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Do you work on spiritual growth?
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:04 pm
I’m curious about whether most frum people make a conscious effort every single day to grow spiritually, come closer to Hashem...? I know that it’s so easy to get caught up in this world, and all its many distractions, ie.family, kids, work, housework, entertaining, and everything else. It seems-and I say seems, because it’s how it looks to me-like most of the people I know just live for today and their day to day lives, and very much their religiosity seems to be done by rote- because that’s what they know they’re “supposed to” do, but not necessarily out of a lot of feeling of closeness to H-shem.... it’s easy to forget this world isn’t the real thing, or the point of our lives, but just a stepping stone to get to the “real thing” olam haba. I have to admit that some serious problems caused me to have to strive to get closer to
H-shem because I didn’t see any other way out, and I believe that’s why He gave me those problems, but why aren’t other people more serious about their spirituality?
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:06 pm
It depends how you define spiritual growth. Obviously, since we are all individual it means something different to each of us.
I can say with a full mouth, that yes, I work on my spiritual growth every single day.
I speak to Hashem while I'm doing laundry, cooking and praying to get the kids out to school without a grumpy face or voice. Smile
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gingertop




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:15 pm
I used to. Up to a few years ago, I tried reworking my entire value system. Left behind some of the garbage I grew up with, and worked a lot of important hashkafos and halachos into my life. Unfortunately, at some point I plateaued. I feel like I have a heart of stone. Every attempt at getting better aborts too soon. I can't pinpoint what happened and I can't seem to undo it. My main tefilla at this point is that I should be able to daven and I keep asking Hashem for that but I'm basically spiritually dead.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:18 pm
gingertop wrote:
I used to. Up to a few years ago, I tried reworking my entire value system. Left behind some of the garbage I grew up with, and worked a lot of important hashkafos and halachos into my life. Unfortunately, at some point I plateaued. I feel like I have a heart of stone. Every attempt at getting better aborts too soon. I can't pinpoint what happened and I can't seem to undo it. My main tefilla at this point is that I should be able to daven and I keep asking Hashem for that but I'm basically spiritually dead.

I once heard an excellent concept.
Something to the effect that if you are aware that you are lacking in a certain area, that is totally terrific. It makes you very much alive and aware. And THAT is growth. It's the starting point. Someone made a comment that why bother davening because he has no kavanah anyway. The Rabbi told him that THAT davening was very precious to Hashem and it did not indicate that he was so to speak dead.
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gingertop




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:33 pm
ShishKabob wrote:
I once heard an excellent concept.
Something to the effect that if you are aware that you are lacking in a certain area, that is totally terrific. It makes you very much alive and aware. And THAT is growth. It's the starting point. Someone made a comment that why bother davening because he has no kavanah anyway. The Rabbi told him that THAT davening was very precious to Hashem and it did not indicate that he was so to speak dead.


I appreciate this thought but it's impossible to keep trying without feeling anything. A day, two, ok. When it's years, you just get sick and tired of it all.


I do look forward to selichos, though. I find that very moving. Maybe this year things will change.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:37 pm
gingertop wrote:
I appreciate this thought but it's impossible to keep trying without feeling anything. A day, two, ok. When it's years, you just get sick and tired of it all.


I do look forward to selichos, though. I find that very moving. Maybe this year things will change.

Fake it till you make it! is the secular version. l'havdil of Mitoch Lo Lishma Baah Lishma.
When I am so not in the mood of a particular person walking through my door and it's hard for me to greet them properly, I go to the mirror and practice smiling. Then I practice saying a hearty "hello". It works many times, that when they come to my door, my smile and voice are welcoming as oppose to not. And I try to inject feeling into it.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:43 pm
gingertop wrote:
I used to. Up to a few years ago, I tried reworking my entire value system. Left behind some of the garbage I grew up with, and worked a lot of important hashkafos and halachos into my life. Unfortunately, at some point I plateaued. I feel like I have a heart of stone. Every attempt at getting better aborts too soon. I can't pinpoint what happened and I can't seem to undo it. My main tefilla at this point is that I should be able to daven and I keep asking Hashem for that but I'm basically spiritually dead.


