If your mom had full time cleaning help...

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 8:46 pm

I always wonder if I'm "Messing" up my kids bc I don't have cleaning help at all. Our finances are tight and I enjoy cleaning (somewhat).
I do get resentful and spend most of my day cleaning ...
My mom had limited cleaning help and I have fond memories of her being busy cleaning Smile

I often wonder if I'm making a bad decision of not having cleaning help. Perhaps I would be more relaxed and spend more time with my kids.

I'd like to know from those who grew up in homes with full time help, if you felt it positively affected your life? And how?
And also if it affected you negatively (like it caused you to be spoiled)?

pesek zman

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 8:52 pm

I'm not your target responder. My mom had very limited cleaning help (once every 2 weeks) and I have none. But I don't feel I was impacted at all (negatively certainly not) by it. And I certainly don't remember my mom spending all of her time cleaning. If anything it taught me to be strong, self reliant, NOT spoiled.

tichellady

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 9:05 pm

We had full time cleaning help in my house and I think it was necessary given my mom’s personality. She is very clean and neat and had a number of kids, none of whom are clean and neat. I think she would have gone crazy if she didn’t have cleaning help. But not sure if that applies to you

hodeez

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 9:25 pm

Are you kidding I think it's a great idea Hing that you don't have cleaning help. This allows the kids to bed wch have their own chores and responsibilities that can prepare them for adulthood. I don't have any cleaning help but we manage BH. My two year old throws out the baby's diapers and my 3 year old helps with the laundry! Sometimes it's a bit difficult but overall BH it can be quite enjoyable to work the kids into the cleaning schedule.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 9:42 pm

It's not about the cleaning help, it's about having expectations (or not) of your kids regardless of how much help you have. Yes, my parents had full time help and I never had to lift a finger and this has greatly crippled me in adulthood and I rely on full time cleaning help to function. But where I grew up, most people had full time cleaning help and not everyone ended up like me. The ones whose parents didn't give them chores did, but those whose parents did give them chores learned what they needed to just fine. I am doing differently with my kids. Yes, someone comes in every day, but there are still things I make them do just for the sake of doing it. Sundays are particularly helpful here as nobody comes then and the house is messy from Shabbos. Also, I am strict about them not making too much mess in the first place. I am adamant that we don't leave our stuff around for someone else to pick up. I am clear with them that the purpose of cleaning help is to help me with a job that I need help with, not to absolve us all from having to clean up after ourselves.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 10:18 pm

My mother had lots of household help, and it was an absolute necessity. She worked full time and didn't have the energy for anything at all once she got home from work. Like, anything. It would have been a disaster otherwise. There was still plenty to do at night and on the weekends, and we were all expected to help. Setting the table, clearing off, doing dishes, grocery shopping and unpacking, preparing food, cleanup after shabbos. We're all very independent and capable today, so I don't think we lost out on any skills because of the cleaning help.

amother

Jetblack

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 10:22 pm

My mother had cleaning help. My siblings and I had no chores to do. Whhen I got marries I didnt know how to clean a thing and cleaning is still hard for me. If you do take more help make sure each kid has a job to do in the house!! and even if not, maybe ur kids can pitch in some more.

amother

Papaya

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 10:29 pm

My mother had no cleaning help and neither do I. I would not feel comfortable having a stranger amongst my things. Perhaps this is due to my personality or perhaps due to the fact that it is a foreign concept to me. I would only have cleaning help if I were in dire straights, which thankfully has never happened.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Jun 27 2018, 10:42 pm

My mother did not have cleaning help.

But I wish she had, even though she did manage without it.

Because I'm not superwoman like she is (raised 10+ kids KA"H in a relatively small house, worked full day, made Shabbos for 30+ guests every week, etc.) and I do need cleaning help. And it took me a LONG time to learn how to handle having someone in my space (I'm still not really comfortable) and I felt really awkward telling her what to do.

Although it is good chinuch to teach your children to be responsible for their own messes, it is also good chinuch to model how to hire, instruct, and treat household help.

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Jun 28 2018, 12:11 am

My mother did not work when I was growing up but she is not a neat person and had a bunch of kids and my house was very messy. She definitely could have used cleaning help. We had from time to time but it was never enough

agreer

Thu, Jun 28 2018, 12:40 am

My mom had FT cleaning live-in help. She was great. Mom worked FT so we needed her.

However, I have been married 10 years and still don't make my bed, put away my clothes at night, or clean up the playroom as often as I should. I don't know if that's because I am inherently messy/lazy or if I just got used to not doing things because the help would do it for me.

You do what works for you. You can totally bond with your kids while doing laundry or cleaning together!

amother

Apricot

Thu, Jun 28 2018, 2:25 am

We never had regular cleaning help. I do remember having cleaning woman some years but it wasn't a regular thing. I was raised by a working, single mom. I guess when she had some spare $ she would have someone come and do the deep cleaning. But we always pitched in a lot and we all had chores. When I moved into my own apartment, I could clean like a pro.
I plan to teach my children how to clean everything --dishes, floors, toilets. IMO, having a full time housekeeper is crippling your children.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Jun 28 2018, 2:38 am

I grew up with full time household help, it was much more than just cleaning.
We had a full time housekeeper.
I didn't grow up spoiled because I am a doer by personality and because I am the oldest and I was busy raising many many younger siblings (I was affected by that, But thats a different thread...)
My younger siblings are growing up very very self engrossed, They don't have a clue what it means to run a home.
When shabbos is over, they just klutz on the couch- the housekeeper will anyways come tomorrow.
Some of my sisters like coming to help the married siblings- There, they do get a sense of normalcy,
But the ones that don't come, don't have a clue.
But on the other hand, I don't think it would be fair to force my mom to let go of her lifeline.

I will add that my family situation in general is complex.

amother

Lime

Thu, Jun 28 2018, 8:15 am

Every person knows themselves. But I'll bet if ud try having 10 hours of help a week ud have ur answer. I have 18 and work part time. For me it's the best investment...no doubt therapy for all my kids would be much more costly!!

pesek zman

Thu, Jun 28 2018, 8:39 am

amother wrote:

Maybe so for you, but those who can't afford cleaning help or choose not to prioritize spending on it also tend to make do with a less perfect looking home. We also tend to be creative with how and when we clean (Saturday night laundry party!)

Plus if my kid needs therapy BH we have insurance coverage for that (though personally I've never understood connection between cleaning help and therapy)