Dh blames me for dd's low mark

ora_43

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 12:02 am

It's not fair to blame you. I can't think of a realistic way to avoid this situation - were you supposed to never turn your head away from the pill? Certainly, once she claimed to have taken it, you had to choice but to believe her - forcing her to take a (second) pill in front of you at that point would have been dangerous. For all you knew, you'd have been giving her a double dose.

If you're to blame for her choosing to lie, then your dh is to blame for you choosing not to keep your eyes on the pill at all times.

ora_43

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 12:12 am

Also, she's 11. She's old enough to start having a say in whether she wants to take the pill or not (I assume you mean ADD meds).

It could be she's right about not taking it. Meaning - it could be this pill doesn't work for her. The side effects can be bad, but she should be getting benefit from it, too. If she's not seeing any good effects, or if the bad effects are causing serious suffering, the answer is a new pill, not getting better at forcing her to take one that's not working for her.

Even if she's wrong - even if taking this is the best medication for her, and it makes a night-and-day difference in her learning - at this age it's really, really worthwhile to invest the time in getting her buy-in. It's best to get a kid's buy-in at any age, of course - but a pre-teen especially, since she's going to be choosing for herself in a fairly short time. You don't want her to see ADD meds as something terrible that she's being coerced into taking. That's going to be very upsetting for her, and bad for her ADD management in the long run.

I'm sorry for the unasked-for advice. But reading this scenario, my first thought was that the question of "who is to blame for the child not taking her pill" is the wrong question. "Why doesn't she want to take the pill, and how can we deal with that" is a much better question. It's not just that your husband shouldn't be blaming you. Nobody should be blaming anyone.

ora_43

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 12:17 am

As for the math test:

First of all, your dd needs to be given a chance to say, honestly, what math level she wants to be in. With no judgment.

If she wants to be in the higher level, explain the situation to the teacher and see if she can retest. The school wants kids to be in the level that's right for them. Or any decent school would, anyway. If she can retest - great. If she can't - it's too bad, but it's a good life lesson for her. And she can always learn the "extra" material on her own and try to test into the higher level next year.

If your dd doesn't want to be on the higher level, accept that.