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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
Iymnok
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 Sun, Jul 22 2018, 11:48 am
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | | You do realize realistically that that is not really the case, right? His test has nothing to do with your party. If he is already studying then one afternoon or a few hours here or there should not make THE difference. |
This.
Also he should learn better study habits. He has enough advanced warning to find a better time to "cram".
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amother
Olive
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Sun, Jul 22 2018, 11:55 am
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | | You do realize realistically that that is not really the case, right? His test has nothing to do with your party. If he is already studying then one afternoon or a few hours here or there should not make THE difference. |
Op here: oh, of course, I realize it's ridiculous. If he doesn't know it after months of study Aug. 26th and 27th aren't going to make any difference for a test on Aug. 28th.
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amother
Ivory
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Sun, Jul 22 2018, 3:22 pm
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I've asked a family member to change the date of their bar mitzva due to our wedding date and inability to reschedule for another 3 months . (Original day was not bo bayom) I paid for the bar mitzva the day later and bought the boy a huge gift . Had they not moved it I couldnt expect it. A booked event is a booked event . A test is not a good enough reason. You can never accommodate everyone.
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ILOVELIFE
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Sun, Jul 22 2018, 4:41 pm
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I find whenever there is a Simcha at least one person can’t make it. You will miss them but that’s it
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penguin
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Sun, Jul 22 2018, 5:27 pm
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Did you ask your daughter? Does she care if uncle comes? (Assuming, as mentioned, you can arranged transportation for sister in law & family?) Does she care if none of them come?
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Orchid
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Sun, Jul 22 2018, 8:34 pm
| amother wrote: | Op here: Thank you for your replies. Honestly, I feel like whatever we do it's going to be wrong for someone. My BIL has been studying for 5 months now. He keeps posting on FB all the events he is attending during August, in the weeks leading up to the test. If we do keep the date, he attends and fails it'll be all our fault. Don't know what to do.  |
When you mentioned how small the family was and how almost no other relatives will be there except for this uncle of the bas mitzva girl, I kind of wavered.
But then you posted about all the other events he will be attending in August. So.. to sum, he could (and plans on) attending many other events right before the test, just not your event; is that right?
Yeah, no, don't change the date.
And seriously- you will be blamed if he fails? Because a test he misses one study day for over 5 months hinges entirely on that one day? Are they normally this manipulative? Don't you dare accept that blame!
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amother
Beige
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Sun, Jul 22 2018, 9:48 pm
No, for two reasons--ones you've already wisely identified!
First, you delayed her bat mitzvah once because of them already. A second time clearly tells her that you value her less than your brother's family.
Second, everyone else has already made plans and changing the date will inconvenience them. That's not right. If your brother wants to change the date, then maybe he should contact everyone else who has been invited and see if it's OK with them. I bet he would not get a positive response. 
He and your SIL do not run your lives. They are adults and make their own choices. If they choose to not attend, that is on them 100%.
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essie14
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Sun, Jul 22 2018, 10:44 pm
OP, your children are still young. Iyh you will be making many smachot in the next 10+ years. You will learn that you can’t ever accommodate everyone.
Especially if someone’s doesn’t even have a good enough excuse, I wouldn’t change the date. It’s not like having surgery or something like that.
Enjoy DD’s bat mitzvah!
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Raisin
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Mon, Jul 23 2018, 2:41 am
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I doubt your dd needs her bil and her bas mitzva. Sil should figure out a way to get there on her own. Are there other people coming from that direction? Why exactly is public transport not an option?
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