Husbands cleaning “help”

amother

Blush

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 5:12 am

Ruchel wrote:

I wouldn't accept "for me".

But, did we all know how to do before being taught?

This.
I don't get the attitude of 'dh cleaned the toilet for me' (I think this is a pretty direct quote from the op).
Even if you are a SAHM, and your kids are all at school and you have more time, and you are the one generally responsible for the toilets - even so, your dh and your joint children still use that toilet! It isn't supposed to be some alien job that he does as a favor to you, just like putting his socks in the hamper or his sink in the plate shouldn't be something he does 'for you'. It's part of being a member of the household.

amother

Blush

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 5:41 am

amother wrote:

I just do not get why it is funny that grown men are acting stupid.
Maybe it is harder for them to braid a little girls hair as they never did it for thremselves. But otherwise....cleaning toilets and making food. Any adult can do it. Male or Female.

Absolutely. And no one taught me to clean toilets or make food. My job as a child and teen was just to get good grades and earn some money on the side.
I learned all the household stuff as a young married, as did my dh. It doesn't take extensive training to learn how to clean a toilet or do basic cooking. It also isn't something that is essentially 'female' in nature. Disinfecting a toilet? Believe me, there is nothing in my nature that makes me more suitable than a man for the job.
And cooking? Just look at all the chefs out there. A man who wants to cook or needs to cook will learn to cook. Of course if his wife doesn't expect him to do anything (not even put away the eggs after using them!) then there isn't much of a motivation for him to learn.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 6:01 am

I also dont get this thread. Why do you ladies think it is funny that your husbands cant do household things?
First off, why would you post this for others to see? I find this completely awful, such disrespect for your spouse, if I am being completely honest.
And secondly, the fact that you all find these things "help" is a whole other story that is completely wrong as well.

And thank you previous amothers for saying what I wanted to but you got there first.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 6:31 am

amother wrote:

I disagree, I think that most women (granted, not all) are born with the innate ability to pick up skills in cooking and cleaning that most men (again, not all) will take much longer to learn.

I used to think that all men were capable of cooking and cleaning if they'd just try hard enough. But after watching my husband struggle with so many things I realized it's just not true. He's a smart, capable, talented and devoted husband but washing dishes is just not his thing. I've learned to celebrate the things he has (with MUCH effort) learned to do and accept those that he can't. No he can't wash dishes, dress a salad, fold shirts neatly, but he can sweep, change diapers, set the table...

As much as I think men need to put in an effort to learn household chores, I think we need to understand that it's really not easy for many of them and that's not an indication of them not trying hard enough or being an incompetent husband or father.

amother

Blush

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 7:01 am

amother wrote:

I am not one to say that there are no innate differences between male and female. But I think we use it too often to give men a break, and men are too eager to take us up on it.

Sorry, but cleaning a toilet is no more 'female' than cleaning a car is 'male'. Most men can manage to wash their own car.

Washing dishes likewise is not something that requires feminine skills. We aren't talking about patchke in the kitchen right now, or setting a beautiful table, or decorating a cake. We are talking about simple, manual jobs. Any teenager that gets hired at a restaurant can wash dishes.

Your dh may have trouble with these things for any number of reasons. But most men I know in my circles manage just fine in this day and age to iron their own shirts or wash the dishes, even if they don't have an affinity for the finer household stuff like interior decor.

Aylat

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 7:30 am

Really disagree with the man/woman stereotypes here. In my house it's the opposite; unfortunately my DH works extremely long hours so the main responsibility of running the household falls on me, and I'm not great at it.

I like to think I'm decent at parenting though, and as another rebuttal of the 'men can't clean toilets' joke, I will tell you that my 10 yo and 8 yo sons regularly choose cleaning the bathroom as their erev Shabbos chore and do a shining job Smile

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 7:40 am

Aylat wrote:

Nobody suggested "men can't clean toilets" the poster above stated that she believed there are certain jobs and tasks that woman are inherently better than men at, and other jobs and tasks that men are better at. My husband (who is amazing) still can't get a supermarket list right. He will inevitably forget something or get zucchini instead of cucumbers and tell me, well, zucchini sure looks like cucumbers. Or the time I asked him to buy a third of a pound of corned beef and he bought 3 pounds instead. He showed me the list I wrote and I agreed that it wasn't completely clear whether it said 3 pounds or a third of a pound. Either way it didn't dawn on him that on a regular shabbos our family doesn't need 3 pounds of corned beef.

