DS’s day camp making me get him a shadow

bigsis144

Thu, Jul 12 2018, 9:24 pm

My 5.5 year old son is a bright and friendly child with some social/emotional/behavioral delays. He is impulsive and has trouble following instructions or participating in group activities. He sees an OT weekly and has seen a family social worker in the past as well. No other special diagnoses.

BH he had an excellent nursery Morah who worked a lot with him and me.

Now he’s in day camp in the same location, but the summer staff is different, and by day 3 of camp, the camp director called me to say he basically can’t attend camp unless we get a full time shadow for him.

Quote:

[Your child] continues to have a hard time with transitioning and following a group. I do need you to work on finding a capable shadow in order for him to remain in camp. Right now one of the counselors in his bunk has been acting as a shadow when [child] refuses to participate appropriately. [Child] does have friends in the room and usually plays well with them during free play. The challenge is making sure he is safe throughout the camp.

He does things like try to dash out the door when he’s changed for swimming but everyone else isn’t ready yet, or bolt across the carpool lot no matter how many times the counselor tries to grab his hand.

This isn’t a backyard camp, I specifically chose one in a familiar place to him with Morahs who are preschool teachers during the year, not just high school kids.

I’m at a loss as to what to do - a shadow will practically double the cost of camp (I work and he has to be supervised somehow)!

Advice?????

Last edited by bigsis144 on Thu, Jul 12 2018, 9:29 pm; edited 1 time in total

imasinger

Thu, Jul 12 2018, 9:40 pm

You might want to put him in a different camp program. If he goes to a special needs camp for high functioning kids, there may be a way to get funding for it, and it might be cheaper than this camp plus shadow, as well as a happier summer for him.

You had him properly tested? Neuropsych?

bigsis144

Thu, Jul 12 2018, 9:43 pm

Simple1 wrote:

Oy! that's hard. Would hiring a young girl, maybe 12 or older work? That wouldn't have to cost a lot.

I’m relatively new in town, and I mostly know people with younger kids, not junior high/high school girls.

I specifically told the camp director I’d be happy to make calls myself if she gave me a list of names, but she hasn’t provided me with any and says this is my responsibility.

I am too new at my job (3 weeks!) to feel comfortable asking for any financial bonus or assistance 😕

I even looked into a one-on-one babysitter, but the one person I know and trust and that my son knows and likes doesn’t have a consistent enough schedule to work with my work needs.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Jul 12 2018, 9:45 pm

I'm sorry you have to deal with this Sad

Sometimes a child has the skill set to manage in one environment and not in another, even if they're very similar. There are challenges unique to the camp setting, and it sounds like his skill set is not a match for the setting. Even with a great morah, sometimes the program is beyond the child's capabilities.

1. Can you afford a shadow, if you want to keep him in this camp?

2. Is there another camp that would be a better fit for him?

3. Is there a city-subsidized camp that is inclusive of children with various needs in your area?

amother

Coral

Thu, Jul 12 2018, 9:49 pm

He should either switch to a different camp or hire a young girl to look after him. What will his classroom setting be like when school starts? How will he be able to follow rules? A shadow might sound like a fortune but it wouldn’t be as expensive if you hire a young girl.
You need a plan of action for the future. Does he have a diagnosis you can work with? What happened this past school year??? Was he able to conform and follow rules?

amother

Orchid

Thu, Jul 12 2018, 9:51 pm

If he has a relevant diagnosis, you can work with an agency (where the OT is?) to try to get funding for this. Sometimes our local JFS has grant money they use for this. You can also find out if the camp has any floaters who could be moved over for this job as a trial to see if it works- you would take over the salary, whic likely is way less than full shadow pay. As far as the kids are concerned (including your kid), it's just an extra counselor in their bunk.

We have gone the adult shadow route, the teen shadow route, and the floater route, and have been fine with all three. We have also done the special needs program, but you need the right one, for it to be commutable, and for it to have an opening.

bigsis144

Thu, Jul 12 2018, 9:55 pm

imasinger wrote:

I had him evaluated by the county school district (their panel had a speech therapist, OT, PT, child psychologist, and vision/hearing screening). He wasn’t low enough in any one area to qualify for much - he got an IEP for “25% social/behavioral delay”. He will be attending public school kindergarten in the fall (the frum schools in our OOT community do not have adequate resources) but they are putting him in a regular classroom with one hour per day of special ed services.

What type of special needs camp? My sister’s have worked at Etta Israel, Friendship Circle and Mishkon and my son doesn’t seem to need that level of support... we don’t live in a big city like Brooklyn...

