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Lakewood peer pressure
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 8:05 pm
I was just in Lakewood and saw so many people dressed to the nines . My relatives in Lakewood told me there’s Tons of pressure to always look great. Is that true?
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benny




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 8:10 pm
I believe peer pressure depends on the individual. But for those that do feel the need to keep up with the jones, there may be more peer pressure now that a lot of wealthier and well dressed ppl have been moving to the area.
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gittylove




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 9:33 pm
Peer pressure is all over. It stands out in lakewood cuz majority is a young crowd.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 9:39 pm
She obviously is the pressured type. Developments encourage the peer comparison I believe . Many areas are not pressured .
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mommyla




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 9:45 pm
It really depends on where you live and your own sense of confidence. And age. I believe that there's way more pressure on the younger women (I'm not all that old myself Wink but I mean those in their early/mid 20s) self-imposed or not.
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 9:56 pm
Depends who and which crowd you belong too. The younger crowd in general is very put together.

That being said, even older women who aren’t dressed in the latest styles make sure their kids have stylish clothes.

I know plenty of women with 12 plus kids who always manage to dress there large brood matching head to tie with the latest kippah or bow....

But I won’t say it’s exclusive to Lakewood. in Flatbush, Five Towns, Monsey ect there is also a big pressure to look good. Maybe this is a “in-town” issue? Which makes sme new because we have more Frum stores here eager to push the latest style and more buyers who buy and make their neighbors want to buy....

(I happen to dress very well and I’m grateful to live in a place where I can buy beautiful clothes. I’m not pressured- I like to look good. I also think it is a kiddush Hashem to look neat, presentable and beautiful at all times. Throughout high school I had some amazing teachers who were true role models in that area. They taught us that a true princess should look beautiful and that being tznius is not “nebby”. Of course, you can look beautiful without always buying the latest clothes. That’s the struggle here....)
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 10:00 pm
Let me put it this way.

DH called me up a few weeks ago after spending the day in Lakewood, telling me that Lakewood women are so well-dressed and attractive, and that he was totally turned on.

He got the cold shoulder for a good long while until he apologized for acting like a jerk.

But seriously Lakewooders: Can't you dress down a bit instead of being on the runway every time you step out of the house?

As I heard from a secular boy once: Frum girls are hot!

That's not how it's supposed to be.

Just because we frum women have the skills to know how to dress, doesn't mean we should use them to entice men we aren't married to -- whether intentionally or not.

Wisdom is using your beauty skill to look sweet, presentable, and MODEST. Not drop-dead-gorgeous-would-ya-look-me!
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mommyla




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 10:23 pm
Confused Honestly, for every drop-dead-gorgeous, dressed-to-the-nines, overdone woman I see in Lakewood, there are at least three who look simply put-together and normal (and at least one who looks, for lack of a better word, shleppy). Maybe because I'm not shopping in the frum stores all that often or eating lunch in restaurants... maybe I hang with the "wrong" crowd (or rather the right one LOL)

I'm so grateful to have found a neighborhood where mostly everyone dresses like I do, and nobody cares what I wear or dress my kids in (and most of the kids are running around in clothes from Target, WalMart, H&M, Zara, Gap...). And I'm also grateful to be at a stage of life where I don't really care what everyone else thinks about how I look.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 10:25 pm
mommyla wrote:
Confused Honestly, for every drop-dead-gorgeous, dressed-to-the-nines, overdone woman I see in Lakewood, there are at least three who look simply put-together and normal (and at least one who looks, for lack of a better word, shleppy). Maybe because I'm not shopping in the frum stores all that often or eating lunch in restaurants... maybe I hang with the "wrong" crowd (or rather the right one LOL)

I'm so grateful to have found a neighborhood where mostly everyone dresses like I do, and nobody cares what I wear or dress my kids in (and most of the kids are running around in clothes from Target, WalMart, H&M, Zara, Gap...). And I'm also grateful to be at a stage of life where I don't really care what everyone else thinks about how I look.


That sounds awesome mommyla. Just keep doin' what you're doin'!
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 10:26 pm
Op here . I live in Flatbush so it’s not exactly like I live under a rock and I totally don’t feel the same pressure . I happen to dress well too btw. Just if I dress causal one day , I don’t feel like anyone will judge me for that ...
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 10:32 pm
“I'm so grateful to have found a neighborhood where mostly everyone dresses like I do, and nobody cares what I wear or dress my kids in (and most of the kids are running around in clothes from Target, WalMart, H&M, Zara, Gap...). And I'm also grateful to be at a stage of life where I don't really care what everyone else thinks about how I look.]”

Please tell me which neighborhood that is... I’m having a hard time keeping up with everyonelease tell me which neighborhood that is... I’m having a hard time keeping up with everyone
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creditcards




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 10:32 pm
I moved from Boro park and as far as I remember the pressure was bigger in Boro Park. I see in Lakewood all types of dress types. Some very well dressed and some not.
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 10:57 pm
amother wrote:
Op here . I live in Flatbush so it’s not exactly like I live under a rock and I totally don’t feel the same pressure . I happen to dress well too btw. Just if I dress causal one day , I don’t feel like anyone will judge me for that ...

Scratching Head not sure what you mean. There are plenty of times I drew causal in my fall, long skirt and tee and I dint feel any pressure....

