Building up emotional maturity in kids

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 9:11 am

How can I help dd, 4 1/2 who cries extremely easily & is very sensitive in general. its like everyone is out to get her Sad

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I keep on telling her how much I love her & trying to build her confidence but looking for ideas on how to build her up more.

Please share, thank you!

teachkids

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 9:18 am

Try to have her list 3 good things at the end of each day, either ways people helped her, or things that made her feel good, or even things she's looking forward to, as a way of building up positivity. (You might want to start with 1 and build up)

Aylat

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 11:51 am

My youngest can be a bit like that.

4 yo DS, crying: Moshe called me stupid!!
Me: Is that true? Are you stupid?
DS, thinks for a moment: No.
Me: Right, of course you're not stupid. You're pretty clever actually. You know how to X, and you do great Y.
DS thinks, nods.
Me: You don't need to listen if someone says something not true. He doesn't know. [Laugh, like, how ridiculous!] You know you're clever. Want a hug before you go back to play?

Another example:
DS, crying: Ari's sticking his tongue out at me.
Me: That's annoying. [In a whisper.] I'm going to tell you a secret. Do you know what "ignoring" means? It means you pretend they're not there. Like you can't see the silly thing they're doing. Then they can't annoy you. Do you want to try it? It takes practice, come back and tell me if you manage.

Stars

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 12:59 pm

I have zero tolerance for whining.

"Repeat that in your big boy voice."

Also

"Shua keeps stepping on my toe"

Even if it is said in a mature tone of voice, I'll say
"Can you nicely ask Shua to stop stepping on your toes?"
instead of getting involved in petty fights, I give them the words to be able to resolve it on their own. Usually works.

pizza4

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 2:38 pm

My daughter is also like this and usually she cant even hear reason when I try with the above or similar reactions. She'll just cry and scream and I hold her but it takes her so long to calm down. Sometimes she purposely bothers her siblings and then comes crying when they bother her right back. Would love to hear more...

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 7:45 pm

mommmmmmmmmmy wrote:

Try giving her chores. Things she can do. Maybe peel a potato for cholent... Building her up with actual appreciation not just kind words tend to build self esteem and maturity. Speak to her maturely. Discuss your feelings openly and calmly. Like frustrations etc

we've been doing that for a while. don't see it making a difference though Sad

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 7:55 pm

Op here again.

she's not a very whiny child in general (that her older sister takes the cake).

She just cries. a lot. I see it often when like if she falls she will immediately start crying (to the point of almost losing her breath), as if this is the worst thing ever happened. she goes hysterical & gets annoyed/frustrated quite fast for any silly thing.

For example, if she would get to school late & her class would not be in the room she would start crying right away instead of going to office to find out where her class is.

its like crying is immediate response to anything happening & once you talk to her she'll calm down right away & problem solve. she's a very bright kid ke'h but this is a big shvachkeit of her that causes lots of tension.

she doesn't even fight much with the other kids at home. she's generally a good kid & people pleaser with a heart of gold.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Jul 24 2018, 7:59 pm

teachkids wrote:

I'm going to try it (though little bit skeptical will work for her issue) but at least will be'H hopefully build up positivity in home that I would love!

as I explained up-thread, her main issue is the immediate crying reaction. as if she has a switch that with the blink of an eye gets turned on.

amother

Olive

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 5:07 am

I had the same issue with my 3 1/2 year old. I reached out to a professional who recommended Bach drops. Sounded weird but I was desperate. It worked like magic. You buy the drops (most health stores sell) and mix up your own bottle with water and give to child a few times a day.