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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers
DS is hitting me



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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2018, 5:36 am
DS is 2, and recently started hitting me, especially when he's bored (not tired).

For me, this is a HUGE red line. It bothers me personally to be hit, and I'm also worried that he'll continue this behaviour as he gets older.

How do I stop this? Be very harsh with him? Ignore the behaviour so it doesnt get a reaction? Gently explain the best way to use our hands?
(Corporal punishment is not used in our home.)

Looking for tips.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2018, 6:07 am
Give him something else to hit eg a big exercise ball or a drum

Tell him when we want mommy to play with us we say.....
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2018, 6:29 am
Hold is hand that he hit you with and say "no hitting mommy". Count to 10 and "give" him his hand back. Rinse and repeat until it gets annoying for him not to have his hand. consistency is key.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2018, 6:56 am
Smart kiddo. Only two, you say?

What happens when he hits? I'm guessing he gets a huge negative reaction.

Here's a more involved method than Simba's, which is also good.

You have done some great detective work to note that this happens when he is bored. A huge negative reaction is a wonderful amount of parental attention. Ding ding DING! He may be literally hitting the jackpot. (Haha, see what I did there?)

First, review the rules. In my home, our house rule is, "no hurting people, no hurting things." Do you have something similar he can understand? How about, "the rule in our family is, we never hit."? It helps to also provide direction to teshuvah. Something like, "when you forget, you need to say sorry and use gentle hands."

Are there any times of day he is more likely to be bored? Lets assume it's while you're making supper.
Try offering him an engaging activity, plus the promise of ten minutes of your undivided attention if he can follow the rules. Then, be sure you give him those ten minutes. Use a timer. No phone, no screens, nothing else barring an emergency. Your total, enthusiastic (use as much exciting positive energy as you would have used negative energy and focus before, when he would hit) attention.

If you do it right, being around you becomes like being in a lighted room. Or one where the promise of dawn is right there.

Then, if he hits, you turn away and withdraw all attention. Like turning off the switch. Don't react in any other way. No gasp, no stare. Calmly say, "oh, you hit", and turn your attention elsewhere. Wait for his apology, you can remind him after 2 minutes if necessary. The minute he does so, give him your full positive attention, immediately. "I'm so glad you are using gentle hands now, I'm so proud of you! If you're bored, would you like to play with blocks?"

Hope this helps!
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2018, 7:04 am
Imasinger, LOL.

Thanks everyone for your great responses!
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2018, 7:04 am
Rule number one in discipline is "No Talking, No Emotion"
A firm "you may not hit mommy" at his level with full eye contact often works.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 13 2018, 4:18 am
My kids do it and outgrow it. I never really had a solution. My MIL hits and it does work. But I don't.
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 13 2018, 6:44 am
Adding to imasinger. With hand over hand demonstrate how to pat and other ok gestures to do with hands. Together with toddler do more things with hands, like clapping, playing pat-a-cake, helping mommy with chores. Chores toddlers can do are clear some things of the table, floor grocery order, etc. Reward him/her for it with hugs,smiles, kisses and nice words. When you work in the kitchen (or anywhere else), have toddler near you and explain what you are doing. Toddler can help you, not that you need the help, just to teach what can be done with hands and to have a positive bond between the two of you.
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