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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Having a hard time coming to terms with medicating



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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 2:28 pm
My DS, age 10, entering 5th grade, has always had a hard time socially. He's super bossy, likes things his way, overreacts to kids "bothering him," never takes blame for anything. Impulsive ADHD. He's been through a few different therapists (floor time, psych, OT, now starting CBT) and he's definitely made improvements, but not quite as much as we'd like. Now he's starting to struggle in school - he's very bright and has always done extremely well academically, but now he's starting to lag. His principal is suggesting meds.

I know it's probably the right thing to do. I know it can help him succeed. I'm just really upset and can't explain why. Maybe I feel like I failed him? Maybe I'm just afraid of the whole getting the right med/dose/etc.? Maybe I'm just hormonal (I'm highly pregnant right now)? I'm sad for him and I don't have the koach to start the whole process right now. I'm scared of months of adjusting and readjusting until we find the right one, of side effects and everything.

Please someone make me feel better Crying I can't even articulate what's bothering me so much, I just know that this is really upsetting me and I'm sitting here crying. My other kids start coming home in the next hour and I just don't feel like dealing with anything right now.
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teachkids




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 2:53 pm
You are an excellent mother to have put that much work into him already. At this point, he needs some extra help "reining in his brain" to help those therapies take hold. Meds can help him both socially and academically as he settles down and learns how to incorporate the techniques he's learning in therapy. Do him a favor and try the meds and let him feel success.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 3:07 pm
do it! my problem is that my daughter needs it too and she refuses to take her meds.
I wish wish wish she would take it. I so badly want to help her. want to see her happy.
want to give her opportunity to be happier. its so hard having kids like this.
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 3:19 pm
Here's the other side of the story:

My mom didn't want to medicate my ADD brother. She kept putting it off, hoping he would be ok without it.

Well, now he's an older teen and refuses to take it. He's dropped out of high school and can't focus long enough to get a normal job. He would benefit so greatly from it.

Best thing is to start when they're younger and more agreeable to take it, so that even if they rebel during their teenage years and refuse the meds at some point, they'll have a reference point to fall back on and remember how it helped them when they took it.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 3:37 pm
I was very mixed on medication since I probably took every stimulant that existed in my childhood. While I benefited in many ways and I would not be where I am today if I had not taken the meds, there were still significant side effects. My husband was very against meds. His parents are much older and have a different worldview when it comes to these topics.

We compromised on non stimulant medication and it has worked so well B'H. My child is really a pleasure to be with. He is smart, kind, funny and really making progress in therapy.

I think my husband felt better when we used a medical practitioner that was whole child focused and not pushy. We use a developmental pediatrician instead of a neurologist or psychiatrist.

I have a brother in law with a variety of emotional challenges. He is extremely impulsive and really does not function in society. I am 99% sure that had my inlaws been more open minded and explored stimulant medication he would be a totally different person. Its such a nebach. I tell myself that I will never ever let my principles interfere with my childs ability to function and become a productive member of society. I have learned to take my emotions out of the equation. All that matters is my son. Its not about me.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 3:39 pm
I would be upset by this because a medical suggestion came from a non-medical professional (who has a vested interest in your child becoming easier to manage/teach).

What does your son say?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 3:47 pm
amother wrote:
I would be upset by this because a medical suggestion came from a non-medical professional (who has a vested interest in your child becoming easier to manage/teach).

What does your son say?


I hear how it could come across that way. The other way, is that the principle sees certain traits in the child that indicate that meds could make the child happier, and that an evaluation by a qualified professional is in order.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 3:49 pm
Coming from the other side of the desk I do say that if some of my students were medicated the school and the classroom would look very very different. It is very hard to accept the fact that a child may need something like Ritalin which every second kid is on Ritalin it's not like it's a bad thing. I feel that children need to sometimes be medicated because they can be impossible. being in a classroom with a child that has different disorders can be very disruptive to the classroom and then the child gets negative attention and then the child has bad image of himself and that causes low self-esteem and other problems if I were you I would try the medication for 12 months see if anything happens and you take it from there.
Wishing you luck
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 3:54 pm
amother wrote:
I would be upset by this because a medical suggestion came from a non-medical professional (who has a vested interest in your child becoming easier to manage/teach).

What does your son say?


I don't know which school op's child is in, but IME most mechanchim do have the child's best interests in mind when making this recommendation. It sounds like op actually agrees that this is something worth considering, but it can be overwhelming to work through the emotions involved.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 4:02 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
I hear how it could come across that way. The other way, is that the principle sees certain traits in the child that indicate that meds could make the child happier, and that an evaluation by a qualified professional is in order.


Right - and for all I know OP is using shortcuts to describe the conversation with the principal.