Oh I’m so sorry! But you’re wrong! You’re not spiritually deaf! The fact that you still ask Hashem to help you be able to daven is a very spiritual endeavor! Don’t give up and don’t label yourself! I’m sure issues in your life tripped you up and caused you to feel that you had a setback but it just means you have to get yourself right back up! Hashem is waiting for you! Hugs.
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leah233




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:46 pm
amother wrote:
I’m curious about whether most frum people make a conscious effort every single day to grow spiritually, come closer to Hashem...? I know that it’s so easy to get caught up in this world, and all its many distractions, ie.family, kids, work, housework, entertaining, and everything else. It seems-and I say seems, because it’s how it looks to me-like most of the people I know just live for today and their day to day lives, and very much their religiosity seems to be done by rote- because that’s what they know they’re “supposed to” do, but not necessarily out of a lot of feeling of closeness to H-shem.... it’s easy to forget this world isn’t the real thing, or the point of our lives, but just a stepping stone to get to the “real thing” olam haba. I have to admit that some serious problems caused me to have to strive to get closer to
H-shem because I didn’t see any other way out, and I believe that’s why He gave me those problems, but why aren’t other people more serious about their spirituality?


Just because people have difficulty making a conscious effort every single day to grow spiritually
doesn't mean that what they are doing is being done by rote- because that’s what they know they’re supposed to do.


Last edited by leah233 on Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:47 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:47 pm
gingertop wrote:
I appreciate this thought but it's impossible to keep trying without feeling anything. A day, two, ok. When it's years, you just get sick and tired of it all.


I do look forward to selichos, though. I find that very moving. Maybe this year things will change.


You just need a boost. Try to remember that Hashem’s help can come k’heref ayin, in the blink of an eye! I’ve seen it time and again. Don’t give up! Can I recommend a book? Did you read Living Emunah? It really gives you perspective on why things happen, what Hashem wants of us, why He does what He does. I really think it will help you feel better.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:47 pm
ShishKabob wrote:
Fake it till you make it! is the secular version. l'havdil of Mitoch Lo Lishma Baah Lishma.
When I am so not in the mood of a particular person walking through my door and it's hard for me to greet them properly, I go to the mirror and practice smiling. Then I practice saying a hearty "hello". It works many times, that when they come to my door, my smile and voice are welcoming as oppose to not. And I try to inject feeling into it.


Wow it’s interesting to see someone else struggle with things I do!
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amother
Pink


 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 12:52 pm
amother wrote:
I’m curious about whether most frum people make a conscious effort every single day to grow spiritually, come closer to Hashem...? I know that it’s so easy to get caught up in this world, and all its many distractions, ie.family, kids, work, housework, entertaining, and everything else. It seems-and I say seems, because it’s how it looks to me-like most of the people I know just live for today and their day to day lives, and very much their religiosity seems to be done by rote- because that’s what they know they’re “supposed to” do, but not necessarily out of a lot of feeling of closeness to H-shem.... it’s easy to forget this world isn’t the real thing, or the point of our lives, but just a stepping stone to get to the “real thing” olam haba. I have to admit that some serious problems caused me to have to strive to get closer to
H-shem because I didn’t see any other way out, and I believe that’s why He gave me those problems, but why aren’t other people more serious about their spirituality?


