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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Fast Days, and other Days of Note
Feeling funny not to fast tisha bav
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 4:29 pm
Chayalle wrote:
I was pg with DD 20 years ago and like this year, it was a Nidcha. My Rav told me to fast until chatzos, then make Havdalah and eat.

Burgundy, I don't know where you get that....There definitely are situations where a woman should not fast during pg. I have an aunt who lost a pg due to fasting. My sister is a doctor and she told me she has patients who lost pg's the day after. Follow your doctor/Rav's advice, OP, and keep safe. Especially a year like this one where there's more room to be meikil because of Nidcha.


How did you make havdalah? Doesn't it need to be made by a man?
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 4:47 pm
I was told to eat without havdalah and wait to hear it on Sunday night.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 4:49 pm
amother wrote:
I was told to eat without havdalah and wait to hear it on Sunday night.


Same here
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 4:53 pm
amother wrote:
I was told to eat without havdalah and wait to hear it on Sunday night.

This just shows how each person needs to ask their own Rav since we all will get different answers
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amother
Beige


 

Post Fri, Jul 20 2018, 5:17 pm
Every year same topic rehashed Tisha B’av time... I remember the back and forth on here after I had a baby before Tisha B’av- same thing, a nidche... dh said havdallah and I drank a cup of coffee since hagafen is not allowed on Tisha B’av.
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OutATowner




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jul 21 2018, 9:58 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
My Rav said I should not fast at all and that I should make havdalah on motzai Shabbos, drink the grape juice and eat. He then mentioned to call back before Yom Kippur too. Im post partum and still within the 30 days and nursing.

I was told to make havdalah tomorrow on coffee (aish tonight). That is going to be so strange, especially explaining it to my kids.
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amother
Olive


 

Post Sat, Jul 21 2018, 10:10 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
This just shows how each person needs to ask their own Rav since we all will get different answers


Yup!

Our rav told DH to make havdalah on chomer medina tonigh and have me drink it. Funny thing is that I absolutely can't stand grape juice, so drinking tea is far more pleasurable to me.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Sat, Jul 21 2018, 10:24 pm
3 weeks postpartum here.
Not fasting at all. Told to make Havdala on ice coffee
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Moonlight




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jul 21 2018, 10:30 pm
amother wrote:
How did you make havdalah? Doesn't it need to be made by a man?

Preferably but not necessary.
Think of the many cases where a lady might need to make it for herself. Widow, divorced, husband OOT, husband sick... ETC
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amother
Beige


 

Post Sat, Jul 21 2018, 10:40 pm
Moonlight wrote:
Preferably but not necessary.
Think of the many cases where a lady might need to make it for herself. Widow, divorced, husband OOT, husband sick... ETC


Fire tonight and Hamavdil after the fast. No besamim
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OutATowner




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jul 21 2018, 10:50 pm
amother wrote:
Fire tonight and Hamavdil after the fast. No besamim

And shehakol/hagafen on whichever drink your Rav told you to use.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Sat, Jul 21 2018, 11:09 pm
If your doctor says don't then don't.
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Moonlight




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 12:25 am
amother wrote:
Fire tonight and Hamavdil after the fast. No besamim

Shehakol/hagafen and hamavdil before you eat, whenever you are ready to eat
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 12:45 am
amother wrote:
How did you make havdalah? Doesn't it need to be made by a man?


The Mihna Brura brings two opinions. One that women are potur according to some opinions so it could be a brocha lvetola and one that they are chiyuv..

Interestingly, in the Dirshu footnotes, my husband told me the main problem is drinking wine
because, some Medrashim say Chava drank wine and then gave it to Adam... So the Zohar says women should rectify that by not drinking wine motzi shab . But making Havdala on coffee is ok..
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lefty1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 5:56 am
I thought the problem with women saying havdallah is the bracha on aish - which anyway everyone will say after shabbat
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 8:54 am
amother wrote:
I was in the middle of an HG pregnancy last summer and already on IV fluids for weeks to keep me from getting dehydrated. Of course it wasn't even a question that I shouldn't fast on 9 Av. I remember my brother saying he was jealous that I wasn't fasting and I told him that he was going to eat more to break his fast than I was going to manage to eat all day. It did feel weird not to fast, but I was so miserable I hardly noticed.

