Help me. pls tell me wat I need do for sons bar mitzva.

amother

Jade

Sat, Sep 01 2018, 10:38 pm

Im making my sons bar mitzva. Im not doing something for shabbat but im doing something for the day of his hebrew bday, bo byom.

I need help with what ill need to think of...

Im planning to rent the simcha room of a local shul and then hire a caterer. Im trying to keep it small so

1) do caterers usually require a min # of ppl for a bar mitzva??(I know at weddings they do).
2) I know I need to buy tefillin a hat and pay for the simcha room and caterer. Is there anythingelse im missing?? Do caterers put out tablecloths and do cleanup...?

(Im not planning to pay for invitations as im planning to do email invites.)

3) my son is of course inviting all his classmates. Do I need to invite the parents of the classmates?? If I invite them, its a lot of extra ppl which will be more money but im trying to keep it small and cheaper. But, im trying to find out whats usually done.

Please reply with anything im forgetting about or any comments.
Thanks.

thunderstorm

Sat, Sep 01 2018, 10:46 pm

The tefillin needs to be ordered first thing. It can take a few months to be ready , depending on where you are ordering from.
Everyone does their simchos differently.
If you are having it catered, make sure to find out if the caterer provides waiters for setup, serving and clean up.
Are you also going to set up a sweet table ?
Some people invite strictly family and the boys classmates for the meal and all other friends and relatives for "dessert" which is set up elegantly on a sweet table.
Most caterers do require a minimum
Find out if the caterer takes care of the table cloth and napkins etc otherwise you may have to rent or get from a gemach.
Do you want centerpirces on your tables ? If so, are you making them on your own? Will you borrow from a gemach?
Are you giving out bentchers?
Are you having photography or music?
Are you giving a Kiddush in shul on Shabbos when your son has his Aliyah?

amother

Jade

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 1:12 am

thunderstorm wrote:

Thanks. The local store told me it takes atound 2 weeks and its 900 for the cheapest tefillin. I heard I could get it cheaper in eretz yisrael but I didnt get names of stores there to inquire.

I guess ill have to ask the caterers what they include. Im probably not having centerpieces or bentchers as we are trying to make it simple affordable and less stressful for us.

Also, regarding the aliyah. Does he have to get it on shabbos?? We were not planning on doing anything shabbos. A kiddush by us costs a few hundred just for utilities and not even the cost of the food included yet.

So im confused about the aliyah part. I know everyone does a shabbos thing but im trying to figure out whats required. I dont want to add stress to my life planning more things and spending more. I want this to be a true simcha.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 1:17 am

I never heard of inviting parents from your sons class... unless you are good friends

I think music adds but sometimes you can get a kid who knows how to play for very cheap- or a kid to DJ

You have to decide on tablecloth color, real or plastic silverware and dishes

Will your son lain his parsha? Does he need bar mitzvah lessons?

Who will speak at his bar mitzvah? Who will write your sons speech?

Will he need a new suit, shoes, shirt, tzitzis, yarmulka?

Prepare an invitation list

amother

Jade

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 1:17 am

amother wrote:

In our circles we don’t invite parents of class mates unless we’re also family friends. Are you planning to have music? Photographer?

Then you need to think about clothing for you and the rest of the family. And if you plan to book anyone for makeup.

Thanks. I wont be inviting the parents then.

Regarding clothing and makeup, ill have to budget for that. Thanks for replying.

salt

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 1:34 am

Mazal tov.
Your son can get an aliya on Monday or Thursday as well. Doesn't have to be Shabbat.
It's nice to throw candies on the bar mitzvah boy when he gets called up.

You don't need a photographer - we took our own photos, and other close family members took photos too, and everyone sent us their photos, and we made a really nice digital album.

You also don't 'need' new clothes and make up done - just emphasizing that.

You said your son will wear a hat - so he might need a suit as well, or does he already wear that? And a tie?

