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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants
How do you all do it??
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 3:40 pm
I have a 6 week old baby who was very much longed for and anticipated. I love her to pieces. But I'm so, so tired. I am not functioning. I had to go back to work already (full time) and I'm not coping. I want to feel like a human again. I can't get anything done either because I'm too tired, too wired or taking care of her. I need to go shopping but I can't get myself together and I won't have clothing for her for yt because of this. I feel like crying from tiredness. I just want to have one uninterrupted sleep. I am trying to find help during the day but I'm so worried about taking in outside help for someone so precious to me and I'm having a hard time finding someone good anyway. This is not PPD. On days that I sleep I feel good and happy and like I can do this. On days like today, when I'm trying to work on little sleep and she just cries and cries from tiredness but refuses to go to sleep, I just feel so tense. When does this get easier? When do babies start sleeping more than 2 1/2 hours at a time at night?

How do people do this with multiple children?
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 3:45 pm
Is your husband getting up overnight too? If not, he should be. You need to alternate so you each get a stretch of sleep, especially since you're back at work. If you're nursing, pump so that your husband can give pumped milk overnight.

(Some babies start to sleep good stretches at 6-8 weeks. Some don't. Hang in there)
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Stars




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 3:47 pm
It gets easier. Working full time one top of being a full time mom to a newborn is REALLY HARD. Sending hugs your way.
YT clothing shouldn't be a worry right now. See if you can order some stuff on Ali express or wherever.
Can your husband give one bottle a night so you can get one stretch of five hours at least?
Try to go to sleep early. 8:30 even, if that's necessary.
Use plastic. Lots of plastic.
Is it possible to get some cleaning help? Even if just two hours, for the bathroom and the dishes and the main area floors.
Everything non essential can wait until your baby sleeps slightly longer stretches.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 3:48 pm
Always remember that though most mothers look like they're managing, the majority feel like you. The newborn stage is insane. Absolutely insane.

Keep calm, eat chocolate, take a long shower and remember she will grow up. Hang in there Mama!
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 3:53 pm
Stars wrote:
It gets easier. Working full time one top of being a full time mom to a newborn is REALLY HARD. Sending hugs your way.
YT clothing shouldn't be a worry right now. See if you can order some stuff on Ali express or whereever.
Can your husband give one bottle a night so you can get one stretch of five hours at least?
Try to go to sleep early. 8:30 even, if that's necessary.
Use plastic. Lots of plastic.
Is it possible to get some cleaning help? Even if just two hours, for the bathroom and the dishes and the main area floors.
Everything non essential can wait until you baby sleeps slightly longer stretches.


My husband is so tired too. He gets up early and has a very demanding job so I feel bad asking for his help. I'm also worried that skipping a feeding will make me get my period back.

I'm not overwhelmed with the cleaning (although cooking supper is hard for me). I just need to sleep and feel good again. I was always so strong and capable and feel like I can't get it together. I want to go to sleep early at night but my husband gets home very late and I can't even take a shower until he's home to babysit. I'm going to sleep at 12-1 every night and then getting up every 2 1/2 hours. It's hard!
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 3:54 pm
Definitely worth it for me to have my period and feel like a human vs nurse clean and feel like a dishrag.
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 3:55 pm
amother wrote:
Definitely worth it for me to have my period and feel like a human vs nurse clean and feel like a dishrag.


Did that one feeding make the difference?
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 3:58 pm
Six weeks old I've read is the height of crying (for a non colicky baby). It will get easier.

As for the rest of it - can't help. I didn't go back to work for a year.
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 4:00 pm
amother wrote:
My husband is so tired too. He gets up early and has a very demanding job so I feel bad asking for his help. I'm also worried that skipping a feeding will make me get my period back.

I'm not overwhelmed with the cleaning (although cooking supper is hard for me). I just need to sleep and feel good again. I was always so strong and capable and feel like I can't get it together. I want to go to sleep early at night but my husband gets home very late and I can't even take a shower until he's home to babysit. I'm going to sleep at 12-1 every night and then getting up every 2 1/2 hours. It's hard!


Respectfully: you and your husband both created this child. You both work. You both need to get up in middle of the night

And re: your period. As the old saying goes, you can have it all, but not necessarily at the same time. You have to decide what's more important to you: sleep or no period. To me, it's a no brainer. Sleep is a basic human need.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 4:03 pm
It’s hard no matter how much you wanted and waited for the baby. You’re allowed to cry from tiredness or any other reason. Ask for help and accept any offers of help. Vent vent vent, even if only online. This time is special but also very hard and it’s okay if your baby doesn’t dress nice for Yom tov, or ever. My first baby wore onesies 24/7 until he was several months old. If it was basically clean and basically fit that was enough. Your sanity takes priority over all the little niceties. Hang in there, and Mazal tov!
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Stars




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 4:03 pm
amother wrote:
My husband is so tired too. He gets up early and has a very demanding job so I feel bad asking for his help. I'm also worried that skipping a feeding will make me get my period back.

I'm not overwhelmed with the cleaning (although cooking supper is hard for me). I just need to sleep and feel good again. I was always so strong and capable and feel like I can't get it together. I want to go to sleep early at night but my husband gets home very late and I can't even take a shower until he's home to babysit. I'm going to sleep at 12-1 every night and then getting up every 2 1/2 hours. It's hard!


