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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
amother
Gold
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 4:29 pm
Does anyone have experience dealing in a public with a child who looks totally normal but can suddenly behave in a really crazy way? I can't just stay at home anymore. It is not a problem in school (BH) at the moment just when out with me. Yes, he has a pretty severe social disability that we are dealing with and no, it is not immediately noticeable. But, I keep getting looks when I am out with him and he acts out and he notices and then gets upset which makes it a million times worse. Any ideas?
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amother
Mauve
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 4:59 pm
My theory on this, as a parent of autistic kids.
BTW this theory is much easier theorize about than put into practice.
Whatever the kid does in public (and elsewhere) is done like Hashem moving a puppet, for my personal spiritual development.
So the details for each person are different.
So for ME - my wanting the kid to "look good" in public is a form of "seeking kavod". If that s my "goal" in a given situation, I will be doing the wrong thing. What I have to do is do whatever is best for the child. Professional advice combined with gut feeling tells me what that is.
Yeah like I said it's much better as a "theory" than as a practical suggestion.
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amother
Amethyst
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 5:10 pm
I have a child like this. He has mild to moderate form of anxiety, and when he starts acting up in public, people just think he is spoiled/ not brought up right/ noone taught him how to behave /etc. He is an older child , 11 y/o, and also tall for his age,so those who don't know think he is even older. And yes he does look completely normal and for the most part act completely normal. I am afraid I don't have any practical advise. I just tell myself that at the end of the day it's not going to matter what others think. My job is to attend to my son's needs, not to worry about what others think . I really get the frustration though.
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amother
Gold
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 5:27 pm
I am not bothered because of what others think. I am bothered because the stares and comments really hurt him. he is incapable of ignoring. seems to be the worst of both worlds. he can't work out how to behave but he knows he is getting it wrong. He is also 11 yrs old and big for his age.
I am specifically upset today because some stupid woman told me IN FRONT OF HIM that if this was her child she would stop spoiling him and give him a good slap. I was coping with the situation at the time. He wasn't hurting anyone or damaging anything. how dare she assume things? and he was so upset. It took him EIGHT hours to calm down...
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amother
Lime
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 6:24 pm
You're son has so much to be proud of. He works on himself every day. Every day he is thrown in front of a mountain and told "climb" and every day he tries to climb.
Other people have their mountains too. Some people's mountains come in the form of treating others with respect, and minding their own business. With all due respect to them, it seems like they just failed miserably, while your son actually is putting in the work to take another step forward.
Maybe your son can learn to feel compassion for those rude individuals who feel the need to mind others' business. He is doing the best he can, and he knows it. I wonder if "rude lady" even thought about becoming her best self today. She probably wouldn't have told him or you off, if she was worrying about becoming her best self. Poor her.
Such a shame that her enjoyment in life comes from being rude and negative Nancy. She doesn't know the joys of self control or inner growth.
Can you and your son frame it like that?
I try to do this with my kids when we run into such situations. They are younger, so I still can be idealistic
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