Guests- timely responses,how many people are coming? etc.

Alexandra1

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 1:59 pm

I feel that people may not be aware that timely responses for invites affect others: Sometimes when I invite guests for Shabbos, the guests take a day or two to get back to me. I understand if there is a situation when they do not know yet if they can come. However, I have had people respond back to me that they knew they could /could not come, but figured they would call/text me later or the next day.why wait? I feel if you know, let me know. It often affects who else I invite and how much food to buy.Also, I feel uncomfortable inviting guests for Shabbos at the last minute(wed. or thurs.). Also, if a child or two is not coming, please let me know. I often ask a single person or a couple who is alone to join us and I sometimes can't do that bec. of space. However, if you let me know is someone is not coming, I may be able to invite some one who may be alone. Any one else experience this often? any suggestions? Thank you

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 2:06 pm

I hear you. It can be frustrating. Two guests asked if they could come for this Shabbos on Monday, even though we just moved and I’m heavily pregnant. But I wanted to help them out so I said yes, and started planning, buying and cooking early in the week so I could manage it all. I also arranged a lunch meal for them at our neighbors. Then last night they cancelled - so pretty annoying, and in this situation they really aren’t even cancelling too close to Shabbos. But I’m kind of relieved as well that they aren’t coming.

When I’m inviting people for Shabbos sometimes I’ll ask them to confirm with me by a certain time, and that usually helps.

bestme

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 2:15 pm

Many times my guest will take a long time to let me know if they are coming. I also get annoyed about the late response. Sometimes by the time they answer me that they are not coming, I call someone else and they say "I just cooked my food for shabbos, if you would of invited me a few hours earlier then I would have really wanted to come". I sometimes will tell the person that I am inviting to please let me know as soon as possible and then they let me know much faster if they are coming or not coming.

zaq

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 3:09 pm

OP I hear you loud and clear. This is one of my pet peeves. In close to 40 years I have not figured out a solution other than saying “if you don’t get back to me by X day I will assume you’re not coming.” There are people I stopped inviting because they don’t commit till the last minute. Granted I’ve become more flexible, and I know not to bother calling some people till Thursday because they will never commit earlier. Because, you know, between then and now they may meet the love of their life, be spotted by a Hollywoood talent scout, be called by the President to mediate a top-level meeting between Israel and Saudi Arabia...

Ema of 5

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 3:41 pm

I think it depends what people are used to. In our house, people can tell me on Friday afternoon that they are coming, or my husband may bring some people home from shul. I’m totally ok with it. I often don’t invite people until Wednesday.
I think if people are used to getting last minute answers, that is how they will be. If hey are used to getting more timely answers, that is how they will be. We don’t usually finalize plans before Thursday, unless is a family simcha which we knew about in advance.

animeme

Wed, Aug 08 2018, 3:57 pm

After I check with dh, I answer the person who invited us. But sometimes, when we have already said we are coming, one of my kids gets an invite out for the meal and the kid has no peer at the host so we let them go. I tell the host as soon as I know, but if the invite happens on Shabbos, they may not find out until we show up.

Alexandra1

Thu, Aug 09 2018, 12:37 pm

animeme wrote:

But sometimes, when we have already said we are coming, one of my kids gets an invite out for the meal and the kid has no peer at the host so we let them go. I tell the host as soon as I know, but if the invite happens on Shabbos, they may not find out until we show up.

I totally understand when a child finds a play date in shul and going to have lunch with the friend.I am talking about when parents know before Shabbos. They don't always let me know. People may not realize that if I have 3 families coming and 1-2 child(ren) from each family does not come, that is anywhere from 3-6 unoccupied seats. As I mentioned earlier, these seats can be used for people who may be by themselves or another family whom I wanted to invite. Also, the table is set before my guests arrive and then I have to take the settings away and rearrange seats.