What helps you listen and be attentive to your kids’ needs?

amother

Coral

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 9:45 am

I pace myself. And bribe myself. Like I'll do 1 hour of being fully present then lock myself in room with coffee and cake...obviously it can be longer than hour but telling myself I'll get to rest soon motivates me to stay more present. I find it excruciatingly difficult too...

amother

Taupe

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 12:12 pm

Sometimes it's helpful to try an activity that's more engaging for both you and your kids. Playing a game like simon says or I spy or singing a song with motions. Reading a book, especially if you do voices. Or you can ask them questions about themselves, like their favorite color or food. That sort of thing can help make it easier to stay focused.

amother

Puce

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 12:18 pm

amother wrote:

You sound like an amazing mother

amother

Seagreen

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 4:23 pm

What helps me play with my kids? The fact that I enjoy it more than housework.

But more seriously, I find having set activities which I also enjoy works best. So if you enjoy reading books to them, make sure to have a variety on hand. If you like arts and crafts, get a bunch of arts and crafts kits and supplies geared towards kids. If you like pretending, make sure you have dolls and accessories or a toy kitchen and accessories. If you like building, buy lots of duplo or megablocks, or magnatiles, or clicks, or anything like that. If you like puzzles, get lots of age appropriate puzzles. If you like to sit on the couch and watch them, brush up on kids games like simon says, musical chairs, freeze dance, red light green light 123, mother may I, etc. If you like to get up and move, put on music and have a dance party or put on a yoga video and lay out some mats and do it together. If you like cooking, have them bake/cook with you or just give them random things to mix together that you don't need while you bake/cook. If you liek to clean, get mini brooms and dust pans and some rags and spray bottles of soapy water or some magic sponges and clean with them. Basically, I enjoy doing things with my kids if I get some enjoyment out of the activity I'm doing with them. There is also much less whining and annoyance (on both ends) if we are all engaged in an activity.

daagahminayin

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 4:29 pm

amother wrote:

Assuming you were sarcastic as I'm sure locking myself for a bit sounds dreadful. My goal is to be just a bit better a mom than mine was to me.

I’m sure you’re a great mother - not being sarcastic at all. I can totally relate to the solitude and coffee and cake thing, and using that to motivate yourself to give your kids quality time sounds like a good idea! I might try it.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 4:33 pm

Following.

My kids are older and it's still hard. I have so much to do and to stop and listen to what their dream was about or what their classmate brought for lunch or their personal version of the Chanukah story, it's excruciating.

I have a "date" with each kid twice a month where we go out somewhere and just schmooze so sometimes I'll ask them to tell me then, but mostly I just listen with half an ear and ask questions on the last 3 words so they think I'm listening.

Maryann

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 4:35 pm

amother wrote:

I should really start a new thread for this, I love this idea but it's very hard when u have so many different ages. I have ages 1 to 7.I can't possibly build or do anything enjoyable with my 1yr old around. How do you cope with that?

amother

Coral

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 4:55 pm

daagahminayin wrote:

Oh good! I am a great mom(sometimes!)

amother

Coral

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 5:01 pm

amother wrote:

I used to do the date thingy but found it just doesn't do it. I needed a day to day way to make my kids feel heard...date time would come and they'd forget it all!
No tips- I just try my best and there's a rule no interrupting. Also I get extra cleaning help (cuz we're loaded Wink

don't beat me- im the mother that says it's therapy or cleaning help...!)and cook simple so I can sit on the couch and listen.
But can I add to your rant...I spend 6k putting my kids into daycamp and I need to hear every detail of every show and ride!!!?! And I thought h.w. was tough!!!

SuperWify

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 5:12 pm

I have one but I definitely found (still do..) the adjustment of being a free person to being tied to his needs very difficult.

During the year when I work he’s in playgroup. By the time I come home I can manage to sit on the floor with him and play. Sometimes I’ll even be in my phone but as long as I’m there with him he’s happy.

He’s home with me in the summer. It’s a lot more difficult than I ever imagined. So... I take my baby to places that I enjoy. I go to the gym in the morning and leave by the babysitter there for an hour. Go for coffee with a friend for as long as he can handle.

In the afternoon I do an activity we both enjoy. I will sit in the library with a book while he plays with the toys there. Or go on a nice walk to a park I like. Or go with another family to the beach or sprinkler park.

I also leave him with DH and go do errands by myself when I need a break.

My main focus right now is to be calm and happy when Im with him and not to get distracted frustrated or annoyed.

I firmly believe that if a mother gets her needs taken care of (easier said then done...) she can be emotionally present for her kids.

amother

Coral

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 5:20 pm

SuperWify wrote:

[b]
Agreed with needs being met. When I have cleaning help my needs are met and I feel like I queen so I can give further. When I spend my days sweeping the floor or doing gazillion loads of laundry I'm too burnt out to care. I can't talk for everyone as we are in debt because of this choice.

SuperWify

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 5:24 pm

amother wrote:

Look I never have a cleaning lady but this Friday I felt I really needed one. The only lady who was available was expensive in the first place plus I had to pay her taxi fare. Nether the less it was the best thing I ever did for my family. I think it was he first Friday since I got married embarrassed

that I wasn’t frazzled and didn’t get upset at my husband or child for silly thing. I actually can’t I go shabbos fully dressed and very calm.

amother

Coral

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 5:31 pm

SuperWify wrote:

that I wasn’t frazzled and didn’t get upset at my husband or child for silly thing. I actually can’t I go shabbos fully dressed and very calm.

I'm feeling your joy!! LOL I'm obsessed with cleaning help. My 1 wig is old...my clothes mostly outdated...walls not painted...furniture old...but my house shines!!! I live with joy!! I love shabbos and yuntif and my children. I'm not a rag and I don't run around harried. I know I'm in debt because of it but yet I still feel I'm making the right choice.

SuperWify

Sun, Jul 22 2018, 5:47 pm

amother wrote:

I’m not ready to go into debt just yet but we’re working on a plan... instead of birthday presents or even weekly magazine subscriptions DH likes to gift me I’m thinking of making a “self care bank account” which I will use towards cleaning help babysitting and other things ...