Life is so hard! | Imamother

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 17 2018, 4:32 pm

Why is it taking me so long to get a job? or at least an interview? I've been looking for a job for over a year. I got one interview about 3 months ago. However, for the last couple of months, I've been trying even harder to find a job each day because I know we're in a bad financial situation and my husband's income isn't enough. I don't have the best career and I can't go back to school (need to earn some money first). It's VERY hard over here. I hear some people complaining that it's hard in Israel, but over there I have family and I feel like I rather struggle over there than over here. I convinced him to move to Israel, but it feels like I'm forcing him and I don't want that. So basically, I'm still looking for jobs over here and I feel stuck...I've applied to some jobs that could make me seem over qualified, but I don't know what else to do... I guess there are too many receptionists/assistant teachers... but why can't I at least get an interview? Is it because I took a few years off to take care of my kids since I have no family around? I'm feeling very stressed out because I'm hoping to get a job by September but I'm feeling very negative. If I won't get a job, we won't be able to send my youngest to school until I do (nursery school)...and not sure how we'll continue with yeshiva for the other kids. Sometimes I feel like just forgetting about all of these expenses and just send them to public. Sometimes I feel like just moving to an out of town community that is cheaper just so my kids will have their own rooms and won't be in a crowded one bedroom apartment. But then I think about the big picture and remind myself that there are more important things than having a house. It's just very hard because I grew up comfortably (my parents weren't rich but we were comfortable and I had my own room) and I want the same for my kids. My husband isn't like my dad who's motivated and plans everything for the family. So basically, it's up to me to fix things and I'm feeling so stressed out and depressed. Oh yea, by the way, I've been living in the same apartment even before marriage... I didn't have what some brides get...a new apartment, new pots etc... so I guess I also want a change already. I know I shouldn't be so negative and things could get worse, so it would be nice if you could just write positive things so I can move forward...because life is so hard!

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 17 2018, 4:58 pm

SpottedBanana wrote:

Sorry you're feeling so stressed out! Hug

Two questions:

1) what is your background in terms of jobs -- education, experience, skills?

2) what's wrong with moving OOT? especially to a state with vouchers? friends of ours got a 6 bedroom 5 bathroom house in Atlanta for $500k.

1. I'm afraid if I give too many details, some would already guess who I am Sad

I do have a BA. Last full time job was in a hospital (not a nurse) with not great hours and pay for a mom so I decided to stay home.

2. I wouldn't mind it, but can't go too far from NYC because my husband is currently with the only good job that pays over $80,000 (pre tax) and yet it's still not enough for a family and yet we're still struggling with that amount. He likes his job and thinks that other places wouldn't pay as much and wouldn't be the same...so can't go too far away unfortunately.

SpottedBanana

Tue, Jul 17 2018, 5:06 pm

amother wrote:

1. I'm afraid if I give too many details, some would already guess who I am Sad

Can you move somewhere cheap but commutable to NYC, like Elizabeth NJ? (not a yeshivish community but there is a small smattering of yeshivish-ish families. Not a very modern community either). A quick glance at zillow.com revealed a bunch of homes near the shul in the $300k range.

Another nice thing about it (I grew up there) is that's zero pressure about material things.

amother

Denim

Tue, Jul 17 2018, 5:39 pm

[quote="amother"]Why is it taking me so long to get a job? or at least an interview? I've been looking for a job for over a year. I got one interview about 3 months ago. However, for the last couple of months, I've been trying even harder to find a job each day because I know we're in a bad financial situation and my husband's income isn't enough. I don't have the best career and I can't go back to school (need to earn some money first). It's VERY hard over here. I hear some people complaining that it's hard in Israel, but over there I have family and I feel like I rather struggle over there than over here. I convinced him to move to Israel, but it feels like I'm forcing him and I don't want that. So basically, I'm still looking for jobs over here and I feel stuck...I've applied to some jobs that could make me seem over qualified, but I don't know what else to do... I guess there are too many receptionists/assistant teachers... but why can't I at least get an interview? Is it because I took a few years off to take care of my kids since I have no family around? I'm feeling very stressed out because I'm hoping to get a job by September but I'm feeling very negative. If I won't get a job, we won't be able to send my youngest to school until I do (nursery school)...and not sure how we'll continue with yeshiva for the other kids. Sometimes I feel like just forgetting about all of these expenses and just send them to public. Sometimes I feel like just moving to an out of town community that is cheaper just so my kids will have their own rooms and won't be in a crowded one bedroom apartment. But then I think about the big picture and remind myself that there are more important things than having a house. It's just very hard because I grew up comfortably (my parents weren't rich but we were comfortable and I had my own room) and I want the same for my kids. My husband isn't like my dad who's motivated and plans everything for the family. So basically, it's up to me to fix things and I'm feeling so stressed out and depressed. Oh yea, by the way, I've been living in the same apartment even before marriage... I didn't have what some brides get...a new apartment, new pots etc... so I guess I also want a change already. I know I shouldn't be so negative and things could get worse, so it would be nice if you could just write positive things so I can move forward...because life is so hard![/quoti

I learned that many times, parnassa problems are instead of health problems. Ask yourself whether you’d rather this, or have Gd forbid health problems for you or your family? Read books on emunah and you will learn how to more accepting, how to understand why Gd is putting you through this test, and how your attitude can improve. Hatzlacha.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 17 2018, 6:31 pm

TwinsMommy wrote:

maybe at the same time you're looking, he can be looking all over the USA--- don't just assume he can't get more than $80,000 somewhere else. OR $80,000 but in a much more affordable community.

If you were to move to an affordable community, he keeps an $80,000 salary, AND you pick up a $30,000 salary, say..... you can definitely rent or buy a HOUSE. Or even if his salary goes down a bit. I can't imagine living in a one bedroom apartment with kids- no wonder you feel stifled.

Op here
This was my plan at first. I was looking at more affordable places that aren’t as far. The problem is that we can’t move anywhere unless we get parents help but I dislike asking them for money help. We don’t have savings and we’re paying bills, student loans, and this summer we enlisted our kid in special psychology services that doesn’t take in network insurance because he needs some help with something so that’s another extra. The problem is that we can’t save in order to move (even for rented apartment) until I find work because most of it goes to yeshiva even after getting a scholarship sum. So I feel very conflicted... keep the kids in yeshiva and hope I get a job so we could move one day or send them to public so we could finally have a bigger apartment. It’s true that money doesn’t give you happiness but it’s also very difficult without much money to afford to live comfortably as a family over here. It has affected our marriage as well being in a one bedroom.

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Jul 17 2018, 7:39 pm

I learned that many times, parnassa problems are instead of health problems. Ask yourself whether you’d rather this, or have Gd forbid health problems for you or your family? Read books on emunah and you will learn how to more accepting, how to understand why Gd is putting you through this test, and how your attitude can improve. Hatzlacha.[/quote]

Then what about ppl who have both?? I know ppl like that. No human can explain exactly why someones suffering except for high level rav like gedolei hdor. Hashems reasons /ways are hidden from us.