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amother




Seafoam


Post  Sat, Jul 14 2018, 10:31 pm
My elderly parents and I live in a different country than my siblings. My parents would like to leave me more than my siblings after 120. I'm sure they are allowed to. My question is since my siblings are in the will, do they have access to all the details and will therefore see that I was left more? This would possibly create a very bad feelings. I realize I should ask an attorney but I'm hoping for a quick basic answer here. Thank you.
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amother




Pewter


Post  Sat, Jul 14 2018, 10:49 pm
My husbands family and my own had relatives that left more to one sibling over another and the ensuing fights were not pretty.
So many accusations of convincing the Parents to leave more to the ones that helped parents at the lawyer.
Families that don't share each others Simchas anymore.

Why are you being left more and what percentage more?
Is it a large amount?
Is it amount that would make a big impact on you or another sibling?
All this can make a big difference

In one case, a sibling that was widowed and dirt poor was left with almost nothing and the one who got a huge amount wasn't wealthy before but managing nicely middle class. Everyone is convinced the one who inherited somehow convinced the elderly ( remaining) parent that she needed the money more.
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amother




Sapphire


Post  Sat, Jul 14 2018, 10:51 pm
I believe often everyone sees the will in order so that they can't later contest the amount you took. I just quickly googled it and it seems that often if not always it is made public.

https://www.avvo.com/legal-ans.....84466.html

Something to keep in mind- did your parents make a halachic will?- I assuming you are a female Wink and halachically the assets are left to the sons if there is any and I believe if the oldest is a boy he is supposed to get a double portion. There is a way to write a will that allows the parents to give to the girls as well but you should speak to someone knowledgeable in the area- I believe it's referred to as a halachic will. Otherwise I think there are halachic issues with you taking the money even if it says you are entitled to according to the legal will.
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amother




Maroon


Post  Sat, Jul 14 2018, 11:12 pm
Something to keep in mind- did your parents make a halachic will?- I assuming you are a female Wink and halachically the assets are left to the sons if there is any and I believe if the oldest is a boy he is supposed to get a double portion. There is a way to write a will that allows the parents to give to the girls as well but you should speak to someone knowledgeable in the area- I believe it's referred to as a halachic will. Otherwise I think there are halachic issues with you taking the money even if it says you are entitled to according to the legal will.[/quote]

This.

Everyone should be sure to have a halachic will if you want to be able to inherit from DH or if you want DDs to inherit from either or both of you. . .
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Sat, Jul 14 2018, 11:13 pm
amother wrote:
My elderly parents and I live in a different country than my siblings. My parents would like to leave me more than my siblings after 120. I'm sure they are allowed to. My question is since my siblings are in the will, do they have access to all the details and will therefore see that I was left more? This would possibly create a very bad feelings. I realize I should ask an attorney but I'm hoping for a quick basic answer here. Thank you.


You didn't even provide what country you live in...

But generally - the will isn't publicly published before death (if ever). So no. At 120 all will be revealed - and that's when things can get very messy/angry/litigious.

Do your parents have a relationship with your siblings?
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amother




Purple


Post  Sat, Jul 14 2018, 11:20 pm
In the United States, wills become public after the testator (the one making the will) dies. There are some complicated ways to avoid this, but generally, everyone named in a will sees it immediately, and then later anyone in the world who wants to see the will can look it up.

If there's a reason you are getting more than your siblings, it might be a good idea for your parents to write that reasoning into the will. Even better, they should explain to your siblings now why they are leaving you more. Any uneven distribution of assets is likely to cause major resentment. This is the last thing parents do for their children and is emotionally fraught. Think hard about whether the money is worth what it may do to your relationship with your siblings.
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Sat, Jul 14 2018, 11:51 pm
amother wrote:
In the United States, wills become public after the testator (the one making the will) dies. There are some complicated ways to avoid this, but generally, everyone named in a will sees it immediately, and then later anyone in the world who wants to see the will can look it up.

