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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
Threatened to potch for the first time



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amother
Gray


 

Post Wed, Jul 18 2018, 8:37 pm
I am at my total wits' end. I'm having an impossible time getting my rambunctious 4 year old to stay in bed at bedtime. We have a bedtime routine and after 10 minutes of reading and 5 minutes of snuggles, lights are out and that's when the trouble begins. He runs out of his room, I put him back in and close the door. I tell him I'll open it again when he's in bed. He turns on the light, bangs things against the door. Tonight he pulled the curtains and curtain brackets out of the wall. I went in and 20 minutes later all sweaty after putting the curtains back up, I plop him in his bed and giggling he runs out again. I put him back in. Over and over. I threaten to take prizes from his drawer for every time he comes out. 10 prizes later, he's still giggling and running out. I physically hold him down in his bed and he's squirming and giggling. I was totally losing my hair by this point (it's been over an hour since the beginning). I threatened to potch. Thankfully, DH came home and took over and I don't even know what's going on up there now.

Please, please someone give me some way to handle this situation without resorting to potching. I have never potched any of my children, but this is just too much.

P.S. I have tried incentive charts for this and it doesn't work
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sneakermom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 18 2018, 9:39 pm
A few ideas:

1. Start bedtime a drop later so he will be more tired.

2. Sit by the door, back turned to him until he falls asleep. Don’t be reactive or engaging in any way. Matter a fact and calm. Sitting there will contain him and keep things under control.

3. If he stays in bed the whole time then he gets a treat the next morning.

4. If he gets out just put him back without a word.
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amother
Green


 

Post Wed, Jul 18 2018, 11:27 pm
Watch Supernanny! She has some great ideas.

What I learned from her was: the first time he comes out you say, "it's bedtime, ds." The 2nd time, you say "bedtime." The 3rd time you say nothing, just get up and put him back in bed silently. Even if it takes 20 times, every time you get up immediately, pick him up and put him back in bed without a word.
Eventually he will stop and bedtime should get easier. He is looking for and enjoying the reaction is he getting from you. When you refuse to give him that satisfaction, the joy of getting out of bed repeatedly dissipates and he should go to bed easier.
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Lizzie4




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 19 2018, 2:31 am
I use tapes for my 4 (and 2 1/2) year old. He loves them and that keeps him in bed.
I do a very short bedtime routine and I find that the earlier the better. When he's overtired hes more resistant. I put him to sleep between 5:30-6:00, pj's, shema, 2-3 minutes of schmoozing about our day etc. and then he has a half hour of quiet reading or tape time. I give him a sippy cup with water in case he's thirsty.
(I bathe the kids in the morning)
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 19 2018, 2:57 am
amother wrote:
Watch Supernanny! She has some great ideas.

What I learned from her was: the first time he comes out you say, "it's bedtime, ds." The 2nd time, you say "bedtime." The 3rd time you say nothing, just get up and put him back in bed silently. Even if it takes 20 times, every time you get up immediately, pick him up and put him back in bed without a word.
Eventually he will stop and bedtime should get easier. He is looking for and enjoying the reaction is he getting from you. When you refuse to give him that satisfaction, the joy of getting out of bed repeatedly dissipates and he should go to bed easier.


Exactly. Do not give him attention for getting out of bed.
Wasnt there that one episode where she put a child back to bed over 100 or 200 times in one night? Silently...
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 19 2018, 6:22 am
Another point is to stay out of power struggles by all means. He seems to enjoy the power of manipulating you. Choose your battles with him.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Thu, Jul 19 2018, 6:26 am
Really great suggestions above.
It will take hard work and some soul searching to fix the issue. Be patient with yourself! (Potching NEVER works especially for a kid like yours...I'm pretty sure itl hurt his self esteem and he'd overreact...)
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amother
Gray


 

Post Thu, Jul 19 2018, 12:27 pm
Thank you so much everyone for the replies and suggestions.

Regarding the suggestion that several people are making of putting him back into bed every time he gets out, that's exactly what I have tried (I pick him up and put him back in without saying anything) and he just thinks it's funny. It has been totally not effective.

This is definitely a power struggle, but I'm not sure how to avoid it.

If I would let him do a quiet activity in bed for any longer (like reading or listen to music) he would never fall asleep. I have tried that with my kids and they just stay up as long as the activity continues.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 19 2018, 12:44 pm
I have an almost 4 yr old like this. What I do after books, shema, cuddles is this.
I put on a CD. He gets to choose as part of his bedtime routine. I say good night tuck him in and close the light. If he comes out, I pick him up, put him back in bed just saying "bedtime now". Then I sit on the floor right near his bed, with my back to him and read the Binah. Every time he comes out, I put him back in bed, no talking, or even eye contact and go on reading. Every few minutes I move forwards the door.

If he makes a mess or is destructive, I ignore it and keep putting him bed. I clean up after he's sleeping because I don't want him to get any reaction.

It gets very boring for him. Usually within 15 min he lays down with his teddy or something.

Hatzlocha.
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 19 2018, 12:44 pm
Maybe don't pick him up, but rather hold his hand firmly and walk him to bed without a sound and when you lay him down, press somewhat firmly along the length of his body so his nervous system gets the message through his nerve endings in the skin.
About avoiding power struggles, try to pay attention to when they are about to come at which time you think to yourself whether you are ready to fight it out to the end. If you don't feel ready for whatever reason, rather give in before the struggle starts. But once you start, you MUST finish all the way to the end. Rather give in before starting than to give up somewhere in middle after he hooked you.
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wiki




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 19 2018, 4:46 pm
I like people's responses so far a lot.

I also have a four YO who has and had phases of bedtime craziness (she still often takes a while to fall asleep, but we're past the total rebelliousness against bedtime).

If the above ideas don't work, here's a totally different direction:
Once I baked her favorite cookies that I don't often make. I bribed her every night with a cookie upon waking in the morning if she cooperated at bedtime. After a week of this and the cookies ran out, she was already out of the habit of going nuts at bedtime and used to being more cooperative.
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