In our community the boys start to wear white shirts after their bar mitzvah, so they needed extras of those.

amother

Jade

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 11:04 pm

salt wrote:

Thanks for this info.

amother

Jade

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 11:14 pm

salt wrote:

Also regarding music, you can borrow/hire/get from a gemach, a loudspeaker, and play music from an mp3 player.

That's what we did for my sons' bar mitzvas.

If you don't want to have to deal with it in the middle of the simcha, ask a technically minded teenager (most kids can do this) - to be in charge of switching on and off the music when necessary.

Great idea thanks.

Raisin

Mon, Sep 03 2018, 5:18 am

Aliya can be on monday, thursday or shabbos. If you want your son to learn to lein (most boys do at least maftir/haftorah) he can do that on shabbos and you can invite close family over to you for shabbos lunch afterwards if you like. If all his friends are leining and he doesn't he might feel left out. Leining is also a useful skill - many bochurim can use it to earn money. He will need to be taught leining though which can also cost money, unless your husband can teach him.

Photos - for one bar mitzva we found a really cheap guy on a local website who charged us about $100 to spend an hour taking pictures of the family and the bar mitzva boy. For the next BM we spent a bit more money for better pictures - about $3-400. We paid for an hour long family photo shoot, and a friend took pictures at the actual party.

I didn't do professional make up. If you are competent at applying your own make up no need. You can also go to make up counters in department stores and I think they will do it if you buy one of their products. I got a new dress for myself, and if my daughters didn't have a suitable dress, we got them one. One bar mitzva was right after yom tov so new yom tov clothing doubled as bar mitzva clothing. I don't believe in wearing long gowns to a bar mitzva...I think it looks ridiculous. (both of ours were daytime events in any case)

lech lecha08

Tue, Sep 04 2018, 2:40 am

amother wrote:

Thanks for the replies.

We want to make it simple and not spend a lot. Do most ppl who make a small event have music too? Im thinking we could take pictures ourselves as I dont want to spend extra for it but without music will it be too blah???

My nephew had a small weekday siyum. They set up a playlist on a laptop themselves and pretty much the only ones dancing were his classmates.

amother

Jade

Tue, Sep 04 2018, 10:18 am

Raisin wrote:

Thanks for replying.

Actually, my son doesn't care if all his friends are leining, he doesn't want to spend time learning how to lein on top of hw, school hrs....and I'm happy not to spend the money. I'm also happy that he's okay doing something different and doesn't feel pressured to follow the crowd""".

For pictures, I'm good at doing it. I personally would rather get my makeup done insteadof paying for pictures. I do wear makeup everyday but unfortunately after watching utube videos on applying makeup, I still can't do a very good job like the "pros", and I feel better about myself to get it done since the Baal simcha and family is "in the spotlight".

Thanks for ur insights.

amother

Jade

Tue, Sep 04 2018, 10:22 am

lech lecha08 wrote:

My nephew had a small weekday siyum. They set up a playlist on a laptop themselves and pretty much the only ones dancing were his classmates.

Yes, this is something I may do or similar as I have an iPod with a stand/speaker. I just have to make sure my speaker is loud enough. Regarding dancing, I know my dh and close friends will dance and classmates. It will be a very small event anyway.

Thanks for sharing this.

Miri1

Tue, Sep 04 2018, 10:55 am

If you're not printing bentchers I think there are bentcher gmachs - not as a souvenir, but for the practical purpose of having something to read the bentching from.

You may want to ask a teenager to take some photographs - even though you plan to take you're own, it would be good to have back up since you don't want to spend the whole simcha behind a lense. You may also find yourself busy and miss nice pictures.

salt

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 2:49 am

amother wrote:

For pictures, I'm good at doing it. I personally would rather get my makeup done insteadof paying for pictures. I do wear makeup everyday but unfortunately after watching utube videos on applying makeup, I still can't do a very good job like the "pros", and I feel better about myself to get it done since the Baal simcha and family is "in the spotlight".

Just remember that if you're taking the photos - make sure to get someone to take a few photos of you too! Otherwise you won't be in any of them!!