Sleeping arrangements - who is crazy here?!

amother

Crimson

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 10:09 pm

On our next visit to my parents' house, my mother's plan is to put us (myself and DH) in a connecting room with my 20-year-old sister on the other side of the door. The only way out or in to our room would be through her room. No bathroom in the room, so we would have to leave for that purpose.

She says that although she doesn't really think it's necessary, she'll put a room divider around my sister's bed.

Totally inappropriate, right?!?!

singleagain

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 10:21 pm

When I was a kid my room had two doors, one was to a bathroom that connected to my parents room, and the other was to my brothers' room that connected to the hall. I used to always use my brothers' room, bc I felt like it'd be totally taboo to go through my parents room. There were lots of uncomfortableness... Thank God, when we were renovating the house, we have my room an out into the hallway.... I don't understand why houses were built with connecting rooms with no hallway access. But I would never want to be in that situation again.

amother

Teal

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 10:22 pm

So nice mom has room for you to stay in when you visit her!

Situation not ideal - but totally workable. I'm sure you can establish some little 'rules' to make this work out.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 10:32 pm

animeme wrote:

What are the alternatives?

One of my other siblings could sleep in the connecting room, and we could take their room.

My 20-year-old sister could share with another sister, and we could use both of the connecting rooms.

The rooms didn't used to be connected!! They actually renovated them to be this way, in order to enlarge one of the rooms. I feel like the few extra square feet (it's really not much) isn't worth the loss of privacy...

Sometimes my mother makes very impulsive decisions...

thunderstorm

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 10:35 pm

amother wrote:

So did you tell your mother you'd prefer that arrangement rather than the one she had planned ?

amother

Crimson

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 10:42 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

So did you tell your mother you'd prefer that arrangement rather than the one she had planned ?

Yeah, the question is if my siblings will agree...

No one would have had to be kicked out of their rooms with the old arrangement!

amother

Peach

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 10:52 pm

Well, at least your mother is not asking you to sleep in the outer room and your sister walk through to her room. If your room has a lock on the door you will have your privacy. Just weird for your husband to walk through your sisters room when she’s sleeping. I guess your sister doesn’t care?
Definitely would be nice if you plan on coming often if people could switch rooms and you can get a regular room.... unless your husband and sister don’t care...

amother

Aqua

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 11:07 pm

amother wrote:

No one would have had to be kicked out of their rooms with the old arrangement!

I'm not sure why you keep bringing this up.

Why do you think you're entitled to have say in your mother's remodelling decisions?

She's allowed to choose to have a larger bedroom, even if that means that it won't be best for you.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 11:19 pm

amother wrote:

Of course she is. But, and I think you're just going to have to take my word for it, it's not a decision that makes sense for her either. In a few years she will admit this. This is typical of my mother. Similar things have happened before, so many times.

Just nice to get some validation!

tachles

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 11:28 pm

amother wrote:

The way you explained the layout I agree with you , it doesn’t matter how much extra room if it’s like this. They should add a door to the hallway like upthread someone described. A room in a room is not functional. Bedrooms need doors to the hall or public domain. Only closets have doors facing into bedrooms. Did she make the room she’s wants to give you into a closet during the renovation?
Otherwise it sounds like a really bad design.

If it’s one night , it’s better than the couch in the living room which many have to suffice with at parents , I wouldn’t spend 2-3 day YT or all of sukkot but one night? You’ll manage.

amother

Teal

Mon, Aug 27 2018, 11:31 pm

amother wrote:

Yeah, the question is if my siblings will agree...

No one would have had to be kicked out of their rooms with the old arrangement!

okay so mom made a strange design choice in a home that you don't live in any more, which will cause some minor inconveniences to you.

Roll your eyes and say 'oh mom' and be done with it. I'm sure if 20 yo sister isn't happy about DH potentially walking through her room when she is sleeping - she'll deal with your mother and fix the situation.

I'd be rather upset if I was a sibling being forcibly rearranged in this situation.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Aug 28 2018, 12:00 am

it doesn't have to be about 'who is crazy" id take the drama out of it and just calmly and warmly let mom know that you and DH are not able to stay or sleep in a room with that kind of set up -- id keep away from much more discussion than that just stick with that point

hatzlocha

amother

Peach

Tue, Aug 28 2018, 12:17 am

Sounds better than the accommodations I get at my mother’s house! No locks on bedroom doors, sets of seforim left on dressers... sharing the bathroom with around 8 people! So, I don’t really go anymore...

agreer

Tue, Aug 28 2018, 12:42 am

Could you switch rooms with your sister? That way she walks through your room, where you'd presumably be with your husband, and your DH never walks through her room where they could be alone.

Yeah, it's totally awkward, but if there's no other choice, I'd do it.