Last edited by bigsis144 on Thu, Jul 12 2018, 9:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

supermamma

Thu, Jul 12 2018, 9:55 pm

A younger girl should be able to keep him safe. Counselors & JCs get paid as low as $125 a month depending on age, experience, location etc. Perhaps if u put an ad saying Day camp looking for JC /Shadow & there is still a teenager around with no summer plans, you can find someone fairly inexpensive. You can also try to switch to a different daycamp but there are no guarantees you won’t have the same problem plus you will have to transition him to a new setting... Hatzlocha & Hugs

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Jul 12 2018, 9:56 pm

maybe try looking into another day camp. Don't tell this one but try another day camp out for a week and see how it goes. He may even be a not as comfortable at first so he will not be as seating. Make sure the morah is firm with her rules. But understanding and patient with him. I would also not tell the second place where he was until now it's camp not a school u could have come back from vacation or tried a mommy day camp that didn't work out.

amother

Orange

Fri, Jul 13 2018, 5:56 am

Unfortunately for these type of kids, part of the cost of camp is the shadow. Camps that aren't geared towards special needs don't have the support available that schools have. So you can have a kid who attends a regular school with some support struggle with camp. And camp has much more potential safety issues than school (swim, more time outdoors, etc) so they have more liability issues to worry about. Camp plus shadow is likely still cheaper than a special camp. True for us, so that's what we do for the kid who needs it. Happens to be, he has a diagnosis so insurance covers most of the hours, which definitely helps. In school it's enough, but camp insists someone be with him the whole day, so we have to pay the rest out of pocket. It definitely sucks, but it is what it is. See if you can get any kind coverage for some of the hours. That would take some of the bite out.

imasinger

Fri, Jul 13 2018, 7:17 am

Since you have already made the tough decision to put him into public school in the fall, so he can get the services, you might want to look at putting him into a non Jewish camp that can address his needs better.

I also advise you to save your pennies and get on the waiting list now for a good neuropsych eval.

The public schools seem to walk this fine line -- they have to identify and provide services for the kids that need them, but they also need to keep costs under control. If you rely on their evaluation, they have the upper hand.

Go to a top person. Find out what could and should be done. Then, go back to the school and push for more.

It's a worthwhile investment. Even if your job provides good insurance, the costs of therapy add up fast. The more the school accepts as their responsibility, the less you pay for out of pocket.

amother

Blue

Fri, Jul 13 2018, 7:52 am

Hi OP,
I also live in a large OOT community. I don't know if it's the same one as yours but here, many parents are looking for something to do for their 11, 12, 13 year old girls. Especially as they start to come back from 3-4 weeks of camp. I've heard of young girls doing this sort of thing for very little pay because they need to be occupied and camp jobs are what's available. If you're happy with the camp an If you're comfortable posting where you are, maybe someone can help you find some families with daughters the right ages. If you're otherwise happy with the camp and your concern is only cost, it maybbot be the huge expense you're envisioning. If there are any community FB pages or newsletters you could post there.

bigsis144

Wed, Jul 18 2018, 4:38 pm

Update: after posting on
1) the community email listserv
2) the Mommy WhatsApp group for my cohort
3) asking the camp director herself for leads/recommendations
4) reaching out to the rebbetzin of my shul

I spoke to 5-6 potential candidates, but none worked out (wrong times/dates for them, just not interested in the end...).

I even asked the camp director if a part-day shadow would be better than nothing if someone didn’t have full 9am-3pm availability...

And today she said if I don’t find a shadow by the end of the week, this Friday will be my son’s last day of camp.

😞

This was supposed to be the “professional” community camp. The director straight up said “in all my years directing a preschool camp, I’ve never had such trouble keeping a child safe.”

What is that supposed to mean?!?!
I had my son’s nursery Morah call to give suggestions, as I am not the expert on my child in that particular environment...

Last edited by bigsis144 on Wed, Jul 18 2018, 6:03 pm; edited 1 time in total

QUEENY

Wed, Jul 18 2018, 5:21 pm

It really sounds like they are worried about his safety. I work in a day camp , I can see this being an issue. Day camp bunks are big, staff is not specifically trained to deal with challenging kids. DO your best to find someone or put him in a smaller camp. I cant believe the camp doesn't have extra staff on hand that can be hired as a shadow. Good luck!

amother

Gray

Wed, Jul 18 2018, 5:37 pm

I am so sorry you go through this. You sound like an amazing caring mother. I cannot advice you because I live on the other end of the world and have no clue about camps etc but I hope you willfind great advice and a solution that works for you.

im sorry I cant add any useful input, just want to mention : you are not alone. mothers go through challenging situations.