Personally I'd be more receptive to 'Ima - we know that you've been working with your son to manage his ADHD - we're concerned that current methods aren't sufficient based on what we are seeing. What might your next steps be'.

Anyway - again I'm inserting myself into this to think about reasons why I might be 'upset' by what is happening- even if I agree in my heart with the suggestion.

Of course other reasons I'd be upset would include loads of selfdoubt over the path taken to date, and general concerns about medications.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 4:13 pm
Thanks for all of your replies. I’m feeling better already, the power of a good cry LOL

Trust me, if the school was just out to make their lives easier, they’d have suggested this years ago. He has made a lot of progress but it’s just not enough. And it has been suggested by various therapists over the years.

I guess at this point I’m just overwhelmed. He’s not an easy kid to say the least, all of my kids are adorable yet challenging, and I’m due any minute. I guess I was sort of hoping to have some downtime from his school related issues while dealing with a newborn before school starts again... I just want to let someone else deal with this.

We haven’t discussed it with him, I want to talk to his therapist and doctor first.
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amother
Jade


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 4:15 pm
My son started meds before 7 grade. The psychiatrist put him on antianxiety meds short term and said he felt add was his underlying cause. If we choose not to medicate chances are as a teenager he will self medicate with drugs or alcohol.
We notice a difference in 3 days. He was able to cocentrate and read. He started reading and his grades improved.
He bh is doing beautifully. He already graduated college. At one point he wanted to decrease his dose. As he was an adult the dr let. After a week he admitted that the experiment failed and he went back to his original dose.
I trully feel medication helped him become a functioning adult.
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anonymrs




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 4:17 pm
amother wrote:
Coming from the other side of the desk I do say that if some of my students were medicated the school and the classroom would look very very different. It is very hard to accept the fact that a child may need something like Ritalin which every second kid is on Ritalin it's not like it's a bad thing. I feel that children need to sometimes be medicated because they can be impossible. being in a classroom with a child that has different disorders can be very disruptive to the classroom and then the child gets negative attention and then the child has bad image of himself and that causes low self-esteem and other problems if I were you I would try the medication for 12 months see if anything happens and you take it from there.
Wishing you luck


Something is wrong with this.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 6:55 pm
anonymrs wrote:
Something is wrong with this.


Agreed.

Thank you Jade for your reply, that is heartening. I just had a really rotten day and am feeling down about this.

Has anyone had a smooth ride on meds? Like it wasn’t a huge deal to find the right med and dose?
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 7:11 pm
I have 2 kids on meds. Getting the right dose went really easily. The MD started with a really low dose, when that didnt help-we just increased the dose. Within a week or 2 we were set. Stimulants work really quickly and its clear whether or not they are working within a few minutes. They are similar to Tylenol in that way.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 7:32 pm
Thank you! Would you recommend starting in the summer or will it be harder to tell if it’s effective then?
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 8:13 pm
As a mother of 2 children on medication for ADHD, I view it as a necessary evil. The meds helped my kids function socially and academically and there is no way they would have succeeded or functioned in a classroom without it. Unfortunately all of the medications have side effects. What is most critical is to get a top doctor who will work with you and your child to find what works best for your child with the fewest negative effects.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 9:07 pm
B'sha'ah tovah!

I have a lot of experience with kids with ADHD. We have experience with a whole lot of approaches, from diet to neurofeedback to counseling, but find medication to be the key ingredient.

Let me tell you a bit about what to expect, maybe it will put your mind at ease.

The usual first trial is with methylphenidate (Ritalin), which comes in different forms that last different lengths of time, as well as different dosages. It's taken in the morning.

The typical path is for a patient to take the smallest dose for a few days. This is often too little to see a full effect, but lets everyone see how the medication is tolerated, whether there are any side effects. If all goes well, the dose is gradually increased to the minimum that is needed to be effective.

One typical effect of stimulant meds is the "rebound effect." As the medication begins to wear off, the patient can become extra hyper, extra irritable. If this happens to your DS, tell the doctor, as there are ways to treat it.

Other doctors will begin by prescribing guanfacine (Tenex, Intuniv), which can calm impulsivity. It's typically given in the evenings, as it can sometimes make kids a bit more tired.

Time spent in medication trials is usually not so terrible. Most kids with an ADHD diagnosis will respond well to these medications. The fine tuning is to see if you can find something that works even better, but usually, life has already significantly improved, so it's not a huge tircha.

Hang in there! Your life may be about to get a lot easier.

And feel free to PM me with more questions or concerns, if you want.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 9:18 pm
Thank you so much imasinger, that really really makes me feel better! Maybe now this baby will decide to make its appearance Wink
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