This year I'm exclusively nursing and since I'm prone to getting dehydrated and it's a nidche, the rav told me not to fast. I think this year will feel even stranger not fasting because I can eat and drink normally which I couldn't do last year. But I will try to listen to Eicha on my computer and think about the reasons for the day while I'm busy occupying my kids. And I volunteered to help another mother with her kids since she does have to fast and I know how hard that is.



Wow you sound like me, I have home IV for the whole pregnancy due to severe HG and dehydration. Never met anyone with an issue as severe as myne. I would love to make contact...
Back to the topic at hand, ofcourse you can't fast when you get so sick/ or the baby needs food.

My first pregnancy the Rav said I should do shiurim on tom Kippur , due to how many ER visits I had already for dehydration. And he said to start it right away, not wait until I'm feeling faint because then shiurim won't be enough to pull me out. And I wasnt aloud to go to shul, just stay home and rest.

A lady who sits near me in shul (and I taught her daughter that yr) saw me a few days later and was like "we missed you in shul", so I said the Rav said I should stay home. She smears and was like, I came to shul many times in your condition!
Some people....
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amother
Purple


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 9:47 am
I am not pregnant ot nursing and I am not fasting. My Rav said to do the night, and I can break at any time if I feel sick or have to stay in bed. He said to make havdala myself on grape juice. I ate something at shalashudis that gave me major reflux/stomach pain/gas. It was so bad that I was up at 3:30 am and couldn't sleep. My throat was burning from acid irritation and I was stuffed up/hard to breathe. Then I started panicking that I was having an allergic reaction ( I have allergies).. Inded up drinking a bottle of water then, making havdala when I woke up, and taking my meds. My GI is still killing. I'm exhausted from not sleeping last night and I have three little kids to take care of. I dunno how I would survive this day without medicine/food. I think I would feel more weird if I felt and looked fantastic.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 10:56 am
I never fast because of a health issue. It's an "invisible" one so most people outside of my immediate family don't know about it. On Yom Kippur I drink less than a shiur. I am supposed to start it right away to keep hydrated so I won't HAVE TO break my "fast" (still considered fasting if drinking less than a shiur) I stay in bed all day and don't go to shul. I feel like I miss out so much of the day because of that. But that's my avoda. (The last time I tried going to shul almost 20 years ago I fainted and had to break my fast)
I end up feeling faint halfway through the day even with drinking little bits and then can no longer concentrate on davening, it's all I can do to lift my head up every 10 minutes and take a tiny sip.

On Tisha B'av I don't fast at all. DH makes havdala (minus the b'samim) and I drink the grape juice (that's what we were told to do). I actually have less trouble feeling the day on Tisha B'Av than on Yom Kippur these days because of the plethora of books, videos, shiurim, etc... available to "put you in the mood" nowadays. I eat very plain food and not a lot of it since the main thing for me is keeping hydrated.
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 1:19 pm
I ate something quick hidden away because my rav said not to fast but my family will not understand. I'm desperate to drink but don't have a way to do so quietly. I didn't prepare myself well enough because day before was shabbos. I need to learn how to deal with this better. Last year I had a similar situation and was very sick afterwards.
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 1:22 pm
amother wrote:
I ate something quick hidden away because my rav said not to fast but my family will not understand. I'm desperate to drink but don't have a way to do so quietly. I didn't prepare myself well enough because day before was shabbos. I need to learn how to deal with this better. Last year I had a similar situation and was very sick afterwards.

if you're desperate drink water from the bathroom sink.
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