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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
How to help her self-soothe?



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amother
Cyan


 

Post Sat, Sep 01 2018, 2:32 pm
When my DD turned 3 in July, I asked her randomly when she was going to get rid of her pacifier. (I had no immediate plan of working on taking it away, it was more of just seeing what she would say.) She told me when she started preschool and we didn't discuss it anymore.

Last Monday, on her first day of school, when I came down in the morning she ran over to me with her pacifiers and said we need to go to the dumpster right now to throw them out. We did and she was so proud of herself. When she found more later that day she made me take her right away out to the dumpster.

She did amazing in preschool, no adjustment whatsoever and went right in. However, over the past week she has been hitting and scratching non-stop and saying all the "bad" words she knows. Bedtime has been disastrous. She doesn't listen, refuses to go to bed, and once there just cries. It takes her a really long time to fall asleep.

Today, she was so tired she fell asleep on the couch at 4 p.m. I immediately woke her up and then at 6 tried to put her to sleep but it totally didn't work and she ended up coming back downstairs (which I almost NEVER let her do) until 7:30, when she ended up crying herself to sleep.

How do I teach her to soothe herself, both during the day so she is not always wild and hurting, which is totally not like her, and at night to sleep?
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2018, 2:30 am
anyone?
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myname1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2018, 3:14 am
Poor you and poor kid, that sounds so sad Sad Have you tried staying with her, either laying in bed with her or sitting with her and singing or telling/reading stories? Or just laying there together if she's calm enough? It might give her comfort having you there and then she'll be calm and fall asleep, and she'll theoretically know how to do it herself after some time. If she's so tired/scared/stressed that she's crying herself to sleep, I think I would try that. What did her bedtime routine used to look like? She just lied down with her pacifier and went to sleep?
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2018, 4:29 am
Is she seeing hitting, scratching and bad words at gan? If gan is too wild, it may be upsetting her.

If this is all about the passifier, it seems a bit much.

I'd ask her about it. Is it gan or the passifier?

As for napping, it takes four hours after a nap for a child to be able to go back down, according to my experience...which is a lot, as a child care provider. Wink
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NovelConcept




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2018, 6:19 am
I had the same with my three year old. Lasted about two or three weeks, and now, Post Pacifier Aggression is a thing of the past, BH.
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crust




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2018, 7:25 am
BTDT and from my experiences I think its too much change at once.

I would give her the space to have her pacifier back for now but if you think that she is too embarrassed to admit that she still needs the pacifier then I would do it in a smart and indirect way so she doesnt feel that she will be 'lowered in status' by taking it.

I would leave a pacifier around and pretend not to see that she takes it.
I would shmooze with my husband in her earshot that sometimes big girls also take pacifiers or that I took a pacifier until the second grade etc so she gets the message that its ok.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2018, 8:36 am
I would praise her for being such a good girl, and getting rid of the paci. That's what I did with DD, and I think she got over it much faster than if I tried to make is a drawn out process.

Find her the softest, fuzziest baby blanket you can, and have her stroke her cheek with it while she's trying to fall asleep. The soothing sensory input will help a lot. Give her a week or so, and she'll settle into her new routing. I also suggest reading an extra book to her every night until she feels more secure.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2018, 9:14 am
I always bought my kids a "cozy" stuffed animal and a new "big kid" toy that they wanted. When they seemed to need more sensory input, I would direct them to the stuffed animal. When they at a loss to occupy themselves, we would pull out the new toy (play mobile, magnatiles, a very exciting bells and whistles fire truck).

Hatzlocha. Bedtime is rough.
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2018, 11:11 am
She needs you to help her through the process. It's not either pacifier or not. Try to figure out when the reaction will come on and be proactive.
1-hold her on your lap like a nursing baby, stroke her cheek and arms to soothe her before she has the reaction.
2-talk to her in a low soothing voice and tell her she's doing great without her pacifier. Ask "right, it's difficult to let go of being a baby?" "Is it correct that with a pacifier it was easier to control yourself?" "I'm so proud of you for doing such a great job until now, how can I help you do even better?"
The entire conversation should be along with patting and low tone of voice. Listen to what she wants to say and respond with compassion and empathy. Help her try to find a solution and help her get there. In the easiest case scenario she'll jump off your lap mid conversation and go right back to being totally fine. Most difficult case scenario she'll need you to repeat the process several times until she has finally learned to deal with it.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2018, 1:21 pm
OP here. Thanks for the advice. It's a lot for me to think about but I think some of it should really work. The thing is that I think both giving up the paci and starting playgroup on the same day were too much for her but I don't want to go back to the paci now. Tonight, she cried for a while that she wanted me to stay with her in gan for the whole day, so I think I'm going to go in with her in the morning and stay until she's settled. Hopefully, that should help her see that I'm there to help her.
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