Seminary Girls & Yeshiva Boys at Meal in Hotel

amother

Seashell

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 1:06 pm

When hosting your daughters friends at Yom Tov meal in hotel would you find it okay to invite your friend’s sons to the same meal? The boys mothers asked for meals for their sons. I don’t know if it’s appropiate because I have no sons that age. There will be a higher ratio of girls because my daughter wants her friends at meal.
These girls are in a Bais Yaakov style seminary and these boys wear black hats but not ultra yeshivish.

groovy1224

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 1:11 pm

First of all, it's really nice of you to be hosting anyone at all for meals in a hotel!!

In my experience, when hosting BY type seminary girls or yeshiva boys, typically the host has one gender or the other. I don't think there's an official rule on the matter, but from what I've seen it's just not 'done'.

naturalmom5

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 1:16 pm

I remember a long time ago, there were these hotels in the Catskills.. They had meals like that all the time.. It was terrible. The boys and girls were all talking to each other.

Then they became friendly with each other, and many married, and had children and grandchildren..

They built something.. Its called Flatbush..

leah233

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 1:32 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

The people who built the schools and shuls in Flatbush for the most part didn't meet their spouses in hotels in the Catskills.

There were in fact plenty of people who met their spouse in such venues (and Brooklyn college) but they weren't the ones who went on to build the schools and shuls.

I would support having more singles events but boys and girls plain mingling rarely leads to good results.

Purple2

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 1:45 pm

Natural mom, not sure where you’re getting you’re revisionist history from. As far as I can see from this site you’re definitely not from my old time, ffb going to The Catskills background.

naturalmom5

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 1:47 pm

camp wrote:

Natural mom, not sure where you’re getting you’re revisionist history from. As far as I can see from this site you’re definitely not from my old time, ffb going to The Catskills background.

I read this in an Art Scroll book.. If you can't trust Art Scroll , who can you trust Very Happy

amother

Seashell

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 1:50 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

This will be in Israel while they are in Seminary or Yeshiva

groovy1224

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 1:51 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

What does this have to do with anything? The fact that lots of couples have met at mixed meals means that nobody ever is allowed to prefer separate meals?

Doesn't seem like OP is implying that meals with both young men and young ladies = instant recipe for a hormone driven frat party. Just that there are societal norms (which, yes, you may disagree with. That's okay.), and she wants to respect them. Live and let live.

leah233

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 1:54 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

I read this in an Art Scroll book.can you trust Very Happy

Really? Which one?

The most I can see an Artscroll book writing is that "until Rabbi X came around it was common for boys and girls to meet in Catskills...He then brought them to a level where they realized on their own how unacceptable such behavior was"

Last edited by leah233 on Sat, Aug 25 2018, 9:38 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Seashell

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 1:56 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

Thank you! I want everyone to feel comfortable. I am hosting girls because they are my daughters friends. I am wondering by putting one or two yeshiva boys is normal. I am being pressured to have them.
This is nothing to do with the Catskills 30 years ago.

mommish613

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 2:15 pm

amother wrote:

Can you designate a couple of meals to have the boys but no daughter's friends? Like this you can tell your friends "we are having girls for most meals but your son is welcome to come for x and y meals"

Just as an aside when I was in sem I loved those mixed meals lol but they mostly happened by accident

trixx

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 2:17 pm

To answer your actual question, no it's not OK if they are in sem/yeshiva. First of all the seminary itself may disapprove, mine would not have allowed me to go to an official mixed meal. The kids may feel uncomfortable and even if they know in advance how are they supposed to find another meal. And lastly they are in school system, if they were young singles I'm all for it but they're not.

amother

White

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 2:41 pm

OP, I don't think it's appropriate to have 1 or 2 yeshiva boys at a meal where You'll be hosting girls. Besides for that the boys will feel uncomfortable, the school is responsible for the girls & they trust whoever invites them for meals that it'll be appropriate.

amother

Seashell

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 3:13 pm

mommish613 wrote:

We don’t want guests all the meals. Its quite expensive. Second, my daughter alone at the table with us and one or two yeshiva guys might make her uncomfortable. The rest of our children are much younger.

amother

Seashell

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 3:39 pm

amother wrote:

OP, if you don't have older boys, why do you want to host boys for meals?

I don’t want to. These boys mothers keep on calling me. I am friendly with the mothers but not close friends.

amother

White

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 3:40 pm

So why can't you tell the moms that you can't have boys at meals because you have an older girl & no boys?

ahuva06

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 3:51 pm

When I lived in Israel I almost always had bochurim over for shabbos and yt meals. If seminary girls requested to come I would either arrange a meal where there'd be no boys or I would have to turn them down. I felt bad but I didn't feel it appropriate to host both at the same meal. If I were you I would not have the boys. (it's easier for boys to find meals than girls, so I doubt they will be stranded...)
Either way it's very nice of you to host anyone at all in a hotel.

amother

Seashell

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 3:59 pm

amother wrote:

So why can't you tell the moms that you can't have boys at meals because you have an older girl & no boys?

They are not taking no for answer. They feel its our responsibility to host their kid for at least one meal. If I have to host everybody’s child that I once said hello to it would cost me thousands of dollars.