I recently thought about I'm not actively doing anything which makes me feel as if I'm not growing. However, I know that between reading Living Emunah by supper every night with my husband, thinking about Hashem during the day, and teaching lemudei kodesh to kiruv students I must be growing somewhat. Still, I feel like I want to do something active so I picked an area that I am lax in (brachos acharnos and making new brachos/leaving the house everything involved with that) and am planning on learning a brachos sefer with my husband. I'd like to think that I'll be spiritually growing this way.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 4:08 pm
amother wrote:
I’m curious about whether most frum people make a conscious effort every single day to grow spiritually, come closer to Hashem...?
In a word, no, I do not make a conscious effort to get closer to Hashem. I am fine with where I am holding and dont feel the need to get closer than I am.
(I know that is not a popular opinion here, but that is how I live my life)
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 4:49 pm
I always have the nagging feeling that I should strive to get closer to Hashem. Deep down I want to. But I'm going through a difficult time and barely cope with daily life and at the end of the day I feel just empty and unable to connect, to daven or to read anything fitting. I wanted to start doing hitbodedut like the Breslevers but I don't manage to set the time aside and even if I do, my mind just goes blank. I've started reading a few books on mussar and halacha but stopped after a few pages. Funny thing, sometimes I daven in my dreams at night. One morning a few weeks ago the alarm clock interrupted me dreaming birkat hamazon. Other times I've dreamt that I was davening the amida. I think that comes from my desire to connect to Hashem and my inability to do it during the day. I'm also no good in bein adam lechavero lately - missed quite a few opportunities for chesed. I wish I could get my act together.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 5:41 pm
amother wrote:
I always have the nagging feeling that I should strive to get closer to Hashem. Deep down I want to. But I'm going through a difficult time and barely cope with daily life and at the end of the day I feel just empty and unable to connect, to daven or to read anything fitting. I wanted to start doing hitbodedut like the Breslevers but I don't manage to set the time aside and even if I do, my mind just goes blank. I've started reading a few books on mussar and halacha but stopped after a few pages. Funny thing, sometimes I daven in my dreams at night. One morning a few weeks ago the alarm clock interrupted me dreaming birkat hamazon. Other times I've dreamt that I was davening the amida. I think that comes from my desire to connect to Hashem and my inability to do it during the day. I'm also no good in bein adam lechavero lately - missed quite a few opportunities for chesed. I wish I could get my act together.


Wow, I think it’s clear that your dreams are a reflection of your desire to grow in those areas! That’s making. I think it’s a vicious cycle, when you feel too hopeless or uninspired to start, you get more mired in the lack of desire to start, yet you still really want to deep down inside. I thing beginnings are hard but if you take a small step in that direction Hashem helps you to continue and it makes you feel better and more inspired.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 5:49 pm
I hope Hashem appreciates my efforts to make it through another day intact and raise my children to the best of my ability to be emotionally healthy human beings, even if that means I don't get to "work on my spirituality." And fwiw, all my hardships only make me feel more distant from Him, not closer.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 5:59 pm
My long term goal is to grow as much as possible. Some days are better than others, so I can't say "every single day". I look at my progress overall, and as long as I'm going up and not down, it's all good.

I can't beat myself up for having bad days, that's just the yetzer hara trying to keep me down.
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 6:47 pm
gingertop. can you start a daily or weekly notebook listing your acts of self discipline (maasei gevurah) and gratefulness? when things are hard and your heart feels like stone, this may be a relatively painless way of "growing". These days it's hard for me to do even this but not impossible so I can relate to total stagnation even though it's before Rosh Hashana. I find going to a shiur or at least listening to one keeps me in at least "wanting to grow" mode. It must be very hard to do it alone in a environment where nobody is doing it. I see some of the women actually going downhill. Shame.
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Amalia




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 9:05 pm
amother wrote:
I hope Hashem appreciates my efforts to make it through another day intact and raise my children to the best of my ability to be emotionally healthy human beings, even if that means I don't get to "work on my spirituality." And fwiw, all my hardships only make me feel more distant from Him, not closer.


Thank you for formulating it so well: the last sentence of this post is the crux of my situation: I am so beaten down by many many years of chronic fatigue, depression, anxiety, financial stress etc etc, that I find myself spiritually numb and unable to learn, doven from the siddur etc., even though I used to love it before.

It’s strange because when I was younger, the difficulties (in my life at that time) did make me reach out to Hashem, to feel closer to Him, but that changed for some reason over the years.

(I may chicken out later and delete my post.)
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Amalia




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 9:13 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
My long term goal is to grow as much as possible. Some days are better than others, so I can't say "every single day". I look at my progress overall, and as long as I'm going up and not down, it's all good.

I can't beat myself up for having bad days, that's just the yetzer hara trying to keep me down.


But how do you know if overall you are going up or down?

It probably sounds silly, but when I think about my life, I am not sure whether I’ve been moving up or down through the years.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Wed, Aug 29 2018, 9:16 pm
I vacillate between yearning and feeling connected with the mitzvoth that I do and periods of time where I just go through the motions. There have been serious times I have had doubts about it all. Then I was told to simply look for Hashem. In my day to day life, just look for Him. On those days that I am aware to do that, I feel closer to Hashem and I feel the routine mitzvoth are more meaningful. It's a simple approach but works when I can do it.
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