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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Would you make her get a haircut?
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krembo




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 19 2018, 2:58 pm
Are you bathing her nightly during the summer? Then just use good conditioner, put some leave-in conditioner in, and comb the hair right after the bath (never when dry). Keep it in a pony during the day. (Get her some cute colorful ponytail holders if she's not used to it being up.) As long as you're brushing it nightly after the bath and not letting it hang loose during the day, it's pretty easy to take care of and you shouldn't have tangle problems. It's also a cozy time to chat while you gently comb through her hair (use a large tooth detangling comb).
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teachkids




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 19 2018, 6:26 pm
Just my 2 cents from my childhood experiences:
I had very curly unruly hair. My mother's rule was that as long as she had to take care of it, it was short. Like above my shoulders short. Like embarrassing short.
Once I was old enough to be responsible to take care of it, I grew it as fast as I could, but it took FOREVER, and I had to keep trimming it, and it never really got very long.
There's somewhere between short and long that can be a happy medium.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Tue, Jun 19 2018, 10:14 pm
Be careful. When dd was almost 10 she was very proud of her long gorgeous hair. Then she got lice when I was in week 35 of an extremely complicated pregnancy (baby was delivered 4 days later and spent a difficult month in the NICU). No professional lice remover would take her with such long hair and I just COULDN'T deal with it like that myself, especially since I was A. extremely unwell, and B.unsure when I'd be heading back to the hospital. So I cut it. Still don't think I had much of a a choice but dd STILL resents it- several years later- even though she's old enough to understand the situation.She tells me she's still traumatized.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Tue, Jun 19 2018, 10:21 pm
How much are you talking about cutting? Honestly, it really needs to be long enough to be in a pony/bun/braids in the summer anyway. Once it's that long, two inches or so is not going to make a huge difference in terms of maintenance. If she's playing in the dirt, short hair will get a lot dirtier than long hair tied back will.
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Tue, Jun 19 2018, 10:46 pm
I still don’t get how she wears her hair every day. Most girls pull their hair back into a pony in the summer. Why is that hard to manage?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 20 2018, 12:32 am
Thanks for all the food for thought. I appreciate it. I think I'm ready to have another conversation with her... and will probably end up telling her that I'll give it a 1-2 week trial.

Lemon: what's hard to manage is that her hair is so long and thick that if she simply pulls it back into a ponytail then regular summer activities are going to make it snarly and dirty every day. It is very long and bushy. Right now she mostly wears braids or buns (which are held in with several bobby pins each because it is too much hair for a pony bun!)

Chocolate: I would definitely keep it long enough to put in a pony. We actually had the opposite conversation one year, I don't remember if it was her or her sister, but someone wanted a short haircut and I had to say it will wait until after the summer! But we're not talking about two inches or so. Her ponytail is... I haven't measured it exactly but LONG. We could for sure lop off about 6 inches and still have enough left for braids.

I don't know when people have time for all this nightly bathing (ps, washing long hair takes longer than washing short hair) and combing. I aim for nightly baths in the summer but realistically it doesn't happen. If they're filthy then it's definitely a bath night, but if I'm having a busy day I will just strictly order them not to dig in the sand and hope that they come in clean enough to pass.

But I am going to take heart from all your encouragement that it may not be so difficult, and will give it a try. If it becomes a pain to keep up, we can always cut it then.
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Wed, Jun 20 2018, 5:58 am
Are you using conditioner?
It helps tame the hair a lot
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 20 2018, 9:18 am
Yes, I use a good conditioner and it does help a lot.
I wonder how people with really curly hair manage. Maybe they just find time...
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 20 2018, 9:22 am
I would tell her we're continuing as planned with a proper haircut since summer is here. I would discuss a realistic age that she can really do her hair properly herself without it looking messy and tell her she can grow it out at x age. (We did age 10 because I felt frequent haircuts would do her good up until that point.)
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Wed, Jun 20 2018, 9:35 am
if curly thick maybe best to leave it in a braid then
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amother
Red


 

Post Wed, Jun 20 2018, 2:38 pm
Tread carefully on this one. I think your daughter feels VERY strongly about this, and I if you force her to get a haircut, she might resent you in a very bitter way. In my opinion, your relationship with your daughter is more important than whether her hair is dirty, ragged or etc. I've been in your case, and to prevent traumatizing my daughter or damaging our relationship, I let her get her way on this one. She appreciates it, and I find giving in once in a while (when it's not a question of safety, morality or halacha) makes her want to cooperate with us. The more we fight our kids on what matters to them, the more they push back. In other words pick and choose your battles. Perhaps you accept your daughter's suggestion to cut an inch and leave it at that. I would not stipulate conditions, as your daughter seems quite strong willed, and that might make her even more determined on this matter.

Several posters brought up lice. Actually lice-infested hair can be fixed quite easily and naturally. The chemical shampoos aren't completely effective and contain toxins too that I don't feel comfortable using if it can be avoided. What I learned is that lice and their eggs die under heat, so a simple blow drier blown on the hair for 10 minutes of so daily gets rid of lice and eggs. Raw coconut oil kills adult lice, so nightly coconut oil masks liberally applied to hair for a few hours or overnight get rid of adult and larvae lice too. Also a drop of tea tree oil in shampoo or conditioner repels lice.

When some my children had a bad case of lice I used coconut oil with a drop of tea tree oil liberally applied on their hair for a few hours, blow dried their hair for about 10 minutes (focusing on the roots where the eggs lie). Following that I washed out the coconut oil with regular shampoo. After a week of this little routine, all lice were gone and the eggs dead. Plus their hair all looked gorgeous from all the coconut oil, and brushed out so easily:) And Baruch Hashem they haven't had lice since b"ah. This was much, much easier than trying to comb out every single egg and healthier than lice shampoos. I am still astounded by how well the heat of a blow drier, coconut oil and tea tree oil obliterated every lice and lice egg on their hair within only a few days (to be safe we kept this routine up for a week).
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