I am tired...how do I prepare for yom hadin???

debbie321

Thu, Aug 30 2018, 9:57 am

I bh am a mother to some cuties. Taking care of a house, job, responsibilites and issues that are personal and private. When I was in seminary and school, I had time, and sat through class to internalize how to prepare for elul and yom hadin

Now my prep is nerves for finishing my shopping, Cooking, cleaning and having house ready for rosh hashana

Any tips from you wonderful ladies on how I can prepare for going into Rosh Hashana with the right mindset?

ccwife

Thu, Aug 30 2018, 1:57 pm

This was the topic of a shiur that I heard last night. One thing he mentioned was that its not necessary to go to Uman for RH to form a relationship with Hashem. People search so much to make the connection when its really in front of you. A Rosh Yeshiva was asked what Malchius is. He answered do you believe in Hashem? Do you believe that He is in control of your entire life down to every last detail? Then theres your answer. Yomim Noraim are about internalizing what we "know" but really really need to feel.
You don't need to set aside time in a crazy busy day to make the connection. You have to use all the things that happen in your day to say thank you or this is happening to me because Hashem wants it to.
Even though this all may seem like common knowledge its almost hard BECAUSE of how simple it is. Just keep remembering Who runs your life!! And with strong emunah comes a stronger Eved Hashem.

It does help to learn a mussar sefer though...even for a tiny bit a day.

Hope that helps!

FranticFrummie

Thu, Aug 30 2018, 2:01 pm

ccwife wrote:

This was beautiful! Are you a Breslover? (I am.)

animeme

Thu, Aug 30 2018, 2:30 pm

There's a line in the Uncle Moishy version of "Ima Tagidi Li" that really embodies my relationship with Hashem as a mom of kids who is very occupied them:

"May they do your will Hashem. And generations after them,
Each week, Hashem, I turn to you,
For they're your children too."

It just connects me to who I am and my tafkid.

When I can, I listen to a shiur while I cook, and I try to pik one shiur in Elul/Yamim Noraim and work with dh to get me there.

keym

Thu, Aug 30 2018, 2:36 pm

If I actually think about the time, being a mother makes it even easier to turn to Hashem sometimes, but not so much with formal tefillos.

Think about it- I have these children who are so dependent on me, but there is no way for me to take of my kids without His help.

Being a mother is actually so humbling. In that I could try and do and look for the answers and work, but without Siyatta Dishmaya, I have nothing.

To me that's Rosh Hashana. Realizing we are nothing because He is both our Benevelont Father and Powerful King. When I tap into this thought process, I end up spending the time before and on Rosh Hashana informally begging for everything. Life, health, parnassa, success.

keym

Thu, Aug 30 2018, 2:38 pm

animeme wrote:

That's beautiful.

PinkFridge

Thu, Aug 30 2018, 4:44 pm

chummus wrote:

This is your job now in this stage of your life, being the best mother and wife you can be. Which is also very spiritual in itself because you are doing holy work by raising holy neshamos and building a bayis neeman!

Lots of wonderful answers and I'm sure there are many more to come.
This is probably closest to what I would have said.
Some people find annoying the line about the kohanim having what seems like such mundane avodah - cleaning ashes, etc. - being akin to our daily work. But it works for me.
I enjoy being the producer of the yom tov production. All that said, yeah, we have to keep perspective. Getting in some shiurim, trying to meaningfully daven, even if not quantity, reading something meaningful...there are things we can do that don't take too much time or effort but really impact powerfully.

And coming from the other end, I actually did start adding back to my davening. I say the full pesukei d'zimra daily, b"H. I go to shiurim and learn with women through the week through organizations like Partners in Torah, etc. I'm not saying I'm some holy woman, I am saying that when you once again have that undisturbed time, you may well get back to where you'd like to be. BUT with all the quantity you'll be putting in, your life now is imprinting the quality.

glamourmom

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 12:30 am

what if the only things you're busy with are very mundane? cooking? cleaning? changing diapers, feeding and breaking up fights. even though I talk to Hashem, I thank Him and daven for health and direction and to raise my kids to follow His mitzvohs I don't feel prepared and ready for RH and YK. I feel like I should feel more, do more, and think more about it. and I know that on the days of RH and YK it'll just be more of the same. I won't have much more time to connect than I have now.

dina125

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 1:53 am

glamourmom wrote:

I think mothers with young children are like "in the trenches" and so many middos to work on . If you can try to work on just 1 thing in relation to your family - like for example - not raising your voice & remaining patient no matter what kids do, or making sure to encourage/make feel good at least one person in your family each day - during this period, I'd say you're accomplishing much!

PinkFridge

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 9:01 am

dina125 wrote:

This, 1000%.

glamourmom

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 10:44 pm

I don't feel like taking one thing upon myself or being nice to one extra person is enough to make a dent in a whole year's worth of misdeeds. I feel unprepared and resentful and then guilty for this too. embarrassed

and I wish this thread came with amother capabilities.

dina125

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 11:06 pm

glamourmom wrote:

and I wish this thread came with amother capabilities.

Look, we are human and I think as long as our focus is pointing upwards, we are going in the right direction. I don't think we need to feel that we need to move a mountain and despair of ever accomplishing that - I think that is the yetzer hara chiming in. Try to feel positive that you are doing your best & Hashem will I"YH accept our humble offerings too.

mirror

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 12:05 am

glamourmom wrote:

You can do more. Talk to Hashem as you clean, while you cook. Even memorize 3 chapters of Tehillim to recite while you do these mundane chores. Here is the magical prayer to say, "Hashem please give a tremendous Bracha to the woman who calls herself "Mirror" on Imamother." And then add your own Tefilla after that. Cool

PinkFridge

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 8:33 am

glamourmom wrote:

and I wish this thread came with amother capabilities.

That, my friend, is the yetzer hara talking. (ETA: I just saw dina said it too. Great minds!) We don't often hear it so clearly.
The power of the small kabbalah is amazing! Even if we don't see it lead to bigger and better things, it is still not to be believed and is beloved by Hashem.
And btw, while we do need to acknowledge what we did wrong so as to try to repair, we also need to focus on our strengths. I think it was Rav Yeruchom Levovitz, zt"l, who said something along the lines of, Oy to he who doesn't know his failings because he won't be able to fix them. But OY to he who doesn't know his strengths to be able to act on them.

Great thought I heard about looking at our yearly improvement wish list and seeing how woefully similar they are from year to year: Say a person goes on a diet and says, "I'm not going to have that last piece of my favorite cake." And it's sitting there facing her. 10 minutes, 15, one hour, two...and she eats it. Did she fail? Not necessarily. Maybe in the past she gave in after 15 minutes. And maybe she built up to one hour. Each time she tries, she's building muscles that she will be able to use in all sorts of ways.

Cheiny

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 2:00 pm

debbie321 wrote:

Put on a Torah tape or a Shiur longline while you’re doing housework or in the car. Think about Hashem and your relationship with Him while you’re going about the day. A person has a lot of time to think during today so you can utilize it ina productive spiritual way.