Would you let someone else nurse your baby?

Duggie

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 11:34 pm

huh? I don't understand.

amother wrote:

side point- I heard this from a mom who nursed her mothers baby & mother nursed hers- that your not allowed to be meshadech. no clue if this is true or not- but so she said... (she said in her case it wouldn't ever come to that anyway cuz her baby was a boy & anyway wouldn't get married to an aunt).

trixx

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 12:04 am

I find it interesting that most of the responses are about the ick factor or about feeling possessive (huh? well my baby is now a toddler so maybe I just don't remember)

My only concern, wet-nurse aside, is medical. I'm not sure if I would accept donated breast milk (and I would sooner accept it straight from the source). Allergies, medications, blood type, I don't know how much is relevant or absorbed but that's what makes me nervous.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 12:06 am

amother wrote:

To answer the OP - no. I find it gross. I would rather give formula than someone else's milk.

I find formula gross - the smell, the taste.

I would rather not risk giving my child something that is hard on the gut if there is an alternative. Relying long-term on donated mother's milk is impractical, but if there was someone willing to nurse my child for a short time I would appreciate that greatly if there was a need.

BadTichelDay

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 2:13 am

amother wrote:

To answer the OP - no. I find it gross. I would rather give formula than someone else's milk.

... Entirely my sentiments. I wouldn't even use packaged donated breast milk. It "can" transmit diseases. And I find someone else's body fluids just yucky.
I realize that in the past there was often no alternative. But today, there are good quality kosher formulas easily available.
My kids all grew up on formula as I couldn't breastfeed. They are all okay. I'd again only use formula in any future case.

Rappel

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 2:15 am

amother wrote:

Sounds like a total bubbe mayseh to me. If anyone sees anything remotely like that in halacha, feel free to share.

It's a thing. I learned this years ago, so I don't remember sources. Gosh, let me try and remember...

If you adopt a child, it matters what age you adopt him. One age-group is children of nursing age - if you adopt at that age, then the child is considered completely yours.

If, on the other hand, you adopt an older child (say, 10 years old), then he may be allowed to marry one of his adopted sisters.

Debbie

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 2:24 am

BadTichelDay wrote:

I just want to say that I gave you a heart because I love your post.
I'm past the age of having more kids but if I was able to have more kids I wouldn't feel bad about giving them formula,I'm long done with the guilt trip!

amother

Blush

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 4:21 am

I'd 100% prefer breast milk than formula, if I wasn't able to nurse my baby, I'd feel that as a responsible mother it would be time to put my ego aside and give baby what's best. Formula can be hard on a baby's tummy and isn't best for them, and my babies don't get formula so I wouldn't risk exposing them to it.
As much as I prefer to nurse them myself if I couldn't I'd let someone else do it (if expressing and giving breast milk via a bottle wasn't an option.

relish

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 4:36 am

As I'm becoming more educated in health and wellness, in theory, I'm leaning toward breast milk only, even donated (if I know the donor), or another's breast.

In practice, I would only know when I have another baby. It's easy to talk, but practically is a different story.

I know that sugar, cakes and cookies are bad, but I still have them in the house. I do small steps to make my home healthier, but I feel that emotional health needs to be weighed very heavily. With breast milk, it's the same. In theory I would take someone else's. If the ick factor is too strong for me or dh, I would use formula. I think the bonding is more important, and the ick factor takes away from that bonding.

amother

Teal

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 5:12 am

Amother blush, there's no "risk" in "exposing" babies to formula! You make it sound like it's a terrible poison. Most babies do well on formula. There are so many types out there, plenty for sensitive tummies. You say you want to give what's best for baby. Your breastmilk is best for your baby, doesn't mean someone else's breastmilk is good for your baby, every body produces milk to fit their child's needs.
There's nothing wrong with giving babies formula & you don't need to make anyone feel guilty by doing so.

Debbie

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 5:26 am

amother wrote:

Thank you for posting this; I was trying to think how to respond to that post and I could not have put it better than you did.
The heart I gave was because I love your post!

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 6:53 am

amother wrote:

Infants have what is referred to as an "open gut." (https://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/delay-solids/)

There is nothing wrong with giving formula, but there is also sufficient evidence to say that mother's milk is more gentle on the system.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 7:13 am

It is a risk for developing allergies etc.

No guilt if it is necessary, I'd also give formula if warranted, but neither should you be saying that it is equally as healthy for baby as mother's milk. Especially for a short-term situation, a baby that is being exclusively nursed would be best served by someone offering to nurse baby or using donated mother's milk.

amother

Teal

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 7:25 am

Another crimson, if a baby has allergies, the baby just as well can't have breastmilk from another women, because only the baby's mom is off the foods baby is allergic to.
And yes, I'll say it again, formula is just as healthy. Actually, I wasn't able to nurse one of my babies, that child was almost never sick, was my happiest & best baby, and my only baby that slept through the night!

Bruria

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 8:54 am

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m.....Three viruses (CMV, HIV, and HTLV-I) frequently cause infection or disease as a result of breast-milk transmission. Reasonable guidelines have been pro-posed for when and how to avoid breast milk in the case of maternal infection. For other viruses, prophylactic immune therapy to protect the infant against all modes of transmission are indicated (VZV, varicella-zoster immunoglobulin, HAV and immunoglobulin, HBV, and HBIg + HBV vaccine). In most maternal viral infections, breast milk is not an important mode of transmission, and continuation of breastfeeding is in the best interest of the infant and mother (see Tables 2 and 3). Maternal bacterial infections rarely are complicated by transmission of infection to their infants through breast milk. In a few situations, temporary cessation of breastfeeding or the avoidance of breast milk is appropriate for a limited time (24 hours for N gonorrheae, H infiuenzae, Group B streptococci, and staphylococci and longer for others including B burgdorferi, T pallidum, and M tuberculosis). In certain situations, prophylactic or empiric therapy may be advised for the infant (eg, T pallidum, M tuberculosis, H influenzae) (see Table 1). Antimicrobial use by the mother should not be a reason not to breastfeed. Alternative regimens that are compatible with breastfeeding can be chosen to treat the mother effectively. In most cases of suspected infection in the breastfeeding mother, the delay in seeking medical care and making the diagnosis means the infant has been ex-posed already. Stopping breastfeeding at this time only deprives the infant of the nutritional and potential immunologic benefits. Breastfeeding or the use of expressed breast milk, even if temporarily suspended, should be encouraged and supported. Decisions about breast milk and infection should balance the potential risk compared with the innumerable benefits of breast milk.