amother

Wheat

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 8:25 am

In my house dh does aost all the cleaning and I do almost all of the cooking but we overlap sometimes. Like dh will throw frozen pizza in the oven or make a BBQ or can scramble eggs and I will sometimes wash dishes or fold laundry. I think it's also how you grew up. My dh grew up helping all the time and is fast at it and doesn't complain about doing it usually. I did not have any cleaning help right now although I can afford it bh. Dh got nervous from all the ones I had so he said he will take over all cleaning and he did.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 8:32 am

For the sake of efficiency, dh and I divided up household tasks and were each responsible for different things. That doesn’t mean the other isn’t capable of doing another job once in a while, but the first time it happens- yes, we do it wrong due to lack of knowledge and experience. If I tried paying bills - I’m sure dh would have a good laugh too! (I remember My mother used to pay some credit card bills twice and gave tzedakah to any organization with a Jewish sounding name when she started taking over paperwork) Also, for many SAHM, cleaning and housework is their responsibility, and making money is DH’s. why are people so perturbed at this setup?
Now some stories:
-I very recently found out that your supposed to add water to the iron. I always thought it was optional for spraying.
- dh thought it was ok to load bottom rack of dishwasher with dirty dishes, even though the top was filled with clean stuff.

amother

White

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 8:55 am

I think some of you are overthinking this. OP put this under entertainment and if there was a thread on Imabba about women messing up any kind of menial labor I would take it in stride and allow myself to laugh. that's not saying no woman can change a light bulb or even use a drill correctly but there'll be stories galore of mishaps and the ones where the woman is the culprit would make for an entertainment thread.

another point, it clearly states that in Pharoah in Mitzrayim mixed up the women's and men's role and that was the biggest curse of all. it made the shibud that much harder. I'll leave it at that.

amother

Wine

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 9:11 am

amother wrote:

Do you never forget things? If you were trying to fill a shopping list written by someone else, how well would you do?

My husband used to ask me for detailed shopping lists and go crazy trying to find the exact item (sometimes going to three different stores). Now I tell him to just use his own judgment. Sometimes he'll call me and say, "They don't have X, can I get Z instead?" I call that progress!

Of course if you always treat your husband as a big dope who can't get anything right, he probably will never learn.

abaker

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 9:13 pm

bh my husband cleans toilets, vacuums, and scrubs floors way better than I do! I am very picky about the dishes and counters being cleaned very well and do the daily organizing and upkeep generally. it's important that all members of the household can clean up after themselves even if you are lucky enough to have cleaning help. I'm sure we all have cute stories though of kitchen or household mishaps that we can laugh at though, a cup of salt instead of a cup of sugar in that batch of cookies? ew! Puke

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 10:14 pm

amother wrote:

Of course I forget things and make mistakes. But as the op is pointing out, woman often just better at certain tasks than men. The opposite is also true. My husband (and I'll say it again, who is awesome) is a lousy food shopper. He constantly makes mistakes. A grown man confused zucchini with a cucumber? I can detail several other comical mistakes he makes when food shopping. It doesn't mean, as you seem to be suggesting, that I claim to never make mistakes. It means that when it comes to food shopping, I do a better job than him and I suspect most wives are in a similar position.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 10:33 pm

This thread is so strange to me. Most people become good at things with practice, whether they're male or female. I remember confusing cucumbers and zucchini as a teen. I wasn't dumb, just inexperienced. Almost everything I've done has involved "mess ups" in the early stages when I didn't have as much experience. Same with my husband, I'm sure. It's in such poor taste to mock anyone for the innocent mistakes that we all make when we don't have enough experience in the given area.

kenz

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 10:58 pm

amother wrote:

And I'm finding these reactions SO strange. I chuckled at the OP's first post and thought it would be a fun thread to read, and one to which I could totally relate. My husband and my kids still mix up zucchini and cucumber when shopping, and even when getting them out of the fridge, even though we use both quite often. It's just a cute thing that happens when people aren't necessarily paying that much attention. Shopping for groceries just isn't that important to many men, so they'll naturally make some funny errors. No one is saying the men are dumb or incapable; and the OP didn't start this to make fun of her husband. It's just funny. When my husband does the shopping I know that invariably he'll come home with some funny items, and we'll both chuckle over it when I tell him what he was supposed to get.
Lighten up, guys.

nursemomma

Sun, Jul 08 2018, 11:25 pm

amother wrote:

another point, it clearly states that in Pharoah in Mitzrayim mixed up the women's and men's role and that was the biggest curse of all. it made the shibud that much harder. I'll leave it at that.

This opinion may be very unpopular today, probably due to feminism. I do think men should share the responsibility of the home with women, but splitting it and making it "even" is a modern phenomenon. If it works for you and your husband, pls go for it! But if a man doesn't take as much responsibility at home, that doesn't make him a jerk either.