Post work-crash | Imamother

miami85

Tue, Aug 28 2018, 9:52 pm

How do you deal with coming home to kids after a long day of work? I just want to crash, but I need to get homework and dinner going. My husband works at home, but he's still "on the clock" when I get home and then he wants to crash also.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Aug 28 2018, 10:02 pm

I may not be qualified to respond because I have only 1 kid. But mentally I know my time is totally dedicated to my child when I get home, until his bedtime. Then it's me time! (read: housework Smile

I really value that time with him!!! It's special bonding time especially because I work so I treasure the minutes and hours I spend with him. If you are a tired person that can be very difficult but I am usually energetic unless I have a headache then I just want to go to sleep. Anyway, what is making it difficult to enjoy your time with your children? Different for everyone. Maybe it's: tired, stressed, weak, sick, pregnant, postpartum, fertility treatments, emotional issues, kids are difficult, shalom bayis etc. If you identify the reason maybe people can be more helpful. Sounds like regular exhaustion post-work...can you spend 10 minutes in the car before coming inside, making a phone call, listening to music, napping, whatever, so you feel more refreshed coming home?

simba

Tue, Aug 28 2018, 10:15 pm

It's the hardest 2 hrs of my day. Coming home from a full day of high stress work to tired and hungry kids!
I love them a lot but it's super challenging.
First thing I do is change out of my work clothes ( stockings, sheitel, structured clothing , real bra etc..) and get real comfy. Then I sit in the couch for a few minutes and just chat with them.
And then the marathon begins !!
I'll be following this thread for some additional wisdom!

SuperWify

Tue, Aug 28 2018, 10:27 pm

amother wrote:

I may not be qualified to respond because I have only 1 kid. But mentally I know my time is totally dedicated to my child when I get home, until his bedtime. Then it's me time! (read: housework Smile

Who said she doesn’t enjoy spending times with her kids?

Op - like me and I’m sure many others- just needs a couple minutes of me time before so she can gather her mental physical and emotional strength to give them her all.

lfab

Tue, Aug 28 2018, 10:27 pm

I don't have any real way of dealing with it. I do kids off on my way to work and pick up on my way home so I have no time without them. Also, I have no commute (I b"h work close to home which I am so grateful for) so there's no time in the car to decompress. I guess for me it's mostly a mindset that I'm still on, sort of like I'm still at work, do crashing is not an option. It's only after homework, dinner, bedtime, cleanup, prep for next day, etc, that I can crash. But knowing this means I go into that just of the day with the mindset that thisis what I need to do and I just push through it. There are definitely days where it's really hard and I just want to sit on the couch and relax. But I can't do just desl with that reality.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Aug 28 2018, 11:29 pm

Superwify - in response to your question "who says she doesn't enjoy spending time with her children?" -- OP said so. Specifically we are all talking about after work. Not in a general sense, if you were following the thread.

Regarding your explanation of OP's intent, that she needs 'me time', I am aware of this, and I even said the same thing using identical wording.

ra_mom

Tue, Aug 28 2018, 11:48 pm

simba wrote:

THIS is the widsom. Simba, you already have it.
Locking my bedroom door for 90 seconds to completely and fully undress is the way to switch modes and start to relax my tense body and get ready for job #2 (okay #3 - because sending the kids off in the morning was job #1).

miami85

Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:30 am

I love my kids, but when I say "crash", I mean I'm EXHAUSTED, and I need to take a nap. Last year I would get home 4:30 and my husband close to 6 so as long as my kids were playing nicely/tablet time I could snooze for a little bit. Now I get home, but my husband is already home but he's working so he doesn't want to be disturbed until 5pm-5:30pm, but also this year I have 2 kids with real homework so I need to make sure it gets done. I want to recharge so that they CAN have proper attention to me and not tired, frazzled me. I don't want to drink coffee so late in the day when I get home.

SuperWify

Wed, Aug 29 2018, 8:55 am

amother wrote:

OP only said she wants to understandably crash Scratching Head

Nothing about not wanting to spend time with her kids. Just she needs to recharge a bit before doing so...

ra_mom

Wed, Aug 29 2018, 7:50 pm

miami85 wrote:

Is there a recliner near the eating area that you can rest on while the kids eat and you talk to them about their day?

When it's too late for coffee but I need just a little bit of caffeine, I drink decaf (which actually has caffeine, just less).

Can they do their homework near you relaxing so you can be half awake to answer questions? Or can you hire a high school girl to do HW with them?

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, Aug 29 2018, 9:45 pm

Everyone's personal schedule is different, but what works for me is coming home only with my young ones, and spending a lot of quality time with them. Then when my big kids come home, I rest for 15-20 minutes before coming down to make supper and start the whirlwind then.

(I have to revise this somewhat though, my 10 yo is feeling a lack in time with me, but I'll try to get that right balance somehow some day.)

OutATowner

Wed, Aug 29 2018, 10:12 pm

Still figuring this one out, but what helps me is having a small snack together when we get home. This gives me a chance to at least sit and eat something, and usually puts my kids in a better mood.
I also let things slide. I dont make fancy suppers (read: chicken nuggets). I keep telling myself that I can crash when they go to bed. And I do.

OutATowner

Wed, Aug 29 2018, 10:17 pm

amother wrote:

If you are collapsing with exhaustion I think it's safe to say you are not "enjoying" your time with your kids, understandably so.

iyH, your little one will grow older and need homework help and supper and emotional support all at the same time. And then you will understand why being exhausted and needing to crash does not mean you don't want to spend time with them.
But until then enjoy every minute! Very Happy