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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 5:32 pm
[quote="amother"]Where are you located if you want to say here.
I bought this car from a dealer in Rockland country.[/quot

Lakewood
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amother




Magenta


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 5:55 pm
[quote="amother"]
amother wrote:
Where are you located if you want to say here.
I bought this car from a dealer in Rockland country.[/quot

Lakewood

Look on Craig's list they have a lot of cars for sale.
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amother




Navy


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 6:05 pm
amother wrote:
I don't go out every day. He would need to take a taxi or walk 2 and a half hours to the bus station that does not come near to our house or his job. Actually the taxi passes by his job on the way to the bus station.



Okay so as far as I understood now:
You have 0 cars
The bus stops are far away
You haven't found a reasonable cheaper place
You want to stay home with your little ones (I personally think that's great!)
You do have an education
Did I get that right?

I do believe you that there's no sidewalks. So how about at least your husband buying a bike (you can honestly get one on eBay for like 40 bucks) and riding to the bus stop if the whole way is too long? My husband even takes his bike when it snows. It breaks my heart but we can't afford a car so that's life.
You say the other apartments are 50$ cheaper.. maybe you can keep on looking and you'll find one .. 50$ a month is 600 a year. Think long term. 600$ can be saved for emergency or something nice for the kids.
20$ a day is 5760$ a year on taxis only!! So... If you move somewhere where you can use public transportation (which is at least half the price if not less) you can save tons of money!
If your degree doesn't help you or you can't practice from home.. what are you good at?
You could teach yourself something... Programming, graphic design, you could learn how to sew and sell clothes online.
A friend of mine is very creative. She needed money desperately and bought a sewing machine.. she taught herself from scratch and now she sells all kinds of things. They look amazing. I am so blown away when I see the stuff... She taught herself in 6-7 months.
So don't give up.. you can learn something.
Or buy things cheap (online) and sell them more expensive. I don't know how that works with taxes but I know a lady who does that because she has no education and no way to make money otherwise.

And I know this is difficult but when you're poor you can't live like you aren't. My husband grew up like this and sometimes it's really good to sit down and write down what your spending on what and then kick out the luxuries. And I'm just telling you about the bikes because I'm so thankful we have them. Almost no maintenance cost, cheap and get us everywhere.
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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 7:18 pm
[quote="amother"]Okay so as far as I understood now:
You have 0 cars
The bus stops are far away
You haven't found a reasonable cheaper place
You want to stay home with your little ones (I personally think that's great!)
You do have an education
Did I get that right?

I do believe you that there's no sidewalks. So how about at least your husband buying a bike (you can honestly get one on eBay for like 40 bucks) and riding to the bus stop if the whole way is too long? My husband even takes his bike when it snows. It breaks my heart but we can't afford a car so that's life.
You say the other apartments are 50$ cheaper.. maybe you can keep on looking and you'll find one .. 50$ a month is 600 a year. Think long term. 600$ can be saved for emergency or something nice for the kids.
20$ a day is 5760$ a year on taxis only!! So... If you move somewhere where you can use public transportation (which is at least half the price if not less) you can save tons of money!
If your degree doesn't help you or you can't practice from home.. what are you good at?
You could teach yourself something... Programming, graphic design, you could learn how to sew and sell clothes online.
A friend of mine is very creative. She needed money desperately and bought a sewing machine.. she taught herself from scratch and now she sells all kinds of things. They look amazing. I am so blown away when I see the stuff... She taught herself in 6-7 months.
So don't give up.. you can learn something.
Or buy things cheap (online) and sell them more expensive. I don't know how that works with taxes but I know a lady who does that because she has no education and no way to make money otherwise.

And I know this is difficult but when you're poor you can't live like you aren't. My husband grew up like this and sometimes it's really good to sit down and write down what your spending on what and then kick out the luxuries. And I'm just telling you about the bikes because I'm so thankful we have them. Almost no maintenance cost, cheap and get us everywhere.[/quote

Yes you got it right.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 7:56 pm
Lily2 wrote:
It's not so much what you are doing wrong. It's what the ultra-orthodox world is doing wrong: not giving a proper secular education to our children and then expecting them to get married and have kids without a thought or a plan on how they are going to sustain themselves in this world.

