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Forum -> Working Women
Quality Vs. Quantity Time
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 7:41 pm
I'm going back to work soon, after giving birth to my first.
I might be in denial that in leaving my newborn for such a long stretch of the day.
I'm out of the house from 7:30 to 6.

I'm looking for support and ideas on quality vs quantity on spending time with my child.

All suggestions welcome.
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 7:49 pm
amother wrote:
I'm going back to work soon, after giving birth to my first.
I might be in denial that in leaving my newborn for such a long stretch of the day.
I'm out of the house from 7:30 to 6.

I'm looking for support and ideas on quality vs quantity on spending time with my child.

All suggestions welcome.


Hi. What a tough decision. I feel for you.

Just curious -- are you the only person providing the income? What's your reason for returning to work full-time? May I speak freely? In no way is this a bash or judgment. If you feel ambivalent in any way at all about leaving your newborn that long, my advice is to trust your gut. If you want to (and are able to) stay home with baby or maybe work only half the time, that might feel better to you. Are you able to do that? Now, may I edge gently to the topic of lifestyle? (Again, no judgment!) If you are working to maintain status quo or other luxuries, you might want to weigh their importance against that of a solid bond with your baby...they grow up so fast and you only get one shot at it. I personally (am obv of a diff generation) adhere to the "forego the luxuries and raise your own kids" which I did and am so glad that I did.

Anyway, I am sure to be bashed shortly, but I thought I would just share my opinion and view with you. Good luck to you, whatever you decide! Just do what is right by your child. I am sure you will! Smile
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 7:54 pm
I've never worked that many hours after having a baby. But so many mothers do and they are good mothers. Feedings, diaper changes, bathtime are all moments we can turn into quality time. Utilize your weekends and make the most of it.
Hire lots of cleaning help and maybe even cooking help so that the little precious time you have is spent with your child as much as possible.
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 7:55 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
I've never worked that many hours after having a baby. But so many mothers do and they are good mothers. Feedings, diaper changes, bathtime are all moments we can turn into quality time. Utilize your weekends and make the most of it.
Hire lots of cleaning help and maybe even cooking help so that the little precious time you have is spent with your child as much as possible.


Well-said. Applause
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 7:58 pm
amother wrote:
Hi. What a tough decision. I feel for you.

Just curious -- are you the only person providing the income? What's your reason for returning to work full-time? May I speak freely? In no way is this a bash or judgment. If you feel ambivalent in any way at all about leaving your newborn that long, my advice is to trust your gut. If you want to (and are able to) stay home with baby or maybe work only half the time, that might feel better to you. Are you able to do that? Now, may I edge gently to the topic of lifestyle? (Again, no judgment!) If you are working to maintain status quo or other luxuries, you might want to weigh their importance against that of a solid bond with your baby...they grow up so fast and you only get one shot at it. I personally (am obv of a diff generation) adhere to the "forego the luxuries and raise your own kids" which I did and am so glad that I did.

Anyway, I am sure to be bashed shortly, but I thought I would just share my opinion and view with you. Good luck to you, whatever you decide! Just do what is right by your child. I am sure you will! Smile


Usually may I speak freely is followed by a pause for a response.

She already decided.

OP - any time you spend talking, reading, playing, snuggling with your newborn is quality time. I bet that who ever is taking care of baby, when you aren't will be doing all this. Your child will feel much love.
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 8:15 pm
amother wrote:
Usually may I speak freely is followed by a pause for a response.

She already decided.

OP - any time you spend talking, reading, playing, snuggling with your newborn is quality time. I bet that who ever is taking care of baby, when you aren't will be doing all this. Your child will feel much love.


No, she has not already decided. When one posts on imamother such an inquiry requesting suggestions, this indicates that OP is still deciding. Big difference.

Thank you, though, dear Miss Mustard, for your brief tutorial on the Elements of Style (Publisher‎: ‎Harcourt, Brace & Howe‎ (1920); Authors: William Strunk & E.B. White). A quite clever and handy little tome, to be sure!
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 8:24 pm
amother wrote:
No, she has not already decided. When one posts on imamother such an inquiry requesting suggestions, this indicates that OP is still deciding. Big difference.

Thank you, though, dear Miss Mustard, for your brief tutorial on the Elements of Style (Publisher‎: ‎Harcourt, Brace & Howe‎ (1920); Authors: William Strunk & E.B. White). A quite clever and handy little tome, to be sure!


No. She said she's going back to work. So she's going back to work.. some respect. Some respect also for the fact that she's probably spent a whole bunch of time working through this.

Thank-you for for your 1920s style reference. I'm sure it was written with social media in mind.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 8:24 pm
Yes, I think it is decided on the hours already.

For what it's worth, OP, I've been in your shoes. As soon as I got in them, I was looking for the next opportunity that came along that shortened my hours, to get me out of those shoes.

When I did work long hours, I had a hard time making the few hours I had with my kids "quality" hours because I was so tired. But my work hours were pretty grueling (ie medical residency). My consolation was that if I couldn't be with the kids, I'd make darn sure that the person who was with them provided as much love and care and safety as possible.