If there's a reason you are getting more than your siblings, it might be a good idea for your parents to write that reasoning into the will. Even better, they should explain to your siblings now why they are leaving you more. Any uneven distribution of assets is likely to cause major resentment. This is the last thing parents do for their children and is emotionally fraught. Think hard about whether the money is worth what it may do to your relationship with your siblings.



OP here. Thank you for for response. I live in the U.S. and I have several siblings that live in Europe and Israel. The reason my parents will leave me more is because I am closer with them than my siblings. I have taken care of them and are a part of their life. They will be moving in with me in a few months. My siblings love our parents but there is hardly a relationship. Maybe a phone call every few weeks. At any rate, would we be able to avoid the possible bitterness after 120 that might result when my siblings see that I got a bigger portion by having my parents gift me a portion of the yerusha now so that after 120 everything that's left will be divided evenly and the will would appear as if we all received the same?
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amother




Sapphire


Post  Sat, Jul 14 2018, 11:58 pm
if they are moving in with you in a few months, I think them gifting you money nowis a better idea. It is understandable that they want to show you financial appreciation for taking them in. You should probably look in to gift taxes, estate taxes... figure out the best way for them to give you the money.
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amother




Purple


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 12:01 am
amother wrote:
OP here. Thank you for for response. I live in the U.S. and I have several siblings that live in Europe and Israel. The reason my parents will leave me more is because I am closer with them than my siblings. I have taken care of them and are a part of their life. They will be moving in with me in a few months. My siblings love our parents but there is hardly a relationship. Maybe a phone call every few weeks. At any rate, would we be able to avoid the possible bitterness after 120 that might result when my siblings see that I got a bigger portion by having my parents gift me a portion of the yerusha now so that after 120 everything that's left will be divided evenly and the will would appear as if we all received the same?


That sounds like a possible solution. Your siblings will probably not know if your parents gift you money while they are still alive. They might learn about it, and only you can know how they might react.

I can see that your parents would want to leave you more in consideration of your closeness and having them live with you. Will your siblings also see things that way? Who knows?

In a perfect world, your parents would be the ones explaining to all their children how they plan to distribute their assets and why.
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Amarante









  


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 12:57 am
Each parent can gift a person $11,000 without incirring gift taxes. The amount may have changed but it’s about that.

In order to avoid resentments after death, your parents should gift you the money now so no one will be the wiser. I am assuming you have a good trusting relationship with your parents so if they theoretically may need the money while they live, you can set up a way to keep it for them without a trust.

Money distributed through an inter vivid trust will be known to your siblings ipsy it’s nit a good idea not to leave equally unless there is an objective reason like one child is disabled and therefore siblings realize there is a need to provide.

But otherwise families are really torn apart potentially if children are not given the same. It’s sad but it is a fact. To keep things friendly, any extra funds should be given now even if there is an understanding with your parents that you will not spend it until they are dead and they would no longer have any need for the funds.
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das









  


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 12:59 am
If they are moving in with you, maybe some money can be given to you now monthly in the form of "rent."
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 1:10 am
Amarante wrote:
Each parent can gift a person $11,000 without incirring gift taxes. The amount may have changed but it’s about that.


Its higher than that (15,000) but there is a also a lifetime exemption of 5.6M per person (for gifts over 15K and whatever remains in the estate). So not typically a concern. (and if it is - lots of legal and accounting advice should be considered)
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amother




Papaya


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 1:14 am
They might also be able to put a clause in the will that says anyone who challenges the will in court forfeits their share. That won't solve hurt feelings though.
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 1:21 am
amother wrote:
They might also be able to put a clause in the will that says anyone who challenges the will in court forfeits their share. That won't solve hurt feelings though.


I don't think that would work.
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amother




Papaya


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 1:25 am
amother wrote:
I don't think that would work.


It's called a "no- contest" clause and it's enforceable in some states in the US.
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 1:32 am
amother wrote:
It's called a "no- contest" clause and it's enforceable in some states in the US.


Fair point - New York being one of those states.
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