You, op, are a victim of the ultra frum world and, sadly, you are not alone.
At this point, you are quite stuck. The only thing I would advise right now is going on bc and encourage your dh to get himself some kind of degree in the evenings after work....(what is he good at? what does he like to do?), so that eventually, even if it takes a few years, your family won't have to struggle any more like this.

And make sure your kids get a secular education.


Why do opinionated ppl hide behind amother?!

It’s easier to accept advice when it’s offered gently with a generous dose of empathy.[/quote]

The reason I'm anon is because both my husband and myself grew up with the frum school system so we're not professionals either. anon because I don't want to speak LH against my own parents or my ils. I believe they felt they were doing the right thing, although if you asked them now, they agree with me that a secular education would have given us more of an advantage.
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benny









  


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 8:00 pm
amother wrote:
The reason I'm anon is because both my husband and myself grew up with the frum school system so we're not professionals either. anon because I don't want to speak LH against my own parents or my ils. I believe they felt they were doing the right thing, although if you asked them now, they agree with me that a secular education would have given us more of an advantage.


Why is it not LH if you’re anon?
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 8:03 pm
Quote:
Are you serious? I GOT a secular education and have a BIG IMPORTANT JOB and my husband, a product of the ultra frum world makes triple what I make because he's a real go-getter and uber talented.

And no, we didn't family plan at all. We make quite comfortably, BH, as do many people I know.

Mazal happens. How much we make or don't is part of our life's mission. Just because someone is frum and also not rich doesn't mean the "frum" is to blame.


My dh and I are also products of the ultra frum school system and yet we both bh manage quite well with parnasa. I still believe we do not represent the majority. And neither do you.

Yes of course Mazal happens, yet you wouldn't drive a car without getting a driver's license first.
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 8:18 pm
amother wrote:
We like our "simple" lifestyle. We really do. But for example the other day I forgot to buy dish soap and the closest store sales them at twice the regular price! It's sad we can't get in our car or take the kids to the park! Every single time we need to go out to buy shoes or clothes for the baby needs to be carefully planned! I'm saving as much as I can, trying to look for a job but what's the point if every cent is going to childcare. My baby is small, still nursing and breaks my heart to leaving for 6 hours to pay the babysitter. Every dollar I get from babysitting or organizing my neibor's kitchen I give dh for taxis so we don't touch his paycheck. It's not like I want a car to go travel the world, we need it to navigate life and yes, I will make sure my children have a profession.


Your husband takes a cab to work? Can he share a ride?

Good to read you are bringing in some money towards the household expenses.

There are jobs women do after the kids are asleep, from home, usually computer based. (one poster recently mentioned she uses an editor to help her with her photography business.. this is one such example).

I had mentioned - and I'll say it again - living within walking distance of public transportation is next to a must.

You don't have a "simple" lifestyle. You're in crisis.
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amother




Silver


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 8:29 pm
[quote="amother"]
Quote:


Yes of course Mazal happens, yet you wouldn't drive a car without getting a driver's license first.


I don't drive. Wink

And again, I manage beautifully without your odd your requisites for a good life.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 8:42 pm
amother wrote:
I don't drive. Wink

And again, I manage beautifully without your odd your requisites for a good life.


Not my point. No-one said you have to drive - I meant would you get in the car and drive without getting your license? Would you go swimming without learning how to swim? There's a good chance that your Mazal will work out and you'll manage to get to your destination intact - but would it be responsible to take that chance?
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naturalmom5









  


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 9:05 pm
amother wrote:
The reason I'm anon is because both my husband and myself grew up with the frum school system so we're not professionals either. anon because I don't want to speak LH against my own parents or my ils. I believe they felt they were doing the right thing, although if you asked them now, they agree with me that a secular education would have given us more of an advantage.


A) I agree with you 1000% (or at least your first post where no one was personally mentioned)

B) However, by going Amother it is still LH... Hashem knows who you are talking about. Maybe just say my life experience has talk me to do things differently for my family...
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amother




Silver


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 9:29 pm
amother wrote:
Not my point. No-one said you have to drive - I meant would you get in the car and drive without getting your license? Would you go swimming without learning how to swim? There's a good chance that your Mazal will work out and you'll manage to get to your destination intact - but would it be responsible to take that chance?


I b'davka answered you in a silly way because the entire premise of your question was ridiculous.


Would I drive without a license? No.

Would I swim without knowing how? No.

