11 yr old tears up at everything

amother

Lilac

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 10:21 am

Is it normal that my 11 year old
Son will still tear up at the slightest disappointment or anything? Seems so immature that he gets upset at even the smallest thing that doesn’t go his way or the way he expected. And if it isn’t normal how can I help him “grow up” a bit.

zgp

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 10:30 am

It is so special that he is so sensitive. Yidden are rachmanim. This is a real Jewish midda.

Having said that try the following together with him.
Draw up a thermometer on a piece of paper. Colour it red at the top going down to blue. At the top write something which is really devastating eg someone is niftar. At the bottom write something really not terrible eg didn't like supper (or whatever is ok for him).

Each time he gets upset ask him to write in where it falls on his thermometer. He will soon learn to grade his disappointment.

Once he can grade his feeling, ask him about response. When someone is niftar, we mourn for a year. When we don't like supper we make a face. What would be the appropriate response if we missed a big trip? etc.

Just out of curiosity, is he sensitive to sensory stuff as well? is he imaginative?

amother

Lilac

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 10:37 am

Thank you for reframing my thinking into a good midda rather than “he can be so annoying!”
He isn’t very imaginative I don’t think. He’ll build LEGO but not play with it after like his brothers do. And yes he is sensitive to other things. If someone is humming he’ll tell
Them to stop or if they are listening to music or a camp hotline on speakerphone he’ll get annoyed at the sound. (But if he is the one doing this then it’s fine ..)

zgp

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 11:25 am

Try the thermometer idea in different settings. It works wonders with the over reactive kids because it puts things in proportion for them.

Google "overexcitabilities" and see if it works for you

zgp

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 11:27 am

Along with intensity, one typically finds in gifted individuals an extreme sensitivity–to emotions, sounds, touch, taste, etc. These children may burst into tears while watching a sad event on the evening news, keenly hear fluorescent lights, react strongly to smells, insist on having the tags removed from their shirts, must touch everything, or are overly reactive to touch in a tactile-defensive manner.

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 1:08 pm

Zgp basically just described me Smile

I am very sensitive to sensory stimuli and also get emotional very easily. I was like this my whole life and always found it very frustrating. I hated myself for it. Now I'm in therapy and learning various skills. It's so important for him to not feel embarrassed about this side of him, and to accept that it's ok to be sensitive even if he works on changing his thoughts to be happier overall.

zgp

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 1:11 pm

not just ok - special! Super sensitive people have a lot of maalos! It is a tricky gift to live with but if you can learn to control it instead of it controlling you, it is a big bracha

amother

Indigo

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 1:24 pm

I know I know...
I may be overcautious or ridiculous,
but if this is NEW behavior
please make sure that no one is molesting him
anywhere, anyplace.

amother

Lavender

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 2:11 pm

Whatever you do, please don't invalidate his feelings. He has to know that it's okay to feel whatever he's feeling. (I'm not saying you ARE, just want to put that out there.)

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 8:42 pm

zgp wrote:

Yes. This is him Minus the tags. He’s never had an issue with that. He is very resistant to going to therapy (wanted him to go to speech therapy and has to bribe him for that year). What type of therapy would he need anyway or should I just leave it alone?

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 10:21 pm

Don't start with therapy at this point. Is he intellectually gifted? If so, you need to speak to a specialist in gifted kids to work out how to help him.

amother

Red

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 10:41 pm

I think Somatic work would help him. But mostly - you, as parents, learning more about sensitive people. HSP.
As others said. See this as a positive thing. A gift. Focus on the positive. Love and support him. As his mother you can do so much for him .... it all lies in your attitude...
Signed by an HSP