I even sometimes go straight from the gym to gourmet glatt in *gasp* a snood and clunky sneakers.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 10:58 pm
amother wrote:
Let me put it this way.

DH called me up a few weeks ago after spending the day in Lakewood, telling me that Lakewood women are so well-dressed and attractive, and that he was totally turned on.

He got the cold shoulder for a good long while until he apologized for acting like a jerk.

But seriously Lakewooders: Can't you dress down a bit instead of being on the runway every time you step out of the house?

As I heard from a secular boy once: Frum girls are hot!

That's not how it's supposed to be.

Just because we frum women have the skills to know how to dress, doesn't mean we should use them to entice men we aren't married to -- whether intentionally or not.

Wisdom is using your beauty skill to look sweet, presentable, and MODEST. Not drop-dead-gorgeous-would-ya-look-me!



First of all, as you obviously realized, I think this comment was way out of line from husband to wife.

I am someone who likes to "dress up", I guess you could say. I like to look nice and put together and feel good about myself, and my husband likes it, too. This means I am usually wearing a nice outfit, and nice pair of shoes, matching accessories, makeup, and a sheitel. My sheitel is not long and glamorous. I wear a fair amount of makeup, but it is not overwhelming and bright. My outfits are classy and tasteful, not too tight or calling "look at me!" There is definitely a line that is sometimes crossed, when women dress too provocatively out in public. But I don't think you can be upset at other women for dressing nicely. Why should I dress in a snood, zip-up and slinky skirt just because you do? I think it's between each husband and wife to figure out a balance of how they prefer her to dress.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:09 pm
I went out today in a snood and slinky skirt and I saw plenty of ladies dressed like me. It was raining. I went to amazing savings and gourmet glatt and plenty of ladies not dressed up.
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:12 pm
amother wrote:
Let me put it this way.

DH called me up a few weeks ago after spending the day in Lakewood, telling me that Lakewood women are so well-dressed and attractive, and that he was totally turned on.

He got the cold shoulder for a good long while until he apologized for acting like a jerk.

But seriously Lakewooders: Can't you dress down a bit instead of being on the runway every time you step out of the house?

As I heard from a secular boy once: Frum girls are hot!

That's not how it's supposed to be.

Just because we frum women have the skills to know how to dress, doesn't mean we should use them to entice men we aren't married to -- whether intentionally or not.

Wisdom is using your beauty skill to look sweet, presentable, and MODEST. Not drop-dead-gorgeous-would-ya-look-me!


Are you serious, is he 14 or 15..

Thats what you say to your buds over beer and cholent..

NOT YOUR OWN WIFE......
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:29 pm
There is nothing wrong with woman looking good in Lakewood. Lakewood happens to be a town where a lot of young men made a lot of money. Why are we only complaining about how woman look? What about the homes going up or the cars everyone is driving or the vacations pple are taking why is it always the woman's fault with everything. If your hsiabkd makes a comment to you about woman looking good he is trying to hint to you that you should put more effort into the way you dress.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:36 pm
amother wrote:
First of all, as you obviously realized, I think this comment was way out of line from husband to wife.

I am someone who likes to "dress up", I guess you could say. I like to look nice and put together and feel good about myself, and my husband likes it, too. This means I am usually wearing a nice outfit, and nice pair of shoes, matching accessories, makeup, and a sheitel. My sheitel is not long and glamorous. I wear a fair amount of makeup, but it is not overwhelming and bright. My outfits are classy and tasteful, not too tight or calling "look at me!" There is definitely a line that is sometimes crossed, when women dress too provocatively out in public. But I don't think you can be upset at other women for dressing nicely. Why should I dress in a snood, zip-up and slinky skirt just because you do? I think it's between each husband and wife to figure out a balance of how they prefer her to dress.


Totally agree he was way out of line. Absolutely. I will say though, that he is frustrated because, due to medical reasons, he hasn't had as much attention as he's needed. He's drawn pretty thin and bad behavior was exhibited. Despite that absolutely idiotic comment that he had to really make up for, he's a pretty nice guy most of the time.

And amother, I agree with you -- a woman is allowed to look nice. But when the sheitel is too long, the skirt too short and the shirt too tight, there's a problem. It may not be YOUR problem, baruch Hashem, but in Lakewood, I do think it is a common problem.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:38 pm
amother wrote:
Let me put it this way.

DH called me up a few weeks ago after spending the day in Lakewood, telling me that Lakewood women are so well-dressed and attractive, and that he was totally turned on.

He got the cold shoulder for a good long while until he apologized for acting like a jerk.

But seriously Lakewooders: Can't you dress down a bit instead of being on the runway every time you step out of the house?


Gimme a break. Every neighborhood (even Villiamsburg) has their highly attractive drop dead dressers.

I feel sorry for you (to the point that I almost cant believe any husband talks like that, and my DH is faaaaaar from perfect), because his vomit inducing words would be hurtful to almost any wife, even the most confident drop dead gorgeous dressers, and your husband has serious issues.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2018, 11:39 pm
When my kids were looking at houses, they would check out each neighborhood. If the kids were dressed to kill (or the mothers) they crossed that area off their list.

That said, I've sometimes stopped in to a store in Crocs (nicer ones, not the real shleppy kind) and once I had a little boy staring as if he'd seen a Martian. Hey, I'm a bubby, my feet hurt, and please teach your kids it's not nice to stare....
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