Would I swim without a license? Yes.

Would I drive without knowing how to swim? If I had a license...


You see, secular education as a generalization is not a prerequisite for earning money.

If you told me specifically: Would you be a doctor without a medical degree? The answer would be no.
But we weren't speaking about specific fields!

You made a generalization that secular education is the key to financial stability, and that's just not the case. There are many fields one can excel in without having received a secular education. In fact, there are many college graduates who never even use their degrees and are overwhelmed by debt.

Here's just a bit of reading for you. Feel free to google more.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/ja.....he-answer/

http://www.abajournal.com/news.....g_for_them
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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 9:36 pm
amother wrote:
Your husband takes a cab to work? Can he share a ride?

Good to read you are bringing in some money towards the household expenses.

There are jobs women do after the kids are asleep, from home, usually computer based. (one poster recently mentioned she uses an editor to help her with her photography business.. this is one such example).

I had mentioned - and I'll say it again - living within walking distance of public transportation is next to a must.

You don't have a "simple" lifestyle. You're in crisis.


I don't agree. All my other expenses are covered.
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 9:43 pm
amother wrote:
I don't agree. All my other expenses are covered. I just can't save to buy a car right now. That's all. Crisis is starving in my opinion. And yes, it's hard to rely on others to get to work and it's hard to deal with people but for the most part my life is very happy.
And again, living near the bus station would not solve the problem of dh getting to work. No bus drives by his job from our house or from the bus station. He is very happy with his job so I don't see him starting over from the botton at a new job. As for me, I'll save every penny and get a car eventually.

And you know what? You telling me I'm in crisis is a little insulting to be honest. I've seen rich people trapped in loveless marriages. I might not have a car but I have a dream of a marriage and a beautiful family.


Your reference to a "simple life" isn't related to how much love you have in your marriage - its to getting by with a little, living a simple lifestyle and enjoying it.

Financially you've reached the point where you needed to start a 'go fund me' campaign - that to me is a crisis. (At one point you mentioned this, or a thechesedfund.. detail was removed by OP)

Regarding the bus - its both of you who need to get around, no? (or will you be driving dh back and forth to work?)
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amother




Amber


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 9:57 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:


B) However, by going Amother it is still LH... Hashem knows who you are talking about. Maybe just say my life experience has talk me to do things differently for my family...


Laughing
Please bring a source for this.
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NovelConcept









  


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 10:20 pm
amother wrote:
Laughing
Please bring a source for this.


Please refer to post #3. Yellow.

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....p?t=342054
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 10:43 pm
amother wrote:
I b'davka answered you in a silly way because the entire premise of your question was ridiculous.


Would I drive without a license? No.

Would I swim without knowing how? No.

Would I swim without a license? Yes.

Would I drive without knowing how to swim? If I had a license...


You see, secular education as a generalization is not a prerequisite for earning money.

If you told me specifically: Would you be a doctor without a medical degree? The answer would be no.
But we weren't speaking about specific fields!

You made a generalization that secular education is the key to financial stability, and that's just not the case. There are many fields one can excel in without having received a secular education. In fact, there are many college graduates who never even use their degrees and are overwhelmed by debt.

Here's just a bit of reading for you. Feel free to google more.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/ja.....he-answer/

http://www.abajournal.com/news.....g_for_them


I read your links.

Your first article bemoaned the fact that undergrads don't have the right skill set - but they do need 'a skill set' a very broad 'thinking' and technical skill set. They wanted a strong arts education (learning how to think!) and a technology education (learning how to code). It didn't suggest 'no school' rather 'better school'.

US law schools come in several tiers. You go to a first tier law school - you won't be subject to those bleak stats.
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oliveoil









  


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:33 pm
amother wrote:
I don't agree. All my other expenses are covered.


I'm sorry but you are deluding yourself.

You have ZERO wiggle-room in your finances.

More than that, you and your husband can't get even around!

You can't imagine how you could come up with $700 for a down payment. What happens if your husband (G-d forbid) loses his job? You will be down to your last cent within a week from the sounds of it.

You are absolutely in a crisis.
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amother




Silver


Post  Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:52 pm
http://www.mesila.org/mesila/
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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Mon, Jul 16 2018, 12:10 am
Thanks everyone for your time. Some of you gave me wonderful advice, I'm grateful.
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