Are you using nursing as birth control? Please don't use nursing as birth control. Not reliable, and one of the most stressful "methods" around. Please call a rav for a heter, the sooner the better.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 4:04 pm
When my last baby was born, I had no choice but to give up my job. I just wasn't functioning, my child before baby was 15 months old not walking yet. I was in a daze & literllay collapsed at work.
So OP, is it possible for you to cut your hours at work? Try catch a quick nap after DH comes home from work. Do you have older kids so you can designate chores? Maybe hire a mothers helper or high school girl to help you in the afternoon/evening so you can get some shut eye. And remember, not everyone manages! Even the most put together looking women! It's ok!
Loads of luck!
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 4:23 pm
OP, it's sooo hard. Really. If anyone here makes it sound easy they deserve loads of tomatoes thrown at them.
Try some of the trips and tricks above. Don't dismiss the old crazy ladies here.

We don't know how we do it. Somehow we manage and then do it again!
It really does get better and they really are worth it.
Small bits of self care and patience will get you to a sane zone soon!

Mazal Tov and Hatzlacha
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simcha2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 4:41 pm
It's hard. But don't make it harder.

-Your baby will be ok in the crib for a few minutes while you shower.

- I know it's cliche, but sleep (or rest) when the baby is sleeping. If that means lying down for half an hour at 6pm, do it.

-don't worry about what your baby will be wearing in a few weeks! That's what Amazon 2 day delivery is for. (And remember that's for you, she'll be perfectly happy in a stretchy).

-don't expect to feel like yourself until 3 months (or for some women much longer). Not meeting expectations feels like failure, so change the expectation!

-try and enjoy!

Mazal Tov and much nachas.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 4:53 pm
I think it’s hard for everyone. I would shower and go to sleep earlier. You can put the baby down and let her cry while you shower. What do you think single parents do? You need your sleep
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amother
Purple


 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 5:14 pm
amother wrote:
My husband is so tired too. He gets up early and has a very demanding job so I feel bad asking for his help. I'm also worried that skipping a feeding will make me get my period back.

I'm not overwhelmed with the cleaning (although cooking supper is hard for me). I just need to sleep and feel good again. I was always so strong and capable and feel like I can't get it together. I want to go to sleep early at night but my husband gets home very late and I can't even take a shower until he's home to babysit. I'm going to sleep at 12-1 every night and then getting up every 2 1/2 hours. It's hard!


Why can't you shower until he is home to babysit? I had a baby monitor that would light up when the baby made noise, in addition to the speaker. That way, I could put baby down to sleep, then hop in the shower and keep an eye on the monitor to know if baby woke.

Also, 6 weeks is the peak hard time, in my opinion. Right when you feel like you can't take it anymore, things get better, baby sleeps longer, gets on a more predictable schedule.

For your sanity, streamline your life - as another poster said - order things on Amazon. Get things delivered. Minimize tasks and make things easy on yourself. Simplify, simplify, simplify.

It gets better.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 5:16 pm
amother wrote:
I have a 6 week old baby who was very much longed for and anticipated. I love her to pieces. But I'm so, so tired. I am not functioning. I had to go back to work already (full time) and I'm not coping. I want to feel like a human again. I can't get anything done either because I'm too tired, too wired or taking care of her. I need to go shopping but I can't get myself together and I won't have clothing for her for yt because of this. I feel like crying from tiredness. I just want to have one uninterrupted sleep. I am trying to find help during the day but I'm so worried about taking in outside help for someone so precious to me and I'm having a hard time finding someone good anyway. This is not PPD. On days that I sleep I feel good and happy and like I can do this. On days like today, when I'm trying to work on little sleep and she just cries and cries from tiredness but refuses to go to sleep, I just feel so tense. When does this get easier? When do babies start sleeping more than 2 1/2 hours at a time at night?

How do people do this with multiple children?

It's So. So. So. Hard. Hug
I think it took me 5 months.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 5:19 pm
OP, where are you located? Maybe we can help you figure out what resources to utilize and come up with some tools which can help you all cope better.
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 8:28 pm
OP, I am here with you. I have a 9 week old and I'm going back to work next week. I am dreading it. I have no idea how you went back at 6 weeks. My children were conceived through IVF so you know they were wanted. Many days I cry just because I am so tired. I function (partially) only because I nap during the day. I dream about sleep.

I agree with the other posters. Worrying about your period should be the last thing. A human being needs sleep to function. I let my baby sleep as long as she can at night. I never wake her during the night for a feeding.

I did have a baby nurse for a week and it gave me a chance to rest. It's something to think about. Or are there teenagers in your neighborhood that are home for the summer and can come over in the evening so you can nap for a couple of hours?

It does get better but I find the newborn stage pure hell.

ETA: one of the best things I bought is a baby monitor (video with sound). When I shower when I'm home alone with the baby, I take it into the bathroom with me so I can hear if she's crying. And by the way, it's ok if she cries for a few minutes while you shower. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I just have to walk out of the room and let her cry a little or I feel like I'll explode. It's ok.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 24 2018, 10:06 pm
Perhaps hire help ... at least two mornings a week. Have her watch your baby while you're around the house but doing other things- showering, resting, etc. If she isn't someone you feel comfortable with within a few weeks, look for someone else... until you find the right person for you. Since you'll be around the house the whole time, you can slowly adjust to having her care for the baby, a little at a time, until you're totally comfortable with her.

Depending on the going rate in your area, the cost for this would vary. Assuming it's $12 an hour, and you have help twice a week for 3 hours each, that would run you $72 dollars weekly. Not exorbitant.

Good Luck!
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