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Instilling tznius
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 1:06 pm
tigerwife wrote:
If you are trying to imply that upon development, your daughters should be aware that they will be more s.xually provocative then my advice is please do not go on that path. In all of my RW BY years I have never been given reason for tznius and it was emphasized enough for positive reasons only. I can only see disgust and resentment coming from this approach. As your daughters mature they should be able to figure that out on their own.


This, 10000%
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 1:18 pm
There is also the issue of teaching boundaries and privacy I.e. keeping the bathroom door closed, not eavesdropping on conversations, not opening someone else's mail. This should be taught from toilet training age and role modelled.

Every precious thing is covered and protected I.e. jewelry, a sefer Torah. The body is precious and holy as well and should be covered appropriately.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 2:06 pm
amother wrote:
Or, you may have complete clarity but feel a young girl is too immature to grasp it and not know how to give it over to her in a way she can embrace it


Usually, if one has clarity, especially 'complete clarity' about a topic, it is an easy feat to break it down and explain it to those who are younger/less cognitively developed.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 2:33 pm
There's a reason why young teens may not yet have the maturity or sensitivity to understand the implications of their development; they aren't supposed to. Hashem made them that way.

They will B"EH develop that in good time. There's no need to rush it. Just teach them about tznius in terms of your community norms, be a positive role model, and daven for their continued growth B"EH.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 2:50 pm
I don't see more shaming or blaming than for any other non respected rule that the person knows about. Anyway tznius isn't only about attraction or the 100 year old granny (and the kid looking 12 year old) wouldn't have to cover. I never give that explanation, not to myself either, because NO person in my street is going to make a difference whether my elbow is covered or not and yet haalcha does.
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 3:47 pm
Why is it inappropriate for a girl to wear loose pajama pants and t shirt or a nightgown in her own home?
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happymom123




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 4:21 pm
There are so many things you can say that will "teach" your daughter the importance of tznius but the only thing that can really "instill" it is having you as her role model. No words can accomplish what having a role model can accomplish
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salt




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 25 2018, 2:10 am
Ella1 wrote:
What shame?
I never heard of shame coming into this?


I think what she means is (the poster who mentioned shame), is that when girls are young, they are not explained properly that the reason for covering up one's body is because a woman's body is attractive and beautiful and attracts men, and one day iy"h they will have a husband and he will find her beautiful, etc.

So it becomes more like "pull down your skirt it's not tzanua" - and that gives the girl a kind of mistaken sense of shame - like "oh is it not nice to see my knees or something?"

Sorry I don't think I'm really explaining myself properly.

But it's hard to find the way to explain to young girls/teenagers that you much dress modestly and respectfully so that you don't attract undesirable attention to yourselves because you are beautiful, not because it's not nice to see your body.

Does anyone understand what I'm saying?

And I don't agree that it's enough to say "the torah says so" - that's very hard to accept for many people.

No answers to OP here, sorry, just some musings.
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momtra




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 25 2018, 2:37 am
The degree to which questions are encouraged/accepted to be asked and answered varies, but the “ it says in the Torah” may not be enough of an answer for a thinking teenager.
Don’t be afraid to tell her why you chose the norms of tzniyus that you and your community have. It’s something that was never explained to me in my RW upbringing, and I am now very conscious of explaining it to my daughters.
In general, focusing on the value of an expected behavior is what you wat to stay with them .
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