When my DH had the long hours, his idea of spending time with them was falling asleep on the floor in 2 seconds and letting the kids play jungle gym on him. It's the best he could do at the time.
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 8:37 pm
Another mother here with long hours due to medical residency. Just enjoy them. I promise you will still always be their mommy because of the quality of time and the warm home you make for them no matter what the hours are.
We almost always make sure to have family dinner no matter what time. I feel so much bonding happens then!
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 9:09 pm
As a working mother I believe there is no substitute for QUANTITY TIME, for being present, when possible. Personally I work part time though it means we have less income...I'd never have it any other way. And the time I am home is 100% devoted to my child. I respect people who make other choices and I know that not everyone has the same situation for many many reasons. May all of us have strong bonds with our children regardless:)

Last edited by amother on Wed, Jul 18 2018, 4:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 9:29 pm
I agree. There is absolutely no substitute for quantity time.
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 10:05 pm
Is there an option to bring your baby with you? Perhaps there's a babysitter near where you work?

I'm going to agree to what amother cerulean has said - and I'll say it under my SN. I made the mistake of working full time when my oldest was a baby. I regret it very much, and I would not do it again would I have the choice.

That said, I'm well aware that nowadays we don't always have choices, and you have to do the best you can. Try to get the best babysitter you can, someone who really cares about kids and will give your baby her best. Also, maybe the babysitter can share pictures during the day, or keep a log of what the baby is doing so that you can feel connected. If you have a nanny, please install a camera system...
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Woman of Valor




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 10:13 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
Is there an option to bring your baby with you? Perhaps there's a babysitter near where you work?

I'm going to agree to what amother cerulean has said - and I'll say it under my SN. I made the mistake of working full time when my oldest was a baby. I regret it very much, and I would not do it again would I have the choice.

That said, I'm well aware that nowadays we don't always have choices, and you have to do the best you can. Try to get the best babysitter you can, someone who really cares about kids and will give your baby her best. Also, maybe the babysitter can share pictures during the day, or keep a log of what the baby is doing so that you can feel connected. If you have a nanny, please install a camera system...


Would you be comfortable sharing why you regret it? Did you regret it during or just after? I just feel it can help the OP and others as well.
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 10:19 pm
WindowMagic wrote:
Would you be comfortable sharing why you regret it? Did you regret it during or just after? I just feel it can help the OP and others as well.


It was very hard at the time, and it had long term repercussions as well - at least I thought that it did. I don't know if this is everyone's experience and I can only talk for myself. As for more specifics - I would feel more comfortable explaining in a pm, if you want more info.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 11:03 pm
amother wrote:
Hi. What a tough decision. I feel for you.

Just curious -- are you the only person providing the income? What's your reason for returning to work full-time? May I speak freely? In no way is this a bash or judgment. If you feel ambivalent in any way at all about leaving your newborn that long, my advice is to trust your gut. If you want to (and are able to) stay home with baby or maybe work only half the time, that might feel better to you. Are you able to do that? Now, may I edge gently to the topic of lifestyle? (Again, no judgment!) If you are working to maintain status quo or other luxuries, you might want to weigh their importance against that of a solid bond with your baby...they grow up so fast and you only get one shot at it. I personally (am obv of a diff generation) adhere to the "forego the luxuries and raise your own kids" which I did and am so glad that I did.

Anyway, I am sure to be bashed shortly, but I thought I would just share my opinion and view with you. Good luck to you, whatever you decide! Just do what is right by your child. I am sure you will! Smile


Tough decision? It's not a decision.
You do what u gotta do.
To answer your first question, yes I am.
Second question- to put a roof over my head.
It may be nice, and I'm sure I'd make a wonderful sahm, but it's not an option for me..
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 11:05 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
I've never worked that many hours after having a baby. But so many mothers do and they are good mothers. Feedings, diaper changes, bathtime are all moments we can turn into quality time. Utilize your weekends and make the most of it.
Hire lots of cleaning help and maybe even cooking help so that the little precious time you have is spent with your child as much as possible.


You would think with that many hours I would make enough for cleaning help, right?
Well, I can't.
(I'm not complaining, I'm thankful I have a good job and can pay my bills)
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 11:06 pm
amother wrote:
No, she has not already decided. When one posts on imamother such an inquiry requesting suggestions, this indicates that OP is still deciding. Big difference.

Thank you, though, dear Miss Mustard, for your brief tutorial on the Elements of Style (Publisher‎: ‎Harcourt, Brace & Howe‎ (1920); Authors: William Strunk & E.B. White). A quite clever and handy little tome, to be sure!


No, read the op again.
I didn't say I'm thinking of going back to work. I clearly said I'm going..
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amother
White


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 11:09 pm
I think my best advice to you would be to find ways to minimize what you need to be busy with around the house during the baby's waking hours. I've worked many variations of part time and full time over the course of my mothering career, and I've felt the most fulfilled when I could just snuggle with my baby and focus on him when I was home from work. Not eyeing the laundry or the dishes, not relaxing on my phone- just being totally present with my child. That, and try to figure out how you can get enough sleep. Because everything is a million times worse when you're tired all the time.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 11:11 pm
Great. Now I'm bawling..
Sometimes we do what we have to do.
I'm thankful for my job. I'm thankful I can pay bills.

To the doc amothers above - I'll take any tips u can give me. Pretty please!!
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Mon, Jun 18 2018, 11:17 pm
amother wrote:
Great. Now I'm bawling..
Sometimes we do what we have to do.
I'm thankful for my job. I'm thankful I can pay bills.

To the doc amothers above - I'll take any tips u can give me. Pretty please!!


I know some may shoot me but is there ANY way you can cut down hours? Not saying you shouldn't work!! This can affect your bond with your child permanently. 7:30 to 6 does not give you more than an hour or 2 per day with your child at most. I have put creating a secure attachment with my child first even though it means less income. Just think about the long term effects which can be devastating.


Last edited by amother on Wed, Jul 18 2018, 4:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
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