Shoot, I'm an embarrassing mom!

amother

Papaya

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 10:30 am

We've finally got there. My 7 year old son wants to go to camp without being walked in. He doesn't want me to bring his crazy hat in to camp because he purposely forgot it in the care because he felt insecure. He doesn't want goodbye kisses and was embarrassed when I reprimanded someone else's young child for riding his bike in the middle of the road. He was annoyed when I reminded him that if camp doesn't work out or feel safe we will find a better option. It's hard to get more than three words out of him about how his day was.
Its so hard to let go, relax, and let him manage.
The first day I walked him in. He didn't know any other kids there and it was a very overwhelming atmosphere (its a huge camp). He looked miserable, standing on the side. He was embarrassed when I whispered to him do you want me to stay or go? I left after 40 minutes when his friend showed up.
I have a lot of baggage. We have had some horrible experiences with child abuse/negligence with past caretakers. I am very anxious every time I send my child somewhere new.
But the pulling away is so hard.
I know what I have to do: do my research and worrying behind closed doors and put on a brave calm face for my son. Go to therapy for my own anxiety and not pass it on to my son. Not to coddle him. But it is excruciating.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 11:11 am

It sounds like you've answered your own questions.

I know it's hard for you, but you need to listen to what your son is telling you. His budding confidence is more important than you not feeling triggered.

I understand that you've been through some traumatic times, but your son feels like his growth is being stifled. He needs to be free enough to make a few mistakes, be a bit lonely, and to find his own footing. Otherwise he'll never realize how strong and capable he really is.

Parenting is super painful. In some ways it can feel like ripping off a band-aid every single day, over and over again. Hang on to the good parts, and keep working on your therapy for the parts that are hard.

You can do this. I know you can.

erm

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 11:15 am

Welcome to motherhood! Most kids are embarrassed by their parents especially as they get older. It doesn't meant they don't love you. Remember how you felt growing up. We all think we won't turn into those parents.... some how we usually do. My teenage daughter was mortified that I told the counsellors of 2 year olds to get sticker name tags for the kids after the counsellor asked my son's name for the second time. Rolling Eyes

SixOfWands

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 11:32 am

Miri7 wrote:

Sounds like your son is doing really well! It’s so good that he’s ready to navigate those scary, uncomfortable moments in a new space in a new program on his own! Shows a lot of emotional maturity.

This.

Your son sounds awesome. His ability to navigate these situations and strike out on his own, at this young age, show how well you're raising him, to be able to do things on his own while he clearly knows that you have his back.

Its not easy as a parent to see this kind of independence. But it really is a tribute to you.

amother

Coral

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 2:33 pm

amother wrote:

Don’t grill him with questions about his day.
Just be there to REALLY listen every time he says something small and he’ll open up more and more over time.

This reminds of my DS age 7 almost 8. When he walks in the door I always say " Hi, how was your day?". If he says good, that's all and runs off to play. It's when he answers "bad", I know he wants me to grill him. Kids are funny. It's all part of growing up.