card, I say "It's Hashem's cheshbon"---He decided we needed it, He will figure out when and how we are paying for it. These various turns of events are influencing us now that we are moving and daily we see His assistance in helping us move.
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amother




Amethyst


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 5:31 am
Please confide in some people-friends, relatives or Rabbi. You can't carry this alone and people want to help. Maybe this is the reason you are being tested with this nisayon. Pride is not always the right thing.
And it will get better iy"h. Keep davening.
I hope you see relief soon.
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Goldie613









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 10:42 am
amother wrote:
my home is going into foreclosure on the 15th?


Would you feel comfortable borrowing from a relative/friend or a gemach just enough to keep from losing the house? Once you've brought your payments currents, maybe you could make arrangements for lower payments.

I don't know who's good, but I believe there are credit counselors who sometimes have "pull" to make those kind of arrangements...
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amother




Amber


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 11:07 am
amother wrote:
I thought abt it but on paper we wouldnt get approved. anyways how would that help w rhe 10k I owe the schools or the fact that my home is going into foreclosure on the 15th?


OP, I'm sorry you're going through this, and wish you the best.

But wishing isn't going to make it happen.

You need to either get the funds to pay your mortgage arrears, or you need to sell your house and move somewhere you can afford.

Since someone asked you if you're going away, I have to ask if you have a job. If not, you need to get one, to try to salvage something, or else you're going to wind up on the streets. And your DH may need to take a second job.

Beg or borrow. Ask for a loan from a gemach. From your family. But save your house.

(And tell the school what the situation is, and that they'll have their money when you have it. Other things come first.)
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amother




Cerise


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 12:26 pm
my dh started a business with a friend. The business didn't end up working out and my dh decided it was time to stop throwing good money after bad and he went and got a salaried job. It wasn't an easy choice because we probably won't recoup most of what we lost ( which was A LOT of money) but still it couldn't go on like this. In my dh's case there were "natural" reasons why it wasn't working that were out of his control so it wasn't like we were sitting scratching our head why it wasn't working but it also wasn't his fault. This is where I'm coming from so forgive me if my advice sounds like a debbie downer.


Is there any business mentor that might be able to advise your husband about something he might be missing?

can he make the business a side job and get a regular day job to earn an income?

In terms of borrowing from friends and family- I probably don't have to tell you this but it gets complicated if the only way you can pay them back is if this business succeeds, what happens if it doesn't? You can see if anyone is willing to gift you the money.

Is there anyone who might be willing to invest in the company for a large share? will probably be hard to find if the business isn't doing well...

Has the business ever been successful and now it's not or it's never been?

When you say on paper you don't qualify for government programs do you mean you are earning money just not enough for your high bills?

there's no reason to feel like you need to keep this hush hush. These thing happen.
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amother




Cerise


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 12:35 pm
puce- if your dh is a procrastinator, having his own business might not be the best fit. I consider myself a very supportive wife but I do think that sometimes the wife has to say enough is enough. Just something to think about.
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amother




Brunette


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 12:45 pm
thanks everyone for your advise. bh our mortgage isnt too far behind , it's a small second loan th a needs to be paid by the 15th. will work it out iyh. regarding all your ideas, I appreciate them but its complicated. he cant walk away from his business and I help him run it so cant take another job. the schools are aware and we have never been late til this year but doesnt make me feel any better. I dont think they will allow my kids to come next yr until this is cleared up.
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Squishy









  


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 3:25 pm
amother wrote:
thanks everyone for your advise. bh our mortgage isnt too far behind , it's a small second loan th a needs to be paid by the 15th. will work it out iyh. regarding all your ideas, I appreciate them but its complicated. he cant walk away from his business and I help him run it so cant take another job. the schools are aware and we have never been late til this year but doesnt make me feel any better. I dont think they will allow my kids to come next yr until this is cleared up.


Are there any free mentors? Some Chambers of Commerce have retired businessmen who will go over your plan for free and continue to advise without cost. Some counties provide this service.

Can you get your lease taken over by someone and get a cheaper vehicle? I know situations where this worked out. The potential to go wrong exists. Is the lease in your personal name or the business name?

Are you sure you don't qualify for programs? Most are income based. You are allowed to have assets.
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amother




Cerise


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 3:49 pm
just want to second what squishy said: my dh's partner was able to get free mentoring where we live, it might be worth looking in to it. We got medicaid with assets. We b"H didn't need the other programs but definitely look in to it.
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amother




Puce


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 3:51 pm
amother wrote:
puce- if your dh is a procrastinator, having his own business might not be the best fit. I consider myself a very supportive wife but I do think that sometimes the wife has to say enough is enough. Just something to think about.
I did. Many times. Its not helping. It's not worth the fight.
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amother




Cerise


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 3:53 pm
oy puce- I'm sorry to hear that Sad is there anyone else your husband will listen to? I know sometimes the answer is no Sad
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amother




Puce


Post  Wed, Jun 13 2018, 4:08 pm
amother wrote:
oy puce- I'm sorry to hear that Sad is there anyone else your husband will listen to? I know sometimes the answer is no Sad
I don't think so. He tells me he agrees with me but then doesn't do anything about it. I'm very different and I try to do things before they build up. This is real test for me. I don't know what hashem wants from me.
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