Daughter homesick in sleepaway camp. What to do?

Iamamother2

Mon, Aug 06 2018, 10:08 am

My daughter is homesick in sleep-away camp. It's her first year and 13 years old. She has fun at times and the counsellors and staff are not concerned but she wants to go home. She says she doesn't like camp and is bored.
When she gets bored she thinks about home. She's been there for a week and a half. What would you do? Would you give in or tell her to stick it thru?

Iamamother2

Mon, Aug 06 2018, 10:37 am

She said that they have a lot of free time. It's a famous camp that's been around for decades so I think they know how to keep them busy...just she said she's bored.

Greenbelle

Mon, Aug 06 2018, 10:57 am

it seems to me that a 13 y/o knows weather she is happy or not.
She should just be reminded that she'll be bored at home too...
the decision should be hers.

I once forced my 8 y/o to stay in camp for 3 weeks.
her cousins were going and I never wanted to send her in the first place but the deal was that she'd stick out the 3 weeks.
Mistake.
She remembers it till today and she's all grown up.
When she was 12 she went again and came home a day later.
I never sent her again until she was a teenager and staying wasn't an issue.
I hope the camp will refund your money.

thunderstorm

Mon, Aug 06 2018, 11:01 am

Bored may mean she doesn't have friends. Camp is the opposite of boring. Other than rest hour and Shabbos after the Seuda there is usually no time to be bored.
If she cries non stop than I'd take her home. Otherwise I'd encourage her to stick it out. I was lonely my first year in camp. It's an adjustment and I was homesick too. But I stayed and every year after I LOVED camp. Each kid is different . But I would find out what she means by "bored" and if it's a lack of friends

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Aug 06 2018, 11:07 am

Iamamother2 wrote:

She said that they have a lot of free time. It's a famous camp that's been around for decades so I think they know how to keep them busy...just she said she's bored.

Ok. Bored and homesick IMHO are different items - but ya - if the camp isn’t figuring out ways to keep her busy, she’s not enjoying whatever girls do together during free time - what’s the point?

ra_mom

Mon, Aug 06 2018, 11:11 am

Did you discuss the possibility of homesickness before she went to camp? Did she go with a good friend? Has she ever been away for a week on her own, and how did she handle it? How is she with transitions in general? Does she have coping skills and know how to comfort herself? How does she handle disappointments in general?

I think it's important to have a real conversation with her and find out what's really going on. When is/was visiting day? In person would be great to see how she is in the environment, ask her about her friends, her counselors, what her days are like. Is she being bullied or singled out, not included? Involved in an unhealthy relationship?

If she's miserable she shouldn't be forced to stay. We need to be there for out kids. Maybe she wasn't ready for camp and needs more skills before she goes again. But if it's really just boredom (I doubt it is) maybe she just needs some encouragement to learn how to stick things out and learn how to deal with downtime (and/or no screen time).

amother

Natural

Mon, Aug 06 2018, 11:18 am

Maybe send her a gameboy or her favorite music on an MP3 player. She might not be bored, just plain homesick and therefore looks at activities as boring. Maybe a taste of familiarity will tone her emotions. Maybe some books can help too.

If her counselors think she's fine, I wouldn't worry. It'll get better every day. My daughter was the same and was totally fine by the end of second week.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Aug 06 2018, 12:43 pm

Are you talking about Camp Bais Yaakov? I went there as a kid. I also didn’t enjoy the program- it’s too structured and boring. Their TC program is amazing, but the younger kids divisions are really not so fun.