Getting a teen to go to sleep

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

1 2 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

dbw

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 9:59 am

Any tips to get my 14 year old boy to go to sleep earlier. He does come home late after 9pm from yeshiva so he needs time to unwind but 1am is too late to go to sleep. Any suggestions what to do?

amother

Lilac

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 10:14 am

If he is on the computer than make the wifi go off at a certain time, like say 11

alef12

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 10:17 am

If you figure it out then you'll make millions LOL

Signed,
Mom of two teen girls who are up until who knows when Wink

Ruchel

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 10:18 am

Short answer, you can cut off internet but you can't make them go to sleep. Even much younger, a kid may read under the covers or whatever. Let them take responsibility though

LovesHashem

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 10:18 am

Why do you need to monitor his sleep?
Why does he need a bedtime? He's 14 already, it's about time he learned to monitor his own sleep, no?

amother

Bronze

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 10:26 am

He's half an adult, let him take care of bedtime himself. Hopefully he'll learn that if he's exhausted in the morning, he'll need to go to bed earlier. What is he doing till 1 am?

Kiwi13

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 10:36 am

Another vote for letting him manage it himself. By all means if you can take away incentives to stay up irresponsibly late, go for it, but nothing too crazy. Not sure how I feel about shutting off WiFi past a certain time. He’s 14 and will find ways around that if he wants to, plus it shows lack of trust in his ability to figure out a sleep schedule that works for him. My best advice would be to enforce getting to school on time, being tired isn’t an excuse. If he’s like most teens, he will probably still continue to stay up late. Then your goal is to keep YOURSELF sane. ;-)

Teenagers are programmed to stay up late and sleep late. It’s a real thing. This isn’t likely to be a lifelong pattern. Especially not once adult responsibilities kick in.

ShishKabob

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 12:03 pm

Sleep is very very important for teenagers. Unless he sleeps late it's very unhealthy to go on so little sleep. It affects everything, from physical to mental to emotional. I disagree with letting them make their own arrangements. There should be some kind of discussion with him. Tell him your expectations of what time you want to have him in bed and sleeping. Then let him tell you what he finds reasonable.
See if can come up with some kind of reasonable compromise.
Good luck!

LovesHashem

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 12:07 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

I agree. That's why he should learn to be in tune to his body.
If he has rules he will just want to rebel, let him figure it out himself. That's what me and all my siblings did. No one ever woke us up in the morning or told when to go to bed.

We felt responsible for our sleep, schedules, and body.

dbw

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 12:08 pm

So what is a reasonable time for a 14 year old boy to go to sleep if he has to be up at 7am?

And no, you can't let this become a pattern or leave the kid to his own devices because I know someone who never grew out of it even when he was faced with adult responsibilities.

ShishKabob

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 12:11 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

I agree with your point. It makes sense. However, I've seen too many crazy things occur when a teenager doesn't get enough sleep so I'm a little paranoid about this. Many teens will not own up to the responsibility thing, and then it kind of spirals out of control.

ShishKabob

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 12:12 pm

dbw wrote:

I would say no later than 11:30
I find that they don't want to miss out on anything that's going on. That's why I try to go to sleep early so that that part of the equation is not there.

Last edited by ShishKabob on Wed, Jul 04 2018, 12:13 pm; edited 1 time in total

thunderstorm

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 12:12 pm

My DSs at age 14 got home at 10 and were usually asleep by 11:00 and woke themselves up with their alarm at 6:30 the next day. I am usually sleeping before my teen boys even get home. It's their responsibility to get to bed on time. During bein hazmanim they go to sleep late and wake up late

LovesHashem

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 12:29 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

I still disagree. In the beginning yes, and you start doing this from 14.
14 year olds don't do such insane things in comparison to 15, 16, 17. By that time he/she will be used to this responsibility.

By the time I hit 11th grade I was going to be at 11 every night. Me and my friends spent 9th and 10th grade going to be at 1, 2 ,3 AM, sometimes on the phone until 5 am.

When will he learn to be in tune to his own body? When's he 17? 19? 25?

amother

Denim

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 12:31 pm

When we where teens, my mom went to sleep & we went to bed whenever we pleased. We where not allowed to leave the house though.

ShishKabob

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 12:33 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

Do you think this applies to both girls and boys equally? from the physical/mental make up part?

LovesHashem

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 12:47 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

Do you think this applies to both girls and boys equally? from the physical/mental make up part?

Basically. My family has both.

keym

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 1:57 pm

I was raised and I plan to do the same with the following:
In the house by 10
In bedroom by 11.
No disturbing anyone else's sleep.
No incoming calls on house phone after 11. Yes/no cell phones depend on school rules.
Must make it to bus/carpool/minyan/school on time. If they miss their regular ride, they are responsible for paying their own uber.
Excessivel lateness/ school complaints result in loss of screentime, mall visits, hanging out with friends etc.
In other words their actual sleep is their own business but they may not disturb the house or let it affect their school performance.

cozyblanket

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 2:08 pm

The thread title made me LOL.
You can't make a teen do almost anything.

I think you should give loving guidance like keym said... A time to be home, a time to be in his room, a time to turn over his phone if he has one, no disturbing others.... The rest is up to him. Discuss health, sleep, etc and impart the guidelines above with love and warmth. Then give him space to figure out how to get in bed.

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Jul 04 2018, 2:47 pm

cozyblanket wrote:

You contradict yourself. You say you can't make a teen do anything, and then you say give him a time to hand over his phone etc...
I have raised several teens and I think that a lot of it is cultural. In general though, in western culture today you really can't MAKE a teen do anything. You can't even force him to turn over his phone or go to his room.
You can of course insist on no disturbing others. But raising teens in Israel, it would have been ridiculous for me to insist they are home by ten every night - much of the social life happens after that.
Most normative teens get it sooner or later that they should be in bed at a normal hour if they want to function the next day. They might stay out late a night or two a week, or stay up late at home, but they are not likely to do it every day.
The problem is those that don't 'get it'. There is not much you can do, except explain and discuss again and again and hope for the best. Forcing a teen to do anything usually doesn't accomplish a thing.

Page 1